We keep track of kid milestones, but what about MOM milestones? The female body goes through so much trauma to carry a pregnancy, labor/delivery, and even more to heal afterwards. But no one is charting when WE start to feel whole again with our own body.
Let’s Start with Pregnancy
Physically: your breasts swell, your heart works so hard to increase blood supply for you AND your baby, your lungs have to quickly adapt with extra pressure on them and the weight on your body, your organs get shoved to the sides. Your feet swell from all the fluid you’re retaining, there’s pressure on your bladder, brain fog, an increase of varicose veins, your hips spread 1.5-6 inches, and even your teeth can struggle. None of your clothes fit in a very short period of time and everything smells rancid, yet certain foods call to you and the pantry becomes a beacon in the night.
It Must Feed!
A common myth is that if the baby is lacking calcium, it will rob your teeth and bones for it. This is not true, but also . . . not entirely false. A common occurrence associated with pregnancy is tooth decay. While the body will give calcium to the baby, there are several reasons for dental breakdown: an increase of acid reflux or morning sickness (which can be mild for some while others vomit every single day the entire pregnancy), changes to diet, and an increase of sugar cravings. There’s also gum disease due to hormones rioting, and brushing (and life) routines taking a hit.
Labor
Oh, the miracle of life. What a bloodbath. Whether vaginal or Cesarean, your delicate skin is stretching like never before. Your heart, muscles, hormones, brain, and stamina hit their fight or flight limit. And it doesn’t matter whether you were medicated or not–the trauma still happened to your body, it was intense, sometimes vicious, and life came out of you.
Personally, I had one of each: first child, epidural, no pain at all, intense recovery. Second child, all natural, excruciating, my brain has protected me from remembering those pain levels!
Two Months Postpartum
Your vagina or C-section area looks less like raw ground beef. You’re still tender and afraid to sneeze. Depending on your exhaustion (and raging hormone) level, you might consider having a little “adult” action *wink wink*.
If you struggle with Postpartum Depression, you’re not alone. It hit me hard, yet differently for both of my kids. You are enough and you will make it through!
Six Months Postpartum
ALL OF YOUR HAIR FALLS OUT. The shower drain looks like a crime scene.
After About One Year . . .
Your organs and ribs have moved back into place after being displaced by a growing human. If you were fortunate enough to breastfeed, your nipples might finally be your own again. And I’m not even going to talk about pregnancy weight, because that takes anywhere from months to never to bounce back, and I’m not trying to make anyone feel like a villain!
You Aren’t You Anymore
If you’re lucky, by one year postpartum you can start reclaiming your body, but not your mind or time. You still don’t feel like YOU. Because you aren’t YOU anymore and you’re endlessly giving and endlessly absorbing everyone’s emotions. It’s shameful that the mental load doesn’t count as cardio, because I should be able to burn calories remembering the words to all these cartoons, who likes which cup right now, and what snacks we were loving last week that we gag at the thought of this week!
You’re needed. You’re pulled here and there. And you’re everything to everyone all the time. It’s magically exhausting.
Repeat?
Then what if you add a second kid? Maybe a third? The clock starts over, and certain things take longer to recover from, and other things bounce back faster.
The Light in the Distance
And yes, there will be a lot of other emotions along the way. The calm does come, eventually. Toddlers sleep through the night. You can dive into a conversation with a friend. Maybe you can finally poop alone.
When Your YOUNGEST is School-Aged
When your youngest child is about five years old and off to kindergarten, that is the real change. The house is empty. The minute-by-minute demands pause. You can feel routines starting, maybe start to catch up around the house, and start seeing glimmers of yourself again. You might even get a hobby that isn’t “being a mom.” This is when a lot of stay-at-home moms start considering re-entering the workforce, but then there’s still a struggle with the school germs and snow days.
You start to remember that you also need well-baby check-ups! And start to remember your health matters, too.
At about age 10, sleep routines are settled in with less middle-of-the-night wake-ups or illnesses. There aren’t as many toys on the ground; just random socks and no one can find a phone charger. You could finally consider new furniture or remodeling a room!
Plenty of Mom Milestones Left
There are still the child milestones that can weigh on mom: driver’s training, prom, graduation, college, and empty nesting. There will always be varying degrees of mom guilt throughout the phases.
But you matter. You can be reclaimed. YOU are still in there. No matter what milestone phase you’re in, you have many more milestones to reach. And the best part? Some of those milestones finally belong to you.
