In the beginning, it’s hard. I mean heart-wrenching, questioning if you can even do this, lay on the kitchen floor crying hard. You will wonder what the heck you are doing. You don’t know how to take care of a newborn. Or even how to be YOU anymore. You don’t even know who YOU are. But I’m here to give you an ounce of hope that it will get better.
Trust me, the beginning sucks. No sleep, nursing a baby every two hours, and not being able to leave your house without anxiety or leaky boobs. It sucks. No one tells you just how much it will suck. The bleeding, the rock-hard boobs, and the insane emotions causing you to cry all day long. IT SUCKS.
This season is hard. As much as you love this beautiful little baby, your life has changed forever. And right now, you’re in the thick of it. But I promise, you will be able to get back to your normal life. Your heart will never be the same again, but the everyday, mundane tasks will come with ease one day. The grocery shopping, dinners out, beach trips, girls nights, vacations, and birthday parties– all the stuff that you’re missing right now– will come back.
The beginning also comes with a lot of mixed emotions. Your heart is full of love and joy, but it’s also full of fear and doubt. You feel like this baby has completed you, but you lost part of your identity on the way.
I know right now is hard, but all of a sudden, before you even realize it, that life-sucking little human will start to smile and start to giggle and crawl to you. She will start to reach for your hand and snuggle you and call you Mama. It is beyond rewarding when she is able to show you that you are her entire world.
When all those sweet, funny, and amazing moments happen, it is worth every single tear and every single struggle, doubt, and hardship that you went through. Now it’s still hard; I don’t think that will ever go away. I now deal with tantrums and a sassy daughter who is stubborn and can talk back. Those moments are hard, but they aren’t life-altering like the beginning.
A New You
You will find yourself again; she’s in there. Even covered in milk and spit up with messy hair and tears, she’s there. One day you will realize who you are and what makes you, you. It’s a hard concept to explain. Until you lose yourself and find yourself all at the same time, it doesn’t make sense. But then when you go through it and make it to the other side, you just get it.
And then eventually, I was able to take my daughter, easily, to the grocery store, the mall, and the zoo. She could eat by herself, drink by herself, go potty by herself, and sleeps in her own bed for 11 hours straight. Plus, I didn’t have to pump or even nurse any more. My daughter began to play with her toys and books while I emptied the dish washer or folded laundry. Life was bearable and something I recognized again. It was like a breath of fresh air that I finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel.
Being a mom is hard and some moments really suck, but I promise you it will get better, and you will find yourself once again. It won’t be the same version, but it will be a better one. And when things start to get easier, you might even realize you want to do it all over again.