Congratulations, new mama! You are eagerly waiting for the day you get to waddle into your favorite baby supply store and create your dream registry. The overly attentive sales associate is more than ready to guide you, pointing out the top baby trends as well as the tried and true classics. If you’re a first time mom, beware the checklist they carry on their clipboard. Remember they are there to make sales. They rarely provide sage mothering wisdom passed from booger-covered mama to spit-up covered mama. Before you know it, you’ve amassed 25 pages containing several useless baby products.
I have weathered the storm of infancy, newbie mothering, and even emerged relatively victorious from the early toddler phases. The last of my registry items have either been sold or donated. As I reflect on that deliriously overwhelming phase of my life, I’m here to impart my knowledge on what works and what doesn’t. Here are 10 useless baby products you can completely avoid scanning to your registry:
Tent Style Car Seat Cover
As soon as you pee on the stick, the baby product people are on to you. They start sending coupons and freebies and you’re wondering how they know because you haven’t even told your obstetrician yet. One of those freebies will be for a car seat cover. They come in adorable patterns and it’s free, so why not? Because it doesn’t do anything.
This little swatch of fabric will blow about at the first whisper of wind. Your baby will still be cold; you will be aggravated. Do yourself a favor and ask for the kind with the elastic bottom.
Wipes Warmer
I can’t understand how this is even a thing. Where are people storing their baby wipes? The freezer? Room temperature wipes are just fine for your baby’s tender little bottom, I promise.
Bath Water Thermometer
I’ll admit, I had one of these. And, embarrassingly, I used it. It was presented to me under the guise of safety and I cracked under the pressure. In all honesty, you can tell whether or not the water is too hot for your baby. And if you can’t, your kid will definitely let you know.
Bath Spout Cover
Let’s get this one straight: your baby can’t sit up on their own yet and you’re concerned they’re going to bonk their head on the waterspout in the bath? Oh, wait, it’s for when they’re older? Have you seen how big a bathtub is? Just scoot them to the other end of the tub. I know you aren’t leaving your child unattended in a bath full of water, so you can probably rescue them from any head injuries before they occur.
Mobile
I had a mobile on my baby registry because it was cute and matched the nursery décor. It shamefully cost someone $50 to buy it and give it to me. I used it less than five times in the short while it dangled above my daughter’s crib. She preferred the white noise machine to the haunted house plinking of Brahms’ Lullaby. Then one day, she tore it from the rails and started chewing on it. I’m certain your friends and family could buy you something far more useful with their $50.
Changing Table
You don’t need more furniture. You especially don’t need furniture that is used for one very specific need. Any flat, sturdy surface will suffice for diaper changes. Get double use out of a low dresser. Make a little changing station in your laundry room if there’s an extra counter. But please, don’t get any more furniture.
Baby Shoes
Have you ever watched a new mom fight the baby-wearing-shoes battle? Don’t be that mom. Babies can’t walk and can barely keep socks on, let alone shoes. This is why the baby people made footed pajamas. Wait until they’re mobile to purchase footwear.
Stroller Hooks
Want to know what happens when you load all of your belongings and shopping bags on a stroller hook? The stroller tips backwards. Strollers come with built-in storage baskets in the bottom area for a reason.
Bumbo Seat
This is the epitome of a useless baby product. As a high chair, it provides very little sitting support for the baby, which is pretty important while they’re eating. You may be thinking, “This will give my baby a place to sit while we’re in the living room!” They’re better off sitting on the floor so when they inevitably topple over, they’re not strapped in to a seat. Skip this one, I beg of you.
Bottle Sterilizer
You’re going to spend half of your waking hours washing bottles and reusing them. You’ll be lucky if you can occasionally run them in the dishwasher. There’s no time for sterilizing. As a bonus, environmental intake is only going to help boost your baby’s immune system.
With this wealth of information you can avoid useless baby products and cash in on the real registry gold. Never fear, mama. Parenting isn’t about the products, it’s all about the love and care of your baby. You got this.
