What is the “Perfect” Family?

By

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August 19, 2016

What is the “perfect” family size?

Today, I had my first look of total disapproval regarding my third pregnancy.

The boys and I were in Tim Horton’s for “Donut Day” which is our Tuesday morning ritual. As we got our food and began looking for a seat, we passed by a gentleman, probably in his forties having coffee. He watched amused, as Grant stumbled around and Truman chattered to me about where we should sit. His eyes caught mine and he smiled before glancing down where he noticed… my belly.

His smile disappeared and he asked loudly, “Are you expecting again?” I answered, “Yes! Another boy!” excitedly. My excitement faded considerably when he sat back in his chair, audibly sighed and shook his head slowly from side to side. He pressed his lips together and looked down at his coffee, disgusted. Clearly we didn’t fall into the “perfect” category as far as this man was concerned. I continued to smile as we kept moving and sat down. I got the boys’ food and drinks set up before taking a moment to absorb what had just happened.

Aside from being shocked by his rude behavior and a little embarrassed, I was mostly surprised because I have never considered three children to be an especially large family. Yet, without knowing one other thing about me beside the fact that I already have two boys, that man was bothered by my choice to have another child.

I began thinking about what the “perfect” family might be. Who gets to decide? Society as a whole or the couple actually caring for the children? Can you tell who is deserving just by catching a glimpse of them at Tim Horton’s?

One child families hear about how their only child NEEDS a sibling. How only children are selfish, spoiled, pampered and have no idea how to relate to other children. That they will be left all alone when their parents die… because only children never make friends, get married, or have children of their own? Wait…what? Not “perfect”.

Two child families hear about how perfect their family is… but only if there is one boy and one girl. Not “perfect”. God forbid you have two girls or two boys. You will forever hear about how you NEED to have one of the opposite:

“Two boys? Well, now you have to have a girl!”
“Two girls? Don’t worry, your next one will be a boy.”

Three kids seems acceptable (but not “perfect”) as long as you have a mix of sexes. THREE of one sex? Oh, poor you! I remember it growing up in my family of three girls. “Poor Johnny, surrounded by women… even the dog is female.” (Little did they know, my Dad never minded that he didn’t have a son.) When people ask what I’m having now there is such disappointment. “Three Boys? Oh, I bet you were hoping for a girl.” The idea that someone may be thrilled with three girls or three boys seems foreign to most people.

Four children is encroaching on “large family” territory. Definitely not “perfect”:

If you have three of one sex and the last one is the opposite, you will be looked at as the couple who tried until they got that boy/girl; no matter that you always wanted four children.
If you have all boys or all girls, you’ll hear encouragement to keep trying for the other sex from half of the crowd.
The other half will say nothing, secretly hoping you’ll give up. “Four is enough for crying out loud…”

People lose their minds (and manners!) when they see a family with five or more children. This is beyond “perfect” territory. It suddenly becomes acceptable to ask about completely private matters, such as the children’s paternity, if you “know what causes” them, if they were all planned, are biologically yours, and if it is a “religious thing.” You’ll undoubtedly be shamed for contributing to overpopulation and draining the world’s resources; even though as of 2014*, a record high of 47.6 percent of women between 15 and 44 were childless in the US. Only 6.8% of women the same age had four or more children.

Obviously, the only “perfect” family is one with two children, a boy and a girl. Unfortunately, the odds of achieving that family dynamic – even if you wanted to – are fairly slim. Looking at my own friends and family, only 22 out of 100 randomly selected women have the coveted one-boy-one-girl combo.

The good news? Most of us are in good company with our imperfect families! So, have as many children as you are able and willing to care for and love. The decision is deeply personal, different for everyone and no one else’s business.

My perfect family is MY family. Your perfect family is YOUR family. However you build it, no matter how many members. Take that, Tim Horton’s guy!

*United States Census Bureau

Learning to Live in the Small House Clutter

By

Kim C.

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August 19, 2016

I live in a small house. I love my small house. It’s the place where I became we and where we became three. It’s cozy and warm and it’s home. The problem with my small, well-loved house is that it’s where his stuff joined my stuff and our stuff joined baby stuff. Throw in the dog and you have a very full house. They say love grows in small houses; so does junk. It multiplies like weeds and soon, it’s busting at the seams.

Our third bedroom, small as it is, doubles as a playroom. The closet, with 3 rows of added shelving, doubles as kitchen appliance storage. The front room, now an office/foyer also houses the dog crate along with the coat rack and show bins. The laundry room is a closet and the actual closets… I would call them more of a suggestion on where you might place a couple things. Yet we stay.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade the memories or the love our house has grown for anything (except maybe a basement) so I find myself learning to live in the clutter. It’s new territory for me.

See, I love to purge. I find it absolutely freeing when I drop off a carload at the donation center. My husband, on the other hand; well let’s say he does NOT receive the same unadulterated joy I get at the experience. Therein lies our difference.

So about twice a year I go through closets, dressers, toys etc. and clear out unused clothes, toys, Tupperware etc. Then I nag, beg, cry and eventually reach my breaking point until my husband reluctantly agrees to get rid of enough of his things to appease me.

The rest of the year I spend putting things in their proper place to keep it under control. There are bins, bookshelves and bags. Laundry baskets, toy baskets, waste baskets; it’s an ongoing battle. When I travel for work or on my much needed yearly girls’ weekend, it takes 2 days to get the house back in order after the patients run the asylum. I’m sure they are as excited to have the mess without my complaining as I am to escape it. So to try and eliminate some of the fun governing part of my job and I take the mom stroll every night before bed. I walk through the house picking up errant papers, toys and socks and putting them away as I lock the doors and check on my sleeping girl.

Still, to be honest, things get away from me. Our garage is one huge stack of plastic bins and outgrown baby slides, saucers and bike carriers. I cannot face that challenge just yet but that’s a story for another time. My Tupperware cupboard despite all my efforts continues to fight me with disorganized lids and odd shaped plastic that just won’t stack neatly! My too small linen closet is overflowing with towels and sheets that won’t stay stacked nicely 3 minutes after I fold things. My Pinterest board on “Organization” would shake its head at me in shame!

I take my small victories though; my neat bathroom drawers with Dollar Store containers separating bobby pins, barrettes and hair ties. I relish my neatly organized dresser drawers with socks paired up and clothes neatly folded. I appreciate my aforementioned closet with neat shelving to easily store the kitchen appliance overflow. These are the things that keep me sane. These are the things that keep me going between purges. That and the enormous love that continues to grow in our small house of clutter!

Zone Defense: Three’s a Crowd?

By

Meredith Weston-Backaitis

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August 18, 2016

Is Three a Crowd?

After a long week of running around with the kids, work and daily life, my husband and I are enjoying a late dinner on our patio. Accompanied by a glass of wine and two sleeping kids upstairs, Friday night is looking good! Peaceful! Restful!

And then, I bring up….child number three.

In the back of my mind, I’m thinking….why mess with this? Why bring up child number three? Finally, we can actually relax in the evening. The kids sleep through the night. We can all fit in one car nicely. We are man-on-man defense. And, we go on date nights often! We are are in (the elusive) groove of parenting. The chaos is starting to subside.

My husband, being the sports enthusiast he is, often reminds me that zone defense is not all that it’s cracked up to be. There will be holes, missed opportunities. We (the parents team) will often lose against them (the kids team). They are sneaky, ruthless and really adorable. That is a combination that often defeats me and the hubs. And, I agree that two is a manageable and sensible number of children. Three kids? I’m not so sure.

But, I still want another child…..and I have no idea why.

And, he reminds me, there is a very good possibility we will have a THIRD boy. Boy number three.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my guys. They crack me up everyday. How is it possible that my one-year-old already thinks fart jokes are funny??? My older one tells me I look like a princess all the time (even without make up on)! But, I have always imagined myself having a little girl. At this point, though, I am pretty sure I am a boy-mom. I would actually be surprised if I ended up with a girl.

I honestly, just want another one. I just another healthy, chubby, cherub to snuggle. To complete our family. We can get a bigger car (just not a minivan, please), the kids can share rooms, we might not go on a date night for a while, but (I know this sounds cliche) someday, they won’t want to hold my hand, or give me snuggle monster hug (think a tackle and hug all in one). Someday when I ask my guys for a kiss goodbye I will get an eye roll instead of a big slobbery smackeroo.

My mind might momentarily change when I look down at my watch and it is only 4:00 pm……and two crazy boys are wreaking havoc in my home. When a wave of exhaustion takes over me. Or, when I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES…….I could go on and on about the pros and cons. Or, maybe we will just take that leap of faith and know that whatever ends up happening, it will happen for a reason.

I know that we are so lucky to have two healthy, happy boys and I don’t take that for granted for one moment of the day.

So, as of now, our dilemma is unanswered (not pregnant)…..but no one knows what the future will hold. In the meantime I’ll enjoy those moments of chaos AND calmness…….I don’t know how long either will last.

All About that Helmet

By

Danielle S

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August 17, 2016

“I think your daughter would benefit from a helmet”.

Words I was hoping not to hear at my daughter’s six month appointment. A helmet.

Wait, what?! That can’t be! But then I started looking at other babies her age. And I realized something.
Wow. My daughter’s head was flat.

I attributed her flat head to how she slept.
My daughter loved to sleep in what I called “touchdown position” [she must be dreaming of the Spartans] ).
I tried to move her head to the left or right, but she just snapped it right back to center, so I admitted defeat.

So what should you expect if your babe has to get a helmet?

Feeling anxious
Since I had never heard of helmeting, I was pretty anxious about the whole process.

Was this my fault?
What was going to happen?
How would my daughter handle it?
What would others think while out and about?

I mean, when you are told that you will have to wear the helmet basically 24/7 (you get an hour off a day to bathe your child and wash the helmet) it can be overwhelming.

The Process
The process actually isn’t too bad. The orthotist starts by taking initial measurements of your child’s head. Then they scan your child’s head in order to make their custom helmet. When the helmet is made (about a week after the initial scan) you head back to the orthotist so they can insure the helmet fits and make any adjustments needed. After that you continue to return every few weeks so they can continue to monitor how the helmet fits, take measurements, and make sure your child’s head is rounding out. Overall, you should expect for your child to wear the helmet for about 4-6 months.

Adjusting
At first, it can be a bit rough to see your little babe in a bulky helmet. They may not be to thrilled about it either.

After a day or so, they adjust, and go about their day just fine.

Really, it is harder on the parents than it is on the child. They totally forget the helmet is there.

It is important to note if your child is super upset about the helmet. As their head changes shape, the helmet can cause pressure. If you think the helmet is causing pain, give your orthotist a call. More than likely they’ll tell you to take the helmet off and check for marks.

Decorate it
If your precious baby is going to be wearing this thing all day, you might as well make it look nice.
I decorated my daughter’s myself using scrapbook stickers and modge podge.

**As a side note, do you know how many people told me what handsome boy I had while we were out. My daughter would be wearing pink, with a purple helmet that had the word princess on the front. I don’t think that screams boy, but maybe I’m wrong...**

Just like that it’s Over
It seems like it will take forever, but just like that your child will graduate from wearing the helmet, with a rounder head.

Did your child have to wear a helmet?

I Love My Husband, But I Hate His Job

By

Detroit Mom

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August 17, 2016

My husband and I have been married for more than a decade, and for the majority of that time, I’ve loved his job. He worked as a big fish in a (relatively) small pond. He had tons of perks: good pay, great health insurance, made his own hours, worked with lots of good people, and we were great friends with the owner and his wife. It was the perfect job, with built in friends and I never had a complaint.

His job was especially great when we had kids. He could take vacation whenever he wanted, help with pickup and drop-off, and was usually home each night for dinner. He brought the kids to the office to visit and everyone adored them. It was perfect.

Then something changed professionally and he wanted….more.

He started interviewing at multinational corporations. Finally, he received an offer from a company that he was really excited about. He explained to me the salary and bonuses, the benefits and what his role would be. To me, it sounded like he was downgrading everything except his salary and title. He would make more money and be a medium fish in a humongous pond with tremendous room for growth. On the other hand, the health insurance wasn’t the greatest (they don’t cover spouses who work), the people were significantly older than him, and the hours were rigid. But even worse – he had to travel. The travel is what worried me the most, considering we had two young kids at home. But he insisted that the travel would be minimal, that this job would be better for him professionally and it would be better for our family. And I believed him.

He was sold a bag of lies. He’s been there for more than a year and he travels just about every other week, sometimes across state lines, sometimes across the globe. He didn’t get his full bonus because of other people’s actions, not his. He hasn’t made many friends. He’s never home in the morning and he often misses dinner. He misses t-ball games and soccer practices. There’s an extremely high probability that he is going to miss the first day of kindergarten.

This job has changed him: He’s focused on work….all. the. time. It never stops. He talks about promotions and what he needs to do to get them. When he is home with the kids, he is an amazing father, but he doesn’t seem phased by the things that he misses. He doesn’t understand that sometimes the moment can be more important than the future. And he doesn’t think it is a big deal if he misses the first day of kindergarten.

My kids have changed because of his job: they’re more emotional, more attached to me when I’m going it alone. Whenever we make plans, they always have to ask if Daddy will be there. They never ask that about me. When he is gone, they don’t sleep through the night, don’t eat as well and constantly ask when he is coming home. They literally cry for him, sometimes contrived, but also sincerely.

His job has changed me, too: Every time he prepares to leave, I am sullen and resentful. I complain that his company lied to him about travel, that they don’t care about family and that they don’t appreciate him. He knows my complaints are true, because he doesn’t disagree. I don’t like the person his job makes me become. I don’t like complaining, I don’t like being overwhelmed for weeks at a time, I don’t like having to be the only parent every other week and I don’t like resenting him for his job.

Recently, I sat him down and told him that the job wasn’t working for me or for the kids, that I couldn’t do it anymore. I let loose a full year of frustration, anger and disappointment over his job. He stood there and listened. He didn’t argue and he didn’t defend himself. Instead, as I sobbed, he thanked me. He thanked me for my honesty, for stepping up, for carrying the burden of raising our family while he was away. He thanked me for working full time and being a full time parent while he traveled.

We didn’t come to a resolution and I know he isn’t leaving his job any time soon. But interestingly enough, I feel better. I don’t know what the future holds for his job, but I do know I love my husband and even this can’t change that. I love my husband, but I hate his job.

Have you experienced something similar in your home? Share your story with us.

Mommy Has a Potty Mouth!

By

Lacey Salerno

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August 16, 2016

I have a potty mouth. Admittedly, I use more inappropriate language around my small children than I should. My potty mouth is one of the bad habits that I am trying to improve upon.

For a long time my son (who had hearing problems until getting tubes at 2.5) didn’t pick up on or repeat my naughty expletives, so I made no attempt to tone down my foul mouth.

But a recent conversation with my 4 year old went like this:

My Son: “He’s a poop a$$”
Me: “Please don’t say “a$$”, only adults can say that word.”
My Son: “Why, does it have alcohol in it?”

Okay, this clearly demonstrates that I have more than one bad habit that my child has become aware of. I have attempted to replace swear words with less innocuous words such as “cheese and rice!”, or “God bless it!”, but they just don’t have the same effect. I have also attempted to just use the first letter of the bad word, but having a 4 year old repeating “mother f-er” is also not appropriate.

I know the importance of modeling the types of behavior that I want my children to emulate. I use kind words, I exemplify good manners, and I treat others how I would like to be treated.

But try as I might I just can’t refrain from dropping the F-bomb when no other word fits the bill!

I have even consulted the web for suggestions and there is a plethora of articles on cussing politely. If you share the same affliction some of my favorites were “lint licker”, “monkey flucker” and “fart-knocker”.

So what do you do when you are the one who is the bad influence on your own children? This isn’t a rhetorical question. I am open to advice. At what age can they differentiate on their own between adult behavior and behavior that is appropriate for a child?

I think at the end of the day we all have to do the best we can to make their lives less confusing and try to curb the behaviors that we don’t want them to repeat, but we also need to cut ourselves a little slack and realize that we may be moms, but we are also human.

Oh, and I would just like to make it clear that if anyone ever sees my child streaking through the neighborhood…he didn’t learn that one from me!

I’m Late. Yep, That Kind of Late.

By

Kelly L

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August 15, 2016

I think I might be pregnant.

Oh joy!

Oh crap…

I am having mixed emotions. Of course I am thrilled with the idea of becoming a mom again. But now is not exactly THE time. For starters, I have an 8 month old. That means that only 8 months ago I became a first-time mom and in all honesty I think I am still physically and mentally recovering from that experience!

The Back Story
My husband and I struggled with infertility for 5 years before I became pregnant with my son. Our pregnancy was the surprise of a lifetime. We immediately knew we wanted to have more children and knew we didn’t want to wait long between pregnancies. I loved being pregnant and I definitely want to have another baby. It is an amazing gift to carry a child.

The Now Story
Fast-forward 8 months.

Yes, my husband and I still want more children, and preferably sooner than later. But is this the “soon” we originally had in mind?

There are a number of reasons my fear and anxiety are creeping in:

I am finally sleeping again! It’s not consistent and I’m definitely not sawing logs like I was pre-baby, but I am grateful for at least 6 consecutive hours. I’m not sure I’m ready to give that up yet.

My husband and I are finally starting to “reconnect”. Having a baby is hard on a marriage and I think it strained our relationship in a way we never imagined. We neglected to value and respect one another as our attention turned to caring for our son. As my son became the apple of my eye, my husband shifted to my peripheral. We need time to re-center our family and help strengthen our relationship.

Daycare costs are astronomical! I currently work part-time and it would be difficult to afford daycare for two children unless I could be promoted to full-time employment. Selfishly, I am not ready to take time away from my career to be a SAHM.

Physically, I am just starting to feel like myself again. I’ve stopped breastfeeding and my hormones are beginning to level out. Because I’m sleeping better, my energy levels have returned so I am exercising more and getting my figure back. I’m not sure I’m ready to let my hormones take control again.

Most importantly, I want to enjoy my first-born all by himself for as long as I can. He deserves the whole of my heart and if there is ever a moment when I can pause, reflect, and revel in my role as mom, it most certainly is when I only have one!

For all of these reasons, I have been avoiding the test sitting on my bathroom counter for a few days now. But I think it’s time to stop letting my worries get the best of me.

If the test turns out positive,

Having dealt with infertility, the me from five years ago would be smacking me over the head for even harboring any feelings of hesitation.
Our family will grow just as we intended it too. We have always wanted another child and the timeline shouldn’t matter.
I’ll have another baby belly to love on for the next 9 months! I miss the squirms, hiccups, and even the foot lodged in my ribs
I’ll have another kid that’s just as cute as this little guy!

5.My heart will grow ten sizes. It might not be the ideal time, but it will be exactly as it should be. There is always room for love.

Whatever the outcome, I am certain it will be the perfect step for our family.

Wish us luck! (and I apologize for the cliffhanger)

Dear Stay-at-Home Mom Friend

By

Jesi FG

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August 15, 2016

Hello Stay-At-Home Mom Friend-

I am so excited that you have the opportunity to stay at home with your children. While I, on the other hand, went back to work after eleven amazing weeks of maternity leave. Knowing that we are walking a different path, I wanted to share a few things with you about being a working mom.

Before I get started, I wanted to make one thing clear: In no way am I comparing stay-at-home moms to working moms, or trying to show that one is harder than the other.

I just wanted to share a few thoughts on being a working mom, so that as a motherhood community, we can continue to support and raise each other up:

I choose to work. I absolutely love my job, and the company that I work for, and had no question that I would be returning to work after having my son. I spent just as much time working on my leave of absence plans as I did creating my re-entry strategy for post leave. And this is nothing new, I have always been passionate about having a career. My parents recently unearthed a term paper I wrote in third grade outlining my career path and that my ‘future husband would have to deal with my success and that even if I am a Mom, I will be working.’

I am not jealous that you don’t ‘go to work.’ I mean don’t get me wrong, some days I could do without the traffic filled commute, but I really enjoy traveling and engaging individuals on what my company has to offer. And, although stay at home moms may not go to an office like I do every day, I understand that you work too. Just like a lot of my stay-at-home mom friends, you maintain a household (a.k.a. work) and have some kind of a side hustle (a.k.a. a ton of work).

I don’t feel selfish for continuing to work. I don’t feel like I am being selfish by being a working mom and allowing him to attend school. He has great teachers, amazing lesson plans (yes! even for tiny kids like mine!) and little buddies that he gets excited to see every morning. Would I love to spend more time with my son? Sure! Who wouldn’t! If I could tote him around everywhere I went, I would be the first to do it. But knowing that isn’t possible, I am comfortable with the childcare decisions that I have made.

I may say no to Spin Tuesdays or Margarita Wednesdays. Time with my son during the week is super limited. On a typical work day, he wakes up anywhere from 15-20 minutes before I leave for the office, and I have less than two hours from when I pick him up at school to bed time. I cherish every bit of that time, from his morning bottle to his sweet snuggles before bed. It’s not that I don’t still enjoy those pre-baby activities, it is just important for me to get in every moment I can.

I have so much respect for you. Whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, it is no walk in the park. Motherhood comes with no manual or road map. I know you well enough to know that sometimes we both wing it and hope we made the best choice. And at the end of the day, our conversations, calls and texts are something that I value and couldn’t do without!

At the end of the day, one thing is for sure: I am so happy to have you as a friend. I hope this helps paint a picture on a few things behind the scenes of being a working mom

With love, Jesi (and Blake!)

Motherhood Unfiltered: When Instagram Gets Honest

By

Kelsie Rodriguez

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August 14, 2016

Sometimes it seems the purpose of Instagram is to display only the most polished, carefully-arranged snapshots of our lives.

We’re all guilty of it. We know almost everyone else does it, too. As a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t get a lot of adult interaction, I think it’s normal to want validation from time to time, and sometimes that validation comes in the form of “likes” and comments online. We want to appear to have it all together, to be optimistic, effortless, unfazed.

But what if we stripped away the Valencia-tinted lens we place over ourselves and shared our unfiltered experiences as parents? Here’s my attempt to re-imagine a more honest use of Instagram.

The Baby Bump Post

Actual caption: Staying close to home this 4^th of July as we await our little (or not-so-little) firecracker. 38 weeks today!

Honest caption: My husband took like fifty pictures of me, and these are the only ones I like enough to post.

The Nursery Post

Actual caption: Finally put up the nursery decals. This room will be done someday!

Honest caption: This room was supposed to have been done months ago.

The New Baby Post

Actual caption: #tbt to our first day home from the hospital.

Honest caption: Here’s a picture of my hand because I didn’t like the way the rest of me looked.

First Time Baby Gets Sick Post

Actual caption: Looks like I’ll be staying up on the La-Z-Boy with my sick little raccoon.

Honest caption: How could I let him get sick? Aren’t breastfed babies supposed to stay healthy? I knew I shouldn’t have taken him out in public so often. I don’t care if I don’t get a wink of sleep, just please feel better.

Baby’s First Flight Post

Actual caption: Theodore’s first flight is in the books.

Honest caption: HE SLEPT THE ENTIRE FLIGHT! NO FUSSING! NO CRYING! SOMEONE GIVE ME A MEDAL! WE ARE CHAMPIONS OF THE SKY!!!

The Pajama Post

Actual caption: Love this little behind.

Honest caption: We are still in pajamas at 11:30 a.m.

The ‘Mommy is Taking a Break’ Post

Actual caption: On a rare afternoon that Theo falls asleep in his crib by himself.

Honest caption: By the time I choose a filter, he will be awake again. Also, this coffee is cold.

The ‘Mom and Dad Weekend Away’ Post

Actual caption: One quick stop at the falls this morning, and now we are headed home to our baby. We had a great weekend away in Greenville!

Honest caption: I need to hold my baby. NOW. Get me home get me home get me home get me home.

The First Ball Game Post

Actual caption: Theo’s first Tigers game.

Honest caption: Eek, I didn’t realize it would be so hot today! How awful will it be if I let my baby get sunburned in April!

First Mother’s Day Post

Actual caption: Thankful to this little one for making me a mommy. Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms in my life!

Honest caption: OMG, I’m so tired. Do you think this filter hides how tired I am? My eyes are open, right? Going on four hours of sleep and dealing with a fussy, teething baby…Still, despite this permanent exhaustion, I’m so thankful to this little one for making me a mommy. So, so incredibly thankful.

If we’re not careful, social media has the power to isolate us and make us feel inadequate. But at its best, it is about connection. If we post authentically, we can relate to each other, laugh together, and find solidarity in the not-so-great times. Here’s to allowing others into our genuine, beautiful mess. #blessed

Embracing My “Mom Flaws”

By

KatieBeth

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August 13, 2016

Last week, the stars aligned, and by the grace of all that is good, I was blessed with 10 whole minutes of alone time!

My intention was to put away laundry, do the dishes, pick up toys, vacuum, clean the car … anything that I can’t get done when the kids are around. Instead, I sat down on the edge of the bed and laid back. For whatever reason, my mind raced to the breathing exercises I learned in the yoga video I did 10 minutes of … three years ago. I placed my hands on my stomach and began to inhale and exhale. This lasted about 8 seconds before I felt my “Mom Flaws”, namely the miles of stretch marks that spread across my belly. My initial, ingrained reaction was a feeling of displeasure. Uncomfortable. Self conscious. Disgusted.

Then, something happened. I don’t know how it happened, but it did. A light inside me turned on and my way of thinking switched gears. I continued to feel the stretch marks. But my thoughts were more positive and empowering this time. I immediately thought of how awesome it is that I grew a baby. I grew a BABY! I literally created human life inside of me! Two of them! I am a frickin’ superhero!

I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. Really looked at myself. I was amazed at not only what I saw, but HOW I saw it.

I saw the stretch marks. The stretch marks that remained after my belly grew (TWICE!) to make room for the baby I was growing. These stretch marks show that I created, carried, and nourished a human life. After this life had grown enough to enter the world, my belly was left empty and scarred … and beautiful for what it had done.

I saw bags under my eyes. Although this was evidence that I was tired (and I probably always will be, just like every other mom), I was also reminded of being woken in the middle of the night because my babies needed extra snuggles and songs. My littlest tossed and turned and cried until I came in his room and picked him up from his crib, and just rocked with him. My oldest woke up and had a small panic when she couldn’t find me in bed. So I laid the littlest down, laid with my oldest, and we sang “Part of Your World” six times until she fell asleep in my arms. I will gladly take 4 hours of sleep and bags under my eyes any day so I can have these moments.

I saw my hair pulled up in a sloppy bun (#messyhairdontcare! Amiright?!). In typical mom fashion, I couldn’t remember the last time I looked in the mirror to fix my hair. But I looked. And in my sloppy bun, I found a pink hair clip, a puff, and a sticker. I laughed as I remembered when these items landed in my hair throughout the day. When my daughter demanded I sit on the floor so she could play with my hair; when my son laughed and played with his snacks; and when I rolled around on the floor with both kids.

I saw stains on my shirt. I couldn’t tell if they were from spit-up, drool, or food. And it didn’t matter to me! Because regardless what it was, it showed that my kids were close enough to me to make a mess on me. I couldn’t tell you how many times I am hours into my day and I notice a “baby stain” on my clothes. I’ve learned to laugh it off and chalk it up to life… and to always carry an extra shirt in my car!

Some days, I am a hot frickin’ mess. And I am DONE being ashamed of that! I have flaws. Many of them. And most of them didn’t pop up until those kids popped out. I am proud of each and every one of my flaws. And the memories that they all represent. I am Mom … hear me roar!!!

What are some “mom flaws” you have that you wear proudly as battle scars??

Detroit Mom

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