“Mom! Why are you always going to your gym?!” my daughter shouted, her voice full of frustration and disappointment as I prepared to leave for some much needed soul care.
Ugh, my mom heart. Despite all our conversations about how important it is for moms and dads to take care of their bodies and have time for themselves, I knew that for my daughter, all she felt in this moment was sadness—that our time together was being interrupted yet again. If she had her way, she’d be by my side 100% of the time, which is sweet. But I need me time!
I like to call this much needed time to myself “soul care” rather than self-care. It might look like me going to the gym, grabbing coffee with my husband, doing deep healing work, sitting in solitude, or simply spending time with other women who are also navigating this motherhood journey while caring for their souls. Each of these spaces, in their own way, helps me reclaim myself.
Soul Care Is Not Selfish
I’m part of a wonderful fitness space that supports parents, and it even has a spot for my little one while I work out so she can see her strong, determined mom showing up for herself. But to her, it’s not the same as being together, and she doesn’t love it.
It’s hard to explain to her that this isn’t just about exercise. This is soul care. It’s about being in community with other mothers caring for themselves, too. It’s about reclaiming the pieces of myself that I once abandoned. It’s about honoring my body, my spirit, and my energy so I can be more present, more whole, more me. And yet, I still feel the tension of it—this constant pull between showing up for my children and showing up for myself.
Raising Kids Who Speak Their Truth
I realize I’ve birthed and nurtured little ones who feel safe sharing the hard stuff with me. They know the importance of fighting for their right to be themselves, saying “yes” when it’s a yes and “no” when it’s a no. And I love this!
I didn’t feel that same freedom as a child. I learned early on to silence my own needs and wants, to make others feel better or to avoid causing conflict. Losing myself became a survival tool. So now, watching my kids stand up for themselves—even when it comes out messy and emotional—feels amazing, even if it’s tough sometimes.
But logistically? This isn’t easy. They don’t always agree with each other, or with me for that matter. Choosing a movie or deciding on takeout can feel like a high-stakes debate, and my inner child cringes. I find parts of me wondering why they don’t do what I always did—hide, avoid conflict, give in so everyone else is happy and we can all move along.
But I’m grateful they don’t. They don’t stifle themselves. They don’t rush to make others comfortable at the cost of their own comfort.
The Balancing Act of Motherhood
We’re a beautiful, spicy mess in that way. It’s one of my favorite parts of being a mother and one of my heaviest burdens. Because I want to do this well. I want to hold space for all of their feelings and needs while also honoring my own. But let’s be real—balancing individual needs, family needs, and society’s expectations sometimes feels like mission impossible. IYKYK.
I also know how incredibly fortunate I am to have the support of my husband and family as I navigate taking care of both myself and my children while also balancing being a business owner. It’s not lost on me that so many women do this without the same level of support, and I hold deep gratitude for the ways my loved ones make space for me to pursue soul care alongside motherhood. Having that support allows me to show up more fully, not just for myself, but for everyone around me.
And that’s where community care comes in. Because yes, soul care is vital—I need space, I need solitude, I need to remember who I am beyond “mom.” But I also need other women. Other mothers who get it, who are also on this journey of healing and reclaiming themselves while raising little souls. We aren’t meant to do this alone. We aren’t meant to carry the weight of motherhood, self-discovery, and healing in isolation.
The More I Practice, The Easier It Gets
But here’s the thing—the more I practice this soul care, the easier it gets. For me, and for her. She’s starting to understand, little by little, that this is simply part of what we do to show ourselves love and nurturance.
That taking care of yourself isn’t separate from taking care of your family—it’s part of it. She’s watching me, absorbing it in ways she doesn’t even realize yet. And as she grows, I see her beginning to embrace this understanding: that we don’t have to lose ourselves to love others. That we can take care of our souls right alongside caring for the people we love.
She is learning how to take care of herself, too. How to listen to her own needs, how to nourish her body and spirit, how to rest when she’s tired and move when she’s energized. And I know, deep in my bones, that I’ve impacted that for her.
Breaking Generational Cycles
I come from a long line of women who lost themselves in motherhood and career—or, at least, lost pieces of themselves, the magical parts that I longed to see as a child. These are the parts I’m reclaiming, not just for myself, but for my daughter. But she can’t always keep this in mind just yet; sometimes, to her, it feels like I’m just leaving again.
One day, I hope she’ll understand that every time I step away, I return with a little more of our magic, a little more of my healed energy, and a piece of my soul. That every time I choose myself, I choose her, too.
Because when she steps out into the world one day, I want her to feel free to be her fullest, most authentic self. I want her to know, deep in her bones, that because her mom took care of herself—because she broke the generational burdens of the women before her—she gets to walk a little lighter, move a little freer, and dance through life with all of her magic intact.
And if I do my job right, maybe—just maybe—she’ll never have to find her way back to herself. Because she’ll have never lost herself in the first place.
The Dance of Motherhood
Motherhood is a dance between giving and receiving, between nurturing others and nurturing yourself. It’s an evolving journey of learning, unlearning, and finding balance. Soul care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
And one day, I hope my daughter not only understands that, but also lives it, unapologetically.
