In my 3 & 1/2 years as a parent I have learned that there are certain words that should never be spoken. Call it a curse, call it Murphy’s law – I call it The Mom Jinx. The following four scenarios are seemingly harmless, yet these phrases have the power to completely ruin your day:
Scenario #1: “I don’t need to bring the diaper bag.”
You’ll feel carefree. Just you, your angelic baby, a short grocery list and your adorable tiny purse. Easy-Peasy. Except… your baby will poop the second you put him into the cart. It will not be a normal, contained poop. It will run up his back and down his legs. The adorable purse is, of course, useless since there’s no room in it for so much as a tissue. You are left with two choices.
- Buy everything; wipes, diapers, and new clothes from the grocery store (even though you have enough at home for ten babies, plus no room in the budget) and finish your shopping trip.
- Abandon the cart, buckle your poo-covered tot into his car seat, go home, and give him a bath. Uninstall, scrub and reinstall the seat, then sulk while eating cereal for dinner.
Mom Jinx Lesson: Never leave home without the basics: Diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes for every child under 12.
Scenario #2: “I need “me” time. I’m going to buy tickets/get a manicure/do something fun!”
The timeline will be perfect, every detail thought out and you will be jumping with excitement over a few hours – or a whole night – of child-free entertainment. The morning before the big day, your daughter will spike a fever. You will frantically try to get her over the illness quickly. As long as the fever is gone in 24 hours, you won’t be considered a terrible mother for leaving just so you can have a cocktail for the first time in six years, right? The evening before the big day, your son will begin acting unusually cranky. Hope fades… By the morning of the big day, both kids will be clinging to you, feverish and miserable. Additionally, your husband will be vomiting uncontrollably, confined to the bathroom for an indeterminate amount of time. Plans. Over.
Mom Jinx Lesson: Plan nothing. Make a run for the door with no more than two hours notice. Don’t forget to let your hubby in on the new policy.
Scenrio #3: “Let them stay up late, it’ll be fun!”
It is so tempting to spend a few extra hours with your kids when you have been away from them all day. Especially when they are being sweet and snuggly. Bedtime is 8:00 but at 8:30 you are having so much fun that you decide to try being a cool, schedule-free parent for once. By 9:00 your four year old is sword fighting with a clothes hanger. Your two year old is jumping on the couch naked. You frantically try to call bedtime, but no one is listening. They’ve crossed into crazy-tired land. They are laughing and crying simultaneously, maniacal and mean.
You start hauling children to bed as they scream and flail, needing everything from a drink to a potty break. They finally fall asleep, only to wake up three times throughout the night. Somehow, they still rise at 5:30 in the morning, ready for the day.
Mom Jinx Lesson: Bedtime is bedtime. No exceptions.
Scenario #4: “Hey Honey… how about we… you know.”
It has been weeks. You are both so stressed and out of energy that sex has fallen to the wayside. But today… you feel those familiar butterflies in your stomach and you whisper, “Honey, how about tonight…” Dinner and bedtime go off without a hitch. You can hardly believe your good luck! You jump in the shower and shave your legs for the first time in a month. Hubby showers in record time and slaps on a little cologne. You hop into bed, giggling like newlyweds. As his lips touch yours, the baby starts crying. You run in, replace his pacifier and dart back to bed. You decide to skip kissing. Three minutes later, the five year old calls out. He had a bad dream. Your husband hurries to chase away imaginary monsters while you fight to stay awake. He returns and you decide it best to skip foreplay. In the middle of the main event, your three year old shoves the door open and loudly proclaims that he is sleeping with you tonight. As you attempt to cover up and awkwardly explain that Mommy and Daddy were just wrestling, he climbs into bed and falls fast asleep – sideways.
Mom Jinx Lesson: If you feel frisky – go for it! If you schedule or discuss sex, your children’s magical instinct to prevent a sibling will kick in and they will stop at nothing to ruin your rendezvous.
Consider yourself warned. Don’t fall victim to The Mom Jinx! OR have you? Share your stories below!
Hahaha! Yes. I am especially OCD about the bedtime/sleep My three year old is a bit more flexible, but not my ten month old. People always give me the side eye when I’m like “time for sleep”. They aren’t the ones that have to get up 4 plus times at night though….