Mother’s Day.
I often wondered why it was stylized as a singular possessive and not a plural possessive. According to history, the woman who started Mother’s Day, Anna Jarvis, spelled it this way to signify an honor and celebration of one’s own mother, and not the collective of mothers worldwide. Essentially, you are celebrating your individual mother on that day, so it’s your “mother’s day.” I would prefer it to be “Mothers’ Day”, since I celebrate not only my own mother, but also friends, relatives, and all those in my life who are mothers.
Every Mother’s Day, before I became a mom, I would ask my friends how they spent their holiday. I was often met with a wry “same as any other day.” Shocked, I thought when I became a mother, surely that would never happen on my watch. I would enjoy a picture-perfect brunch, with my well-behaved kids, with my husband bestowing gifts and accolades upon me. Additionally, I would marvel at the handmade gifts from the kids with cards in their adorable kid writing.
Then . . . well, I became a mother and ate my words, which is something I’m sure many of us can relate to. Leading up to the day, we are inundated with sponsored Instagram posts (our generation’s TV commercials) telling us what moms want. Jewelry! Flowers! Cozy pajamas! Chocolate! I wanted to see what other mothers expected for Mother’s day, so I conducted research to get some ideas, i.e. sent texts to my friends who are moms asking a simple question: “What do you want for Mother’s day?” Although the responses varied, there were a few common themes I found . . . none of which is probably surprising to fellow moms.
Here’s what mothers really want for Mother’s Day:
A taste of their pre-child(ren) life.
I’m sure all moms remember a time in their lives when their sleep schedule, wake schedule, and everything in between belonged solely to them. A carefree period of life where time had no real consequences. We briefly want that back! We love our role as mothers, and couldn’t imagine a life now without kids. But, it also wouldn’t hurt to spend a lazy Sunday like those in the past to enjoy the day.
I personally remember weekends where I would go to bed in the morning and wake up in the afternoon. While I don’t want that again–at least not the emerging from my bed at noon part–I would like the freedom that I felt at that time.
Treat yourself or a mother in your life to a “lazy day,” kicked off with brunch. I enjoy these local favorites: The Jagged Fork, Recipes, and Toast. For the mom that wants to lounge at home, bonus points if it’s a carry-out order, brought back and laid out nicely.
Silence.
We have so much noise that we are dealing with all the time. The TV, buzzes/dings/rings from toys (that seem to manage their way into our home via well intentioned gift givers), the shrieks and cries, and the “MamaMamaMamaMama” when we are trying to get anything done. We also have the noise in our head from our constant to-do lists, schedules, and plans. For one day, we want the noise to be gone and replaced by silence, both literally and figuratively. Silence bringing clarity, clarity bringing about a sense of calm.
For the mom that craves silence, a nice walk at one of our many metroparks is perfect. My personal idea of quieting the noise would be heading to Kensington Park and listening to some podcasts. Whether it be a good collection of stories on “The Moth”, an interesting interview on “Fresh Air”, or learning and laughing with “The Unfiltered Mom”, treat yourself or the mom in your life to a metroparks pass, or a day trip to enjoy the stillness of nature. Even non-nature lovers can appreciate this aspect of the outdoors!
Thoughtful gifts.
Gifts that represent us, make our lives easier, or nurture our hobbies. Yes, flowers are beautiful, but a gift of gardening tools, for example, for the mom that gardens, is special. Or, the gift of a seminar or virtual classes on her favorite topic or hobby is far-reaching.
Another idea? The intangible gift of a clean home by hired professionals for the mom who would like to walk in and see the floor sparkle, and not from kiddie glitter. I realize that seems like a very gendered notion. But the reality is that most moms, working in or out of the home, still do the majority of all the house chores. We’ve come a long way from generations of the past. However, the fact that most moms I talked to raised some request about a clean house speaks volumes.
At some point, all mothers feel “lost” in motherhood, and desire to feel like themselves again. A gift that makes her feel pampered and like herself again, such as a spa day, was another popular request from moms. Her favorite perfume (which she may have put on the back burner), nice workout gear, or a gift card for her favorite beauty treatment can all contribute to her feelings of “I’m back!”.
To be mothered.
Isn’t it ironic that on Mother’s Day, many mothers want to be mothered! Our teenage angst selves are rolling their eyes at us. Imagine, everything is done without thinking. Food is prepared, the day is planned, and we as mothers just show up. No decisions have to be made. Every need is anticipated.
Moms are constantly carrying the mental load of to-do lists and making sure that everyone is taken care of. It’d be nice to shut the brain off and have someone else in charge. Gift the mom in your life an invisible schedule that caters to her. It can include downtime to read, nap, or binge watch a show with her favorite snacks, of course!
Healthy, happy children.
Silence, gifts, being mothered, and having free mental space are all nice. But truly every mother desires to have healthy, happy kids. There’s a saying I heard once that, “a mother is only as happy as her saddest child.” I think there is some truth to that. The happiness experienced by your child is your own. On Mother’s Day, we reflect on who made us mothers. With that, their well-being is the first thought in our mind.
When our greatest gifts are happy and well adjusted, that is the best gift on Mother’s Day. Of course, if they are quiet and behaving well on that day and let you use the restroom in silence, we’ll gladly take that as well! Happy Mother’s(s’) Day, everyone!
