June is not only MY birthday (so what if I celebrate it the whole month) but it is also Father’s Day! I guess I can give up one of my days to honor and celebrate and thank all those DAD’s out there!
Since my husband Dan is a new dad, it is only fitting that he contribute to the blog to tell his side of the story on pregnancy and new babies. He refused and said I can interview instead – in exchange for him going out for a game of golf. OK – this is going to be fun!
I set up my phone to record it. I swear – what you are going to read really happened and was really said (minus a few swear words here and there). For those who know Dan, he has a very dry humor. He likes to remind me that I have zero sense of humor and can’t understand sarcasm. And I am gullible. HAHA
ME: Dan, these are the rules if you want to play. I am going to ask you some questions and you have to answer HONESTLY and seriously.
DAN: Uhhh ok.
ME: How does it feel to be a dad?
DAN: I need more of a deeper question to answer. Too broad.
ME: Ok, let’s start over. When you found out I was pregnant with Alexandra, what was your first reaction?
DAN: Well, if you remember Lauren, you were out who knows where with your sister. I came home and as I am in the bathroom, I see a positive pregnancy test stick in the window sill. My first thought was: ummm… how old is this? Was I supposed to see this and where the hell is Lauren?
ME: OH YEA! You ruined my surprise. I was too much in shock and forgot to hide it.
DAN: But inside I was happy and all I could think was “oh shit – I’m going to be a DAD!!”
ME: Awww! How about when I told you I was pregnant the second time? (Readers: I put a “BIG SISTER” t-shirt on Alexandra and sat her in the kitchen waiting for Dan to get home from work).
DAN: At first, I didn’t comprehend her shirt. Then it sunk in – ANOTHER BABY! Then when I found out you already knew for a week I was pissed!
ME: I had to go find the right t-shirt first! I was going to wait 2 more weeks and tell you on your birthday! You’re lucky I didn’t wait that long!
ME: Ok, how was it dealing with me pregnant these past few months?
DAN: You were a MONSTER. The first time, you were much more normal and nice and human. You were more relaxed. This time. NOT SO MUCH. I was counting down the months until the baby was born.
ME: DUH. We didn’t have kids yet. We had a toddler this time. WITH CASTS ON HER LEGS. In the middle of the most freezing and snowiest winter ever. MISERY.
DAN: This time, I wanted to disappear and come back when Vinnie was born. You had the bed covered in pillows, a body pillow, other pillows. So many pillows there was no room for me.
ME: That was my point. I wanted the whole bed to myself.
DAN: You snored. You made weird noses. You used so much toilet paper – who uses so much toilet paper?? I don’t understand why there were always 20 packs of Quilted Northern in the closet. You were up most of the night. I got no sleep.
ME: YOUR SON was pressing on my bladder and I had pregnancy insomnia. Now that the baby is here, can you sleep better?
DAN: You really want me to answer that? How about WAAAAAAA. That kid doesn’t just wake up slowly and lays there. He gets up and screams his head off until you feed him. How can something so little scream so loud? Then you have to talk to him to be quiet at 2am? He can’t understand a word you are saying. Remember my rules? No talking until I have a shower and coffee.
ME: Next time, I will put his screaming mouth right next to your ear. I am not sure how you lay there, snoring and I’m up every time.
DAN: I’m not sleeping. I’m up. I just pretend to sleep.
ME: You’re an ass.
DAN: You know I love you.
ME: What are you plans, as a Dad, for our kids? This is a serious question now. No screwing around.
DAN: I think we each need to take our kids, one at a time, and do something with them. I want to take Alexandra camping one day – Daddy Daughter camping. And no, not at a Holiday Inn. Real camping, in a tent and build a fire.
ME: HAVE FUN. I’m not going.
DAN: You are not invited. But that means, you and Vinnie will have to do Mommy Son things. Shopping does not count.
ME: Ok, we will go to California and go on a whale watching cruise!!! Or explore Detroit and look at Architecture! Or… go to a Tigers game!
DAN: Our kids are the greatest. I love Alexandra at this age. She is learning to put sentences together, she asks the silliest questions and says the cutest things. And Vinnie takes after his Dad – super handsome!
ME: Teaching her to say “change my butt!” is not cute.
DAN: Hell yes it is.
ME: You’re a goof ball. I love you.
DAN: I love you too.