Sex on Valentine’s Day!!! Now that I have your attention, let’s get down to business. This one’s for the Dads! We’ve got it and you want it. So who better to show you just how to get it on Valentine’s Day than the ladies? We put the pen to the paper to give you the best dos and don’ts to getting some on Valentine’s Day. With this advice, composed from a group of funny, hard-working women at Detroit Mom, you can make every day at your house Valentine’s Day. In the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, consider these dos and don’ts for getting down with the mama that you love the most.
Do: Remember that it is Valentine’s Day!
Don’t: Invite the guys or family over if you’re expecting to hit it.
Do: Buy sexy lingerie. It’s tough to decline when the money is already spent.
Don’t: Compare us to your mother for any reason. Or anybody’s mother.
Do: Learn where the laundry basket is and how to use it!
Don’t: Talk to us before coffee.
Do: Remember that Steak and BJ Day has its own national holiday, dude.
Don’t: Fall asleep during the movie and wake up expecting to get it. Ship. Has. Sailed.
Do: Spray some cologne and freshen up the breath and pits if you really, really want it.
Don’t: Think that sex just starts in the bedroom! Get in that kitchen, Chef!
Do: Understand that chocolate is both an aphrodisiac and also an expectation.
Don’t: Fart and burp around us because we’re legally bound to you. Take it to the bathroom, sir!
Do: Not buy her a vacuum cleaner!
Don’t: Keep bringing up that one thing we did in college.
Do: Pass the remote. Chew with your mouth closed. Wash your feet.
Don’t: Cozy up to me with morning breath. If you must, don’t speak…
Do: Let me go to Target without the kids.
Don’t: Go to the bathroom, sit on your phone, and expect us to think you’re really pooping for that long. Nobody poops for that long, sir. Nobody.
Do: Cuddle more, touch more, and sit a little closer.
Don’t: Forget the candles, chocolates, and flowers.
Do: Read this twice to really set the mood.
Don’t: Assume it’s not exactly what we want too! “With a brood of kids at home and always around…being married for a billion years…if he brings a bat to the plate, I’m playing!”
We totally love you, and we totally want it, too! Sex is how we got here in this weird world of parenting. Admittedly, marriage work and sex life can take a back burner in parenthood. On Valentine’s Day, we’re given a day to remind each other just how much we care!