The Infertility Journey + Finding Your Voice

Infertility, man. It can be unbearably isolating. When my wife and I were in the thick of it, it often felt like we were the only ones in the world who could understand each other.

For the first two years of our journey, I didn’t share outside of immediate family or very close friends. For some reason, it feels taboo to share about infertility. I have even heard people say that they don’t think it’s appropriate to share something so personal.

Photo taken by Madalyn Muncy Photography
Well, we felt that. Even when we did share, we had a hard time expressing how deep the pain and hurt felt for us. It’s hard for people to sit with you in that level of grief. Naturally, they want to make it better or drop a cliché like, “It will happen when it’s meant to,” in order to deflect from the uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes, they don’t want to say anything at all–thus, the isolating bit. We trusted that people were trying their best, but we often found it easier to say nothing versus making others uneasy with our sadness.

At some point, however, something shifted in me.

I felt called to share our story more publicly. Perhaps I felt there would be power in connection–that I could relate to others who had gone through or were going through the same things. I was desperate for that. Perhaps I also felt it could raise awareness, normalizing something that is so unfortunately normal and shouldn’t be stigmatized.

Whatever it was, I ended up posting our story on my Facebook page for friends and family to see. By the end of the day, I was overwhelmed by the response. It felt so good to find my voice. Again, I’m not sure what I was seeking, but I do know that I found it. A weight had lifted for me.

Since then, I have shared our story on different platforms and one of the greatest gifts has been connection.

In sharing the truth of our experience, I have formed friendships, felt supported, and even acted as a resource for other women experiencing infertility. One in particular just had her miracle baby after years of trying, which she credits to my referral to our reproductive immunologist.

There is immense power in vulnerability. I am grateful I finally reached a place of openness and I have felt the rewards of that ever since. This is a club I’d never wish anyone would be a part of, but I am also so fortunate that it exists. I hope to continue to raise awareness around infertility as well as be a resource to other women going forward. I never want anyone to feel as isolated as we did.

And honestly, the best impact of releasing the weight of our suffering has been the healing I’ve experienced.

I truly believe it has been instrumental to our finally getting pregnant with our baby, Rowan, who was born in June of 2022. Once I opened up and connected with other families experiencing infertility, it got me out of the dark cloud I’d been sitting under for nearly three years. I started taking more proactive steps to do what I needed to find peace, and then I trusted the universe that what was meant for me would happen.

If you’re feeling called to share your story, here are some ways you might get started:

1. Find your local infertility support group.

Even if you aren’t ready to share with all of your friends and family, you might form meaningful connections with people who can relate to your experiences. This really supported my healing.

2. Journal about your experience.

It doesn’t have to be shared, but maybe someday it could be. Either way, it can feel good to put all of your feelings on paper without censoring yourself.

3. Start small.

Maybe share with people in your family or friend circle who you trust. Bonus if these are people you’ve felt safe being vulnerable with before.

You may not be ready to share widely but raising awareness, even for one person, can be impactful. And as my girl Brené Brown says, “Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” The connections we form by sharing with vulnerability can be transformative. I hope you find your voice and I wish you healing, connection, and everything good on this journey.

–Guest Submission from Ally Morici

It can be hard to know how to best support someone struggling with infertility. Brooke shares what was supportive for her in her journey, and what was not.


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