I am likely one of the few who decided when I was young what I wanted to do, and was able to do exactly that. I went to law school knowing that I wanted to practice Family Law, and was fortunate enough to work for a firm right out of school that allowed me to do so. I learned quite a bit during that phase of my practice, mainly that I didn’t want to be a Family Law attorney after all.
I did however gain a great deal of insight into the divorce process from the outside and would like to share some helpful advice for those who find themselves contemplating this path:
• Divorce will not solve all of your problems, especially if you have children together, they will still be there, and most likely will be intensified.
• Divorce is not a threat to be leveraged in the heat of the moment. I know many of us have been so angry that we have launched that missile just to see the resulting explosion, but this is a very serious life decision with very serious consequences, and such a threat may result (often unexpectedly) in one party actually following through on it.
• If divorce is inevitable, shop for an attorney like you would shop for a doctor. Ask for referrals, read reviews, ask to meet with attorneys to see if you click. You need to establish a comfort level with a person because you will have to divulge more to them then you have to your closest friends.
• Your attorney is on your side, trust me! At times they may be the only one who will advise you honestly and look out for your well-being. Attorneys are ethically obligated to represent YOUR interests once they are retained.
• You and your (ex)spouse need to discuss and decide what custody arrangement will work best for you and YOUR CHILDREN. Only you know what your kids need, and only you know what will work logistically for your lifestyle. If you leave it to the Friend Of The Court or the judge to decide, I can assure you that no one will be happy, mainly your kids.
• It is best for you and your (ex)spouse to be fully aware of all debts, assets, accounts, etc. prior to meeting with an attorney.
• Your attorney will bill you for every document, call, email, hearing and meeting. Just as a dentist charges to fill a cavity or do a cleaning, your attorney will charge for legal services and legal advice. This is their profession and it is how they make their living.
• Your attorney doesn’t think you are nuts, and is not judging you. I can assure you that we have heard it all!
• Remember that your kids are the most important thing in all of this, and that they need to know that they are loved by both of you and that you put them first. It is important to show one another kindness and respect and it may be the hardest thing you have to do.
• Take care of yourself and lean on those you are close to. Ask for help when you need it and accept it when it is offered.
It may seem like the end of the world when faced with a divorce, but I promise you that it does end, and your life will return to a new type of normal, so hang in there!
It is comforting to know that most family attorneys are not judging cases. This makes it a lot easier to be honest and upfront to your family lawyer about the situations going on. I think that my friend would like knowing this as she goes through a similar situation.
I do like your advice that divorce isn’t really a clear solution to the problem as the problem will still be there and could most likely be intensified. That is why I suggested to my sister for her to try out seeking a family law service if she really plans to divorce her husband. The attorney should be able to explain the situation better for her and help her make a better decision. Thanks!
I really appreciate everything you’ve said in here, but specifically the part about the kids being the most important thing. My own parents are divorced and I remember my mother telling me that the most important thing that was considered during her process was her kids. It’s a great comfort to me that this is out there so that other kids don’t get left by the wayside in these matters.
Thanks for the article. You gave a wonderful tips.
Nice article. Divorce is never easy. Divorce will not solve all of your problems, it is more complicated when children are involved. Parents divorce also affect the children but it doesn’t mean if you have children you can not go for divorce. Its always better to get a divorce instead of staying in unhappy marriage.
Surely your tips are very useful for those who are facing the divorce scenario. well said divorce will not solve all the problems but sometimes it’s only the best solution for couple.
Surely your tips are very useful for those who are facing the divorce scenario. well said divorce will not solve all the problems but sometimes it’s only the best solution for couple.
My sister is going through a difficult time with her marriage due to a lack of support from her husband. As much as she doesn’t like it, divorce is turning out to be the best choice for her situation, along with her children. I appreciate your advice to figure out what custody arrangement will work best for the children; that will be something I’ll mention to my sister as she seeks out an attorney.
I like that you reminded your readers that kids are the most important part of family law. Keeping this in mind is a wonderful way to make sure that they aren’t being mistreated. This way my cousin will know how to handle this as she works towards a similar situation with family law.
You’ve got great tips for going through a divorce. I like how you said that the lawyer you hire really is on your side. I’ll tell my sister that since she is planning on going through one soon.
I like how you point out that with family law cases, everyone should try to come up with the best outcome for everyone.
I love how you mentioned that you should shop for a divorce attorney like you would shop for a doctor, and make sure you ask for referrals and read reviews. My husband and I are getting a divorce, and I want to make sure that my rights are protected, and have been considering hiring a lawyer. I will definitely keep your great tips in mind if I do decide to hire a divorce attorney to help me with my case.