Hi! It’s Erin here – I’ve been on a little “break” (HAHAHAHA), as we welcomed my daughter Julia into the world late January. It’s taken me dozens of three minute trips to the computer to slowly work with my husband on a post that would normally take an hour or two, so it might take me a bit to get back into the swing of things, but I’m excited to start getting back into the groove!
Watch any sitcom and you’ll see him – a caricature of a bumbling dad, wrapping his baby in paper towel because he doesn’t know how to change a diaper (remember that classic Full House episode?). The “dumb dad” you see in ads and on TV has come under heat from real life dads in recent years as they assert themselves as the competent caregivers they are. While I love a good “slacker parent” joke, I think it’s important that kids see both parents as intelligent, capable authority figures, and not default to mom as the only parent who is able to help or nurture them. Even at a young age, the bond between baby and dad is an important one, and I believe in encouraging and empowering dads to recognize the important role they have in their child’s life. It’s a bit ironic that I’m getting around to posting at this specific time, because my two month old daughter Julia is definitely far preferring mom to dad these days, but I know that as she grows, she’ll also build a strong relationship with her awesome dad.
Since I have zero experience as “Dad,” I thought I’d turn things over to my own husband and ask him what helped him most as he was preparing to be a dad the first time around. So please welcome my awesome husband Nick to DMB for his first (and hopefully not last!) guest post! Soon, you too can be holding a baby AND eating a Jimmy John’s sub at the SAME TIME.
Nothing I write here can prepare you for the ups and downs of being a new dad, but I can definitely share what worked well for me. I remember when we first found out that Erin was pregnant – it was an awesome feeling. The first few months of the pregnancy went by quickly, then it seemed like there were a million things to do to get ready. You can’t prepare for everything, but having a better handle on a few things helped make the transition into parenthood easier than it would’ve been otherwise. Having a newborn is crazy, but I’ve listed a few things that helped me out below:
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Read a book about parenting, maybe even one that is aimed specifically at dads:
During her pregnancy, and the newborn days, Erin was constantly reading and researching breastfeeding, nursing decor, pregnancy, newborn care, etc. This was helpful as she knew a lot about what to expect and what, if anything, should concern us. Reading about having a baby seemed overwhelming, and frankly, just not something I was as into. However, I did read “The New Dad’s Survival Guide” which is written by an actual, real-life dad (not someone who has their PhD in parenthood, but no kids to speak of). He had a great way of telling you what to expect while keeping things light hearted, and used funny acronyms throughout the book. My favorite was “BCF” or “Be Cool, Fool,” which he used when helping prep us soon to be dads for crazy situations. I’ve since bought the book for a couple other new dads and I think they got a kick out of it, too.
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Become the expert on something baby related:
I love to learn and master a subject, and when it came to cloth diapering and baby wearing, my wife was happy to let me lead. It might sounds nuts, but it was interesting to me to learn about all the different kinds of diapers available and the pros and cons of each. After all my research, I was able to make most of the decisions about cloth diapering, as well as baby “wearing” and the kinds of carriers we used (which was invaluable with a fussy baby who liked to be held a lot!). Erin was happy to have these decisions off her plate, and it was nice to find a few areas where I was able to take the lead.
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Talk to friends and family w babies or older kids:
Women do an awesome job connecting with other moms. They have online support groups, play groups, moms night out, mom and baby classes, etc. Men, not so much. But, even if we aren’t formally organizing, it’s helpful to at least talk about parenting experiences with a friend with kids, even if it’s just to vent or know that your kid isn’t the only one who turns into a wildman at bedtime, or throws his food to the dog. I work with a lot of young and veteran parents, and also have some buddies with kids, and it’s fun to swap war stories, and hear what works well for them in different situations. It’s good to feel you’re not alone on this wild journey, and also helps you have perspective and realize that while not each moment of parenting is fun, much of the struggles you face are totally normal, and phases that will pass in time.
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Attend classes before birth:
I thought it was really helpful to attend classes at the local hospital with my wife. We took classes on breastfeeding (and there were plenty of men there, so don’t let that scare you!), infant care, and childbirth. I’ve always been good with kids once they are old enough to run around, but I had no idea what to do with them until they hit that stage, so these were good for me since I’d never been around newborns. The breastfeeding class was nice as it helped me have a better understanding of the importance of certain aspects of breastfeeding, and also demonstrated how dads can be involved and supportive. The infant care class covered everything from changing a diaper, to bathing and feeding. And thank goodness we attended the child birth class – I had no idea how horrifying newborns looked right as they are born, and would have been totally freaked out if I had seen my son covered in that weird goop without first taking the class!
These are just a few ideas to get you started on your journey to parenthood. While nothing can completely prepare you for the wild ride ahead, going into this new stage with at least a little background knowledge can help put your mind at ease a bit so you can focus on the fun stuff rather than worrying too much. Good luck, and have fun!
