I’m a mom of four (sometimes more) and our family includes biological and adopted children, and at times, children in foster care. May is Foster Care Awareness Month, a great time to highlight real stories, share vital statistics, and invite others to learn, support, and take action on behalf of children and families navigating the child welfare system every day.
I work as an RN serving youth in residential foster care at House of Providence in Oxford. My husband, Jeremiah, is the lead pastor at Kensington Church’s Clarkston Campus. Our family is deeply rooted in both ministry and community. I’m also a new children’s book author. Our journey has never been a “simple story.” It’s sacred and messy, full of laughter, some burnout, and so much hope.
I’m sharing a glimpse into our story here. Not because we have it all figured out, but because this is the heart of motherhood from my angle. Whether you’re parenting through birth, fostering, adopting, supporting, or just curious, my hope is that you’ll feel seen, encouraged, challenged, and reminded that you are not alone.
Quick Facts About Foster Care + Adoption
To start, I want to share some facts about foster care and adoption.
- According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, there are over 390,000 children in foster care in the U.S.
- In Michigan, according to the Department of Health & Human Services, there are about 10,000 children in foster care, and over 200 waiting for adoption.
- Each year about 20,000 youth age out of foster care without a permanent family, according to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.
- Over 50% of children in foster care are eventually reunified with their families (according to the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute).
- According to the AdoptUSKids organization, the average age of a child in foster care is about eight years old.
The Ministry of Motherhood in All Forms
Motherhood doesn’t always begin with a pregnancy test. Sometimes, it begins with a call from a caseworker, a file, and a child at your door with nothing but a trash bag holding their entire world.
In our home, love and loss have arrived in many forms: our three amazing sons through birth, years filled with multiple miscarriages, our precious daughter through adoption, and the gift (and grief) of foster care. We have been married over 21 years and our children range from preschool to college, so we live in many ages and stages of parenting.
For us, the work of ministry isn’t confined to Sunday mornings. It is within our home and community every day, showing up in trauma-informed routines, mundane moments, and imperfect efforts to love our children and others well. I’m constantly learning to redefine success, not as perfection, but as presence. Parenting, especially children from hard places, humbles you quickly, and I have learned the great value in being a steady, listening presence in our children’s lives.
Behind the Scenes: Foster Care at Home + Work
Foster care is a temporary arrangement for children who cannot safely remain with their biological families due to neglect, abuse, addiction, or other serious challenges. It provides a safe, stable, and loving environment, sometimes for a short time, often for many years. While the initial goal is often reunification, permanency can also come through kinship care, guardianship, or adoption.
We have been fostering for many years and adopted our five-year-old daughter from foster care in 2022. Our most recent placement ended with a painful goodbye after years of deeply loving and caring for a child. This caused us to pause fostering for a season to heal, but there’s still an empty bedroom in our home.
Residential foster care is one of the least talked-about areas of the system. It’s where children and teens often go when no foster family placements are available or able to meet their level of needs. It’s also where I witness the deepest heartbreak, and the fiercest courage. The longer I serve, both at work and at home, the more I see the truth: these are vulnerable, precious children, worthy of love, safety, and belonging.
Stepping into this work is heavy. I’ve shed many tears, prayed countless prayers, and often sat in silence when there were no words. Children should never have to experience the things these children have, but we do what we do because we hold onto hope for their healing and redemption.
Fostering has deeply impacted our children and marriage, not just in the challenges, but also in the growth. I always say we are a “foster family”–not just “foster parents”–because caring for these kids impacts our entire household (and extended family, too). I believe even in the painful parts, our kids have become more empathetic and kind, with an awareness of what these children experience.
How to Support Foster Families
Not everyone is called to foster, but everyone can do something. Here are a few practical ways to support foster and adoptive families in your community:
- Bring meals. Dinner can be the hardest time of day, especially with a new placement or after court.
- Don’t ask awkward questions like why a child is in care; just ask how you can help.
- Offer to babysit during appointments, drop off diapers or groceries, or fold a load of laundry.
- Use honoring, non-judgmental language of the child and their story.
- Listen, don’t try to fix it. Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is be present.
Parenting, whether through birth, foster care, or adoption, is never simple. It’s sacred work marked by both beauty and brokenness. If you’re weary walking through meltdowns, goodbyes, or transitions, know you’re not failing and you’re not alone. I truly believe intentional love in action, even in the imperfect, really does make a difference in the life of a child.
–Guest post submission by Maria Roy
