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Detroit Mom Connect | Being Authentically Yourself Attendees

We are so excited to get together for our next Detroit Mom Connect event! Below you will find some of the incredible women who will be attending the event so you can get to know them a little before we get together!

 

The above photos do not belong to Detroit Mom but to the individuals listed above.

When Therapy Isn’t Enough: My Story of Hospitalization for Postpartum Depression

DISCLAIMER: The following post outlines the writer’s personal journey with Postpartum Depression. It is not intended to act as medical advice. As always, please consult your doctor with any questions about your mental health.

TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains depictions of suicidal thoughts.

I shifted the car into park and dropped my head onto the steering wheel. “This cannot be my life,” I thought. I was in the parking lot of a mental health hospital, about to voluntarily check myself in for treatment. 

I was experiencing severe Postpartum Depression. At my lowest point, I was in the middle of raising three beautiful children. And I asked my therapist how bad it had to get for me to be hospitalized. My symptoms had become unbearable, and I was desperate to find a way to feel better. I realized I needed more than my medication and twice-weekly appointments with her could provide.

She compassionately referred me to a specialized Mother-Baby support program. And, she assured me that she would coordinate care with them and support me when I came back home. After securing childcare for a whole week and driving across the state to Grand Rapids, there I was. I was ready to admit how much I was struggling. I felt simultaneously apprehensive and comforted.

The Statistics on Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders

According to the National Library of Medicine, up to 1 in 5 mothers will experience a Perinatal Mood or Anxiety Disorder (PMAD) during pregnancy or postpartum. Although often referred to simply as “Postpartum Depression,” they are actually a spectrum of disorders that include depression, anxiety, panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, and psychosis, and they can occur both during and after pregnancy, as shared by Postpartum Support International.

According to the American Medical Association’s JAMA Network, mental illness is the top cause of maternal mortality in the US. However, more than 70% of cases go undiagnosed or untreated due to stigma, lack of awareness, and scarcity of specialized treatment options, according to Postpartum Support International. Let that sink in for a moment. Less than 30% of mothers receive the mental health treatment they need during the perinatal period.

A Decision to Take Care of Me

Thankfully, I was able to receive the treatment I needed for Postpartum Depression.

I asked my therapist about hospitalization because my symptoms were making the everyday functions of life feel like impossible hurdles. Getting out of bed, showering, and feeding myself felt as though they were just too much trouble to go through. Making my kids’ meals, picking the older ones up at the bus stop on time, or helping with their homework felt beyond impossible to accomplish. I was battling constant negative thoughts, including some scary ones that tried to persuade me my children would be better off without me. 

For a long while, I convinced myself that as long as there were decent days mixed in with the bad ones, everything was fine. When I struggled, my excuse to my kids was, “Mommy’s just having a bad day.” Well one day, when my six-year-old daughter replied with concern in her eyes, “But you were having a bad day the other day too,” my heart absolutely shattered. I knew that I would never be able to care for my children in the way that they deserved if I did not first do something to heal myself. And in my case, that meant leaving them for a week and checking into a hospital.

The Program That Saved My Life

The specialized nature of the Mother-Baby program at Pine Rest means it’s not what you might picture when you imagine a mental health hospital (someone once asked if it’s like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and let me assure you, it’s not). There are quilts on the wall. And, a sticky note affirmation board written by previous program participants. If one speaks to you, you’re welcome to take it.

Participants wear regular comfortable clothes and one mom while I was there even brought her guitar to play between sessions. The program consists of group and individual therapy, medication management, psychoeducation, and the use of complementary therapies (I participated in included aromatherapy, zen tangles, and guided meditation sessions while there).

A sign from Pine Rest that has become my mantra since attending.

I learned an incredible amount during that week. One of the most potent lessons was that self-care in motherhood doesn’t always look like yoga classes or locking yourself in the bathroom while you wolf down chocolate. Sometimes (and actually more often than not), it’s doing the hard things to make sure you are taken care of.

That might mean putting up with a screaming kid in a stroller while taking your afternoon walk in the sunlight. That might mean putting up with the whining that “we don’t want this for dinner” because you can’t cook multiple meals but it’s important that you get something healthy and nourishing to eat. It might mean putting your kid in front of a screen again so you have time to journal every day. 

I sincerely believe this program helped save my life. At the same time, I am cognizant of all my privileges that afforded me the ability to attend and the statistics demonstrating just how many moms do not access the appropriate level of care. It will require collective action for things to change, and I sincerely hope to be part of that change.

Maternal Mental Health Resources

If you or someone you know is struggling with a PMAD, let me be the one to tell you that things can get better. It won’t be like this forever. As discussed in this post, there are important benefits to receiving treatment. 

To find support, visit the Detroit Mom-Approved Guide to Therapists In and Around Detroit. Also, join Detroit Mom’s Mental Health Community Group or the Anxious Moms Support Group on Facebook. And, look out for information about regular free meetups.

**If you are in an immediate mental health crisis, please call 988 for the National Suicide + Crisis Lifeline.

Detroit Mom is passionate about speaking out about mental health and normalizing sharing our stories. We share our stories to help others feel deeply seen.

25 Teacher Appreciation Week Ideas

I think we can collectively agree that teaching is one of the most important jobs that one can have and is crucial to our children’s futures; yet, many teachers are overworked, underpaid, and under appreciated. Therefore, any chance I get to shout out, show love and kindness, or help in any way possible for my children’s teachers, I will be the first one there willing to help and shout their praises from the roof top.

This year Teacher Appreciation Week runs from May 6th-May 10th. Any teacher will tell you they don’t need or expect gifts, but I know for myself personally, if you are willing to care for and love my child as if they were your own, I am going to spoil you any chance I get!  Last year I chose three different simple gift items, added a cute tag, and my son had something special to bring to his teachers each day that week to show his appreciation–costing less than $20 total for a week of gifts.

Cute + Easy Teacher Appreciation Week Gifts

Here are 25 fun ideas for simple gift items, with free printable tags to include!

1. Bath Bombs: “Teacher, you’re the bomb!”

Tie this cute tag to a bath bomb wrapped up in cellophane and your teacher will be dreaming of a nice relaxing bath after school.

2. Bundt Cakes: “There’s no ifs, ands, or bundts about it…you are amazing!”

Nothing says you have an amazing teacher like handing them a scrumptious bundt cake to enjoy on their lunch break!

3. Cactus: “Needles to say, you’re a great teacher!”

Have a plant lover as your teacher? Send in something a little different than the normal flowers this year!

4. Chick-Fil-A: “Thank you for teaching our little nugget.”

We know those school nights can be crazy busy. The same goes for teachers! Grab a gift card, attach the tag, and your teacher will have a go-to meal on those busy nights.

5. Chocolate: “Thanks a choco-lot for all that you do!”

Godiva, Hersey’s, Lindt . . . what is your chocolate of choice? I mean, can you really go wrong with any of them?!

6. Cookies“Chip, Chip, Hooray!”

Swing by your favorite local cookie shop and grab a delicious fresh cookie to make your teacher’s day.

7. Donuts: “Donut what I would do without you.”

Get your teacher’s morning started off right with some donuts from a local donut shop. And even better, grab a coffee to go with it!

8. Flair Pens: “There’s no denying that you’ve got a flair for teaching!”

Who doesn’t love a fresh new pack of flair pens? Grab a fun new pack and they will for sure be loved!

9. Flowers: “I bloom because of you.”

The tried and true; flowers are sure to make your teacher’s day a bit brighter.

10. Honey: “I love to bee in your class.”

Get some fresh made honey from a local supplier (my favorite being Honey Help!), for a creative gift just as sweet as they are.

11. Ice Cream: “Here’s the scoop: you’re the sweetest.”

Either get a gift card to your favorite local ice cream shop or create an ice cream sundae basket. Either way, you will surely having them screaming for ICE CREAM!

12. Latte: “Thanks a latte for all you do.”

Get their day started with a pick-me-up and a little coffee love!

13. Lip Balm: “You’re the balm.”

After a day of talking and teaching little ones, I’m sure a gift of a nice lip balm would be greatly appreciated!

14. M&Ms: “Thank you for being such a magnificent & marvelous teacher.”

An easy gift! Grab your favorite variety, tape on the tag, and you are ready to go!

15. Manicure: “Mani thanks for all you do.”

Send your teacher for a little self care with a gift card to a local nail salon.

16. Markers: “What you do every day is reMARKable!”

We all know teachers go through white board markers quickly. So grab a fun color pack to brighten up their old markers!

17. Muffins: “Muffin to do but appreciate you.”

Swing by a local bakery on your way to school for a freshly baked muffin!

18. Pens: “Thanks for being dePENdable.”

There’s nothing like using a fresh pen when it glides on the paper nicely. Grab a new pack of fun pens for your child’s teacher!

19. Popcorn: “Just ‘poppin’ by to say thanks for a great year!”

A healthier snack alternative to help fill up their bellies throughout the day!

20. Reese’s Pieces: “I am thrilled to pieces to have you as my teacher.”

Who doesn’t love this chocolatey peanut buttery treat?!

21. Sharpies: “You’re one sharp teacher.”

With all the different Sharpie varieties, build up your teacher’s collection with this Teacher Appreciation Week gift!

22. S’mores: “We appreciate you s’more than you know!”

Get all the supplies needed for a good bonfire treat!

23. Soda: “I’m SODA-lighted you are my teacher this year.”

For the teachers whose go-to caffeine of choice is soda, grab their favorite type, pop on the tag, and make their day!

24. Summer: “Thank you for helping me shine.”

Pick up a cute towel, some fun sunglasses, and a nice-smelling sun screen to help get your teacher ready for summer!

25. Tacos: “Taco ’bout an awesome teacher!”

Grab a gift card to your favorite local Mexican restaurant or pick up all the fixings to have their own taco night at home!

Looking for Teacher Appreciation Week ideas for every day of the week? Rana shares a whole week’s worth of gift ideas!

Speaking Up For Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Trigger warning: This post contains descriptions of child molestation. 

I was about seven years old when my family was leaving for a vacation. We lived in the city and had hired a cab to drop us off at the bus station. I vividly remember fighting with my younger brother to sit in the front window seat of the cab but losing the battle, which ended up with me sitting next to an elderly cab driver. I grudgingly sat in the old cab, which did not have bucket seats.

The cab driver was talkative and welcomed me to sit next to him. Little did I know, he had other ideas and wanted to touch and feel me inappropriately. When the ride began, it started with pressing my chest gently and then doing it harder and then moving down to my thighs. I was shocked and didn’t know how to react.

I was screaming internally for help and tried to look at my parents in the backseat but couldn’t convey my agony. Did I have the courage to tell my parents? No, because I didn’t know how they would react. Will they get mad at me? Will they scold the driver? Will they cancel our trip?

I was scared and started crying but the cab driver didn’t stop. The ride finally ended, and I jumped out–with my childhood innocence left behind. 

Nothing changed for others but in one ride, I became aware of my body and the ugliness of the world.

At the age when girls look up to elders for guidance, my vision had blurred. I realized that protecting my body needed to be my number one priority from that day on. Nobody talked about it before or taught me this, but I learned it the hard way. Up until now, it still bothers me . . . why wasn’t I educated about this from an earlier age? Why didn’t my mother give me some idea that something like this could happen? 

It’s been 30 years now, but these memories stay with me even though the years have passed. The trauma, the feelings, the emotions, the helplessness . . . it doesn’t go away with time but subsides in a little corner of your heart. It surfaces when you empathize with someone going through similar emotions or when you want to protect your loved ones. 

So the next time your child seems uncomfortable hugging or kissing someone–even if it is a family member–I would encourage you to let them be.

Take this as a sign to talk to them about their body, their private parts, their safety, inappropriate touching, and what they should do if they find themselves in such situations. The biggest thing as a parent is to educate, listen to, and support your child.

Personally, when my child was about four years old, I started educating him about the exact names of the private body parts. I told him why someone touching them is inappropriate and that if anyone tries to do that, he doesn’t need to be submissive but to create a ruckus. Inform another adult or teacher, scream, shout, run, but to not be a victim as his mother was. 

Another thing that I reiterate is the policy of “no secrets.”

We give him space to tell us everything and if anyone tells him to keep a secret and to not tell the parents, that is not allowed. As he is growing, he will understand that not everybody has the best intentions. Nonetheless, as a parent I feel the responsibility to arm him up with knowledge that he will have in case he faces such a situation in the future.    

With that said, I will not be the one to hug your little ones or give them a kiss or tickle them until it becomes a laughter riot without their permission. My own trauma stops me from that. That little girl in me doesn’t want anyone to go through those emotions and will not do anything to make them uncomfortable. 

April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Child Abuse Prevention Month.

Here are some resources:

It’s so important to use our voices to raise up those around us and spread awareness. Here’s another post with tangible action steps you can take to support others.

Navigating Infertility + Caring For Your Mental Health

DISCLAIMER: The following post outlines the writer’s personal advice for navigating infertility. It is not intended to act as medical advice. As always, please consult your doctor with any questions about your mental health and/or infertility.

National Infertility Awareness Week is here. For those of us who are in (or have walked through) infertility, it is our banner week where we honor the strength and resiliency in you, as you navigate what can often feel like the fight of a lifetime. It is a time when what is often held in the quiet of our hearts and minds can bubble up and sharpen its voice and be heard. The worry you have felt, the loss, the fear, the sense of inadequacy . . . we can look around and collectively see how many are truly actually navigating this alongside of us. How we are truly not alone.

As a counselor, the most fulfilling part of my work has been walking alongside fertility warriors, whether running a support group or personal sessions, and being a very present support for them in the day-to-day nuances of their fertility efforts. I’m not sure what your support has looked like as you’ve walked through your fertility journey. Maybe you have felt the love and strength of your family and friends behind you fervently. Or maybe you have felt the isolation. You’ve seen friend after friend achieve a pregnancy, and they have slowly stopped asking for updates.

Maybe you have experienced the barrage of hallmark sentiments that diminish the reality of this experience, and it has quieted you from opening up and sharing your journey . . . you know, the, “Just relax and it will happen!”, or “Everything happens for a reason” moments that miss the mark of support, even when they are coming from our dearest loved ones.  

The people who feel most supportive are often not who we think they will be.

It can feel incredibly lonely. But I am here to remind you of something. Your village is out there, just continue to be brave enough to keep putting yourself out there until you have found them. It might not be your best friend who doesn’t have to think in terms of Cycle Days. Or has never carried a stim-shot on ice through an airport. It might be the co-worker who you never had too much in common with until you realized she was also late from her morning monitoring appointment. Or the strangers who become friends in your support group as you all approach a cycle together.  

There are wonderful, unexpected forms of support–many that will be with elevated visibility this week. Stay open & stay brave. Maybe it’s making the plunge to join that virtual support group, or check out some fertility-based guided meditations. Connecting with your local Resolve organization and participating in their awareness and advocacy events. Signing up for yoga class that is specific to those who are still in the “waiting.” It might be telling someone who loves you that things have actually been harder than you have let on. That you are treading so hard, but this process can feel so exhausting.

Your vulnerability is your superpower. And in the infertility community, we know that you don’t need false promises. Or sentiments of, “It will happen when you stop trying.” We know what it means to get in the hole together. To just let the feelings wash over us, knowing that just as they come, they will always go.

You see, we need each other so very much in this walk.

For hope, for connection, and for the ever-needed reminders that you have more strength inside of you than you ever thought humanly possible. When things start feeling tough, I want you to remember a few thoughts.

First, there are so many “lanes” ahead of you.

I use this analogy often, because I think the idea of a highway with lanes really resonates with us in the fertility world. We’re all heading in the same direction. We all hope we can get off at the exit ramp as soon as possible . . . we just have to figure out which lane is going to get us there. Whether a medicated cycle, IUI and all of it’s variations, IVF, Donor egg, Donor specimen, Adoption, Embryo Donation, gestational carrier or surrogacy options . . . knowing that you are not stuck in one lane, and that at any point, you can put your blinker on and move into another lane of treatment, can feel empowering. And if you need more time to feel if something is right for you, it’s okay to keep that blinker on a little longer and talk it through. Hearing others’ experiences can expand our education, widen our viewpoint, and give us hope.  

Another important thought: You often get to decide when to pivot, when to go around a perceived stop sign, when to get off the highway.

Yes, there may be some orbiting factors that may impact your Plan A. But with all of these lanes in front of you, it also means that you still hold the wheel in many respects. As your heart opens up to all of your options and possibilities, resonate that in a process that can feel very out of our control, you still have some choices. Something I often told myself in my fertility journey that kept me afloat was, “We don’t stop until I say so.” A bold thought, I know, but a reminder that until I had my baby in my arms, I was strong enough to keep going. Even if it meant switching lanes, even if it was different from what I expected. I just had to figure out which key was going to open the lock. 

Don’t forget to trust yourself.

It’s easy to forget you have a 10/10 record for handling the tough news, the tricky diagnosis, the heart ache . . . Your record is pristine, no matter how raw and fragile you have felt throughout this. Hold on to that. There is nothing ahead of you that we won’t be able to handle, or make a “What’s next?” decision about. You can hold hope and plow through the scary “what-ifs.” Because you are fierce, and strong, and have more than enough fight in you. You can do this. You can do this!

So during this week, take an inventory of your fellow warriors alongside you. We are here, and we are up for the fight. We hold each other up until we get to where we are going, we cry with one another, we celebrate the wins, and we remind one another of the incredible strength and resiliency that you have. Find your support, and share your story, and remember there is nothing ahead of you that you can’t handle. Never lose hope.

-Guest post submitted by Claire Hogan, MA, LPC

The 3 Parts of the Fertility Workup

Infertility is a very stressful time in a couple’s life. Sometimes it is hard to know where to begin, how to figure out where the problem lies, and which treatment options could be available. The good news is that a fertility workup does not take long and can provide valuable information to identify reasons for the struggle and appropriate treatment options to help make your family dreams come true.

Infertility is very common, affecting one in six couples. When a workup is performed, there are three parts of a triangle to evaluate a couple’s potential for getting pregnant. We will go through these three categories here.

The first is a hormonal evaluation that is done shortly after a woman’s menstrual cycle starts.

These hormones will look at everything that could affect the quality of ovulation, including female hormones, male hormones, thyroid, prolactin, sugar, and insulin. And, specifically, the follicle stimulating hormone (FSH)–which gives us an idea of how young the ovaries are. That level should be less than 10. Greater than 10 states that the ovaries are starting to get older, and this will impact the decision-making and timing of different fertility treatments.

Anti-mullerian hormone (AMH) gives an idea of “how many eggs we have left.” That AMH number should be greater than one. Less than one states that there are less eggs to work with.

These two values in combination with an ultrasound, looking at your ovaries to measure an antral follicle count (the number of little cysts in the ovaries that hopefully could give us an egg) together will give a woman her fertility potential. With consideration of your age and BMI, this fertility potential will then guide fertility specialists to recommend certain medication or treatment plans based on what we call ovarian reserve.

Secondly, we look at the structure.

Structure is very important because you need a normal uterine cavity as well as the tubes to be open. There are two tests we use to assess structure.

The first is an HSG, this is done in the hospital in the radiology department. The HSG procedure requires injecting radioactive dye into the uterus to assess the uterine cavity and tubes. The second is a sonohysterogram, which is done in the office. With a sonohysterogram, normal saline is used. The HSG is a better test to assess the tubes. The sonohysterogram is a better test for the uterus.

These tests should be done between cycle day 6 through 12 of your cycle so that you’re not bleeding to increase risk of infection, but also before you ovulate. If there is something in the cavity like polyps or fibroids, they can decrease your chance of success of pregnancy by up to 50%. Dilated tubes will decrease the chance of success by 50%.

If we see a problem in the uterus, many times that can be surgically corrected. IVF would most likely be required if the tubes are blocked. And, if tubes are dilated, there is an increased risk of ectopic and this can decrease success by 50% because fluid could go back into the uterus and be toxic to an embryo. Many times, if you have a dilated tube (it’s called a hydrosalpinx), we recommend removing that before proceeding with further treatment.

And lastly, we look at male factor.

30% to 50% of the time, there is a concern with the partner’s sperm count, and sperm parameters. Therefore, while his partner is getting the hormone and the structural workup, he should be getting a semen analysis. This is done by masturbation at home, abstaining from sex or masturbation for 2 to 7 days, and getting the sample to the office within an hour and kept warm. With a semen analysis, the sperm count, motility, shape, and volume, as well as any suggestion of infection, are evaluated and interpreted to determine his fertility potential.

These three parts of the triangle can be accomplished within the first two weeks of a woman’s menstrual cycle. The couple can then plan to start a fertility game plan.

A Message from Dr. K During National Infertility Awareness Week

To those struggling . . .

Don’t give up hope, there are SO many treatment plans available for success. Do not feel alone. We are with you on this fertility journey. You got this! WE got this! Take care of you and your partner. Take the time to love yourself and each other.

With love,
Dr. Kowalczyk

Detroit Mom Infertility Resource Guide

infertility resource

Being deemed “infertile” is overwhelming and devastating. Beyond the “Why me?”, you’re often left questioning whether you’re doing enough or what you’re not doing that you should be; wondering what the missing link could be that would just get you pregnant (and keep you pregnant). 

Jesse and I have both been there. As infertility warriors and advocates ourselves, we want you to know you’re not alone. 

Whether you’re just starting on your infertility journey and looking for guidance OR you’ve been weathering this storm for a while and are feeling stuck, Jesse and I put this infertility resource guide together in hopes it will give you a wide range of options to help you feel seen and supported. 

We asked the members of our infertility and loss community for their favorites in all things infertility in the Metro Detroit area and have crowdsourced their answers. 

Below is a compilation of doctors, practitioners, specialists, organizations, mental health professionals, books, podcasts, and social media accounts (and more!) that come recommended from our own personal experiences, our group members’ experiences, and/or insiders in the local infertility world. We believe these are some of the best of the best and hope these options serve your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being as you navigate this tricky path.

Most importantly, we want you to know you are not alone. And you most certainly are not broken. We hope the people, places, and things below can help remind you of that.

Sending big hugs,

Steffanie Marshall + Jesse Sutherland 

photo by Rachelle Welling Photography

INFERTILITY CLINICS IN METRO DETROIT

ADDITIONAL SPECIALISTS 

SUPPORT ORGANIZATIONS

SUPPORT GROUPS

MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS SPECIALIZING IN INFERTILITY

ACUPUNCTURE

CHIROPRACTIC CARE

INFERTILITY DOULAS + COACHES

HEALTH, WELLNESS, + NUTRITION 

OTHER PRACTITIONERS 

BOOKS

EMOTION-WISE:

MEDICAL-/BODY-WISE:

PODCASTS

SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS

BLOGGERS

We hope this is a well-rounded list that helps you feel like you have options to explore. What we DO NOT want you to think is that you need to be doing more than what you’re likely already doing. There are plenty of people “out in the wild” who we’re sure have already made you feel that way. This journey is full of twists and turns and roadblocks. So, if anything, we want you to feel like you have a roadmap full of alternative routes or additional pit-stops, where needed. 

At the very least, we hope you’ll join us in our Infertility & Loss Support Group and know you have a whole community of people who are willing and wanting to lift you up and walk alongside you. 

Sending love and light to each and every one of you.

Steffanie + Jesse 

Learn more about the women who proudly run the Detroit Mom Infertility + Loss Support Group.

Detroit Mom is an Amazon affiliate and may earn a small fee for qualifying items.

8 Ways to Support a Loved One Navigating Infertility

Trying for a baby can be such a fun and exciting time in our lives, but for so many, it has instead become one of the toughest. According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 6 people of reproductive age are impacted by infertility globally. And according to Piedmont Healthcare, approximately one-third of infertility is attributed to the male partner, one-third to the female partner, and one-third is caused by either a combination of problems in both partners or is unexplained.

It can be a challenging journey, not just for those who are experiencing it but also for their loved ones. The emotional roller coaster, endless appointments, financial stress, and uncertainty can take a toll on both physical and emotional well-being. If you have a loved one navigating infertility, it can be hard to know what to say or do to help.

Here are some of the top ways you can offer compassionate support during the challenging infertility journey.

8 Ways to Support a Loved One Navigating Infertility

Be mindful of your words; stay away from giving advice.

Words have immense power, especially when someone is struggling with infertility. Something that may have worked for you, may not work for them. Avoid making insensitive comments or offering unsolicited advice. Phrases like, “Stop stressing and it will happen,” or, “Just relax and have some drinks, that’s what I did,” may come from a well-meaning place, but can be hurtful. Instead, offer words of support, such as, “I’m here for you”.

Check in with them.

Some may think it may be bothersome or annoying to keep checking in with their loved one who is navigating infertility, but oftentimes it’s not! The best way to know whether they would like to be checked in with or not is to just ask. I know personally I really loved when my friends remembered important days like my ultrasounds, appointments, or transfer days. It can help them feel less alone and can help ease their nerves. Of course, always check with them first to make sure it’s okay that you check in with them.

Educate yourself.

Another way to offer support during an infertility journey is to take the initiative to educate yourself about infertility and the various challenges associated with it. This is especially important if they are going through treatment. Try not to drill them with a million questions that can be found on google. Understand the different treatment options, medical procedures, and emotional impact. This will not only help you offer more informed support, but will also show your loved one that you’re invested in understanding their experience.

Offer hope + encouragement.

While navigating infertility can feel overwhelming, offering hope and encouragement can provide much-needed comfort. Remind your loved one that they’re not alone in this journey and that there are support networks and resources available to them. Encourage them to stay positive and resilient, focusing on the possibilities that lie ahead.

Offer practical support.

Believe it or not, there is actually one key phrase that can be absolutely life-changing for someone going through this: “How can I best support you as you go through this?” These could be the exact words someone needs to hear. Whether it’s taking some tasks off their hands as a co-worker at work, or helping with household chores as their partner, any small gesture helps. As a friend you could even offer to cook a meal, send a thoughtful text, or deliver a gift to make them smile and remember that they have your support.

Respect their privacy.

Infertility is a deeply personal journey, and not everyone may feel comfortable discussing it openly. Respect your loved one’s privacy and boundaries regarding sharing their experience. Avoid sharing their story or asking intrusive questions without their consent. Let them lead the conversation and share as much or as little as they’re comfortable with. Letting them know that you are there when they are ready to talk is another great option.

Take care with pregnancy announcements.

If you are a friend and become pregnant, text them instead of surprising them with the news to allow them time to process. Acknowledge their journey too, and understand that they may need some time to digest things before they get super excited. Know that she may not be ready to attend things like baby showers and gender reveals, so try to be understanding about these too. If you see that one of her friends has recently announced their pregnancy, don’t be afraid to check in with her and just let her know you are here to talk/vent if she wants to. 

Take time to learn about their experience.

Empathy is key when offering support during an infertility journey. Take the time to understand what they are going through. Make sure to acknowledge the emotional ups and downs they may be facing. Listen without judgment and validate their feelings, even if you may not fully comprehend what they’re going through.

Resources for Support During an Infertility Journey

Facebook groups

Search for infertility support groups on Facebook. Once you join, check out the vibe and know that it’s okay if you don’t resonate with that specific one. There are tons out there, keep trying and don’t give up! 

Friends in real life and on social media

Believe it or not, some of the people that helped me the most were ones that I barely knew from social media. Some of us may not have friends in-person that have gone through this, but on social media it may be easier to connect. 

Chosen Infertility + Lauren Clements

Lauren is a good friend of mine who founded this incredible non-profit for infertility right here in Michigan. Chosen Infertility Group helps individuals and families make their way through their own infertility journey. Whether they are helping with resources or financially, it is their mission to help bring awareness to the infertility journey. This year they are offering nine grants to help couples cover the cost of fertility treatment including IVF, IUI, Surrogacy, Therapy, and Acupuncture. 

If you are looking for assistance with how to navigate infertility, please e-mail Lauren at [email protected] or Samantha at [email protected].

Infertility Clinic Recommendations

Acupuncture Recommendations

Clinical Therapists That Specialize In Infertility

For more information on infertility, visit https://resolve.org/.

-Guest post submitted by Samantha Dawson/samanthadawson_

It Made Me a Stronger Mom: Merry’s Infertility Journey

My husband and I met and got married in our late 20s. We knew that starting a family was a top priority once we were married, and we started trying right after our honeymoon. Things were going well, at least in the fact that my cycle was coming regularly. My cycle has always been irregular; sometimes it would be two weeks apart, and sometimes two or three months apart. But then it didn’t show up, so I thought maybe I was pregnant!

So I waited and waited. I reached out to my primary care doctor for a blood test, but it was negative. However, I knew something wasn’t right. I found an OB/GYN and just before my appointment, my cycle started. She didn’t really think much of the fact that it was missing for three months and since I was 29, she said to just keep trying and come back when we had been trying for a year.

Photo by Melinda Louise Photography

I should have asked for at least my bloodwork, to see where my hormones were. But I didn’t. During that three month period I remember having a dream about having triplets. I woke up with a start! I had no clue what that could mean, so I just shrugged it off.

By month ten, I had a few more negative pregnancy tests.

I made a vague post on social media and one of my husband’s cousins reached out and asked if we were having issues conceiving and she told me that they were, too. It was nice to hear from someone who had been where we were. By this point I was really starting to feel like a huge failure. No one in my family struggled to conceive. We were young and healthy. Why weren’t we pregnant already?!

When we were close to the year mark, I called a new clinic and met with an OB/GYN and they ran some bloodwork and my hormones looked good. My FSH was 2. We discussed our options and decided to start Clomid, and I was feeling pretty optimistic. One month later though, I had no period and was NOT pregnant. By now, this was negative pregnancy test #9 or so. So I waited, and waited, and waited. Still no cycle. I had really started feeling bad for myself.

Other people who got married the same year we did were pregnant, so why weren’t we?

It had been three months and still no cycle, so I called my clinic and they had me come in and have my hormones tested. The results came back with high FSH–64 to be exact. This is extremely high for a 20-something woman, even mid-cycle like I was. I was surprised but also relieved to have some answers.

At this point my OB/GYN referred me to an IVF clinic. I was scared and anxious but also a little excited and hopeful. The world of IVF was pretty new to my husband and I. We didn’t think we knew anyone who had done it. Turns out, though, we did–but so many people kept it hush, hush that we had no clue.  

Once all of the testing at the fertility clinic was done, I was diagnosed with high FSH and low AMH (egg count).

Essentially, I was pre-menopausal. My Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) suggested we do IVF as our best way to conceive. I was put on estrogen and progesterone to help lower my FSH and to bring on a cycle in a timely manner. Every month when my cycle came, I went in for bloodwork and an ultrasound.

During the first three months, my FSH was too high. By month 4, my FSH was 23! In healthy women of child bearing age, FSH should be well under 10 on Day 3 of your cycle–my RE wanted it under 20. We were so close. My RE said they were willing to try a medicated cycle if I was. And I was definitely ready, so I said yes!

I started injecting myself with a low dose of two IVF drugs, Menupur and Follistim.

Things were looking good: I had a few follicles growing, and my body was working the way it was supposed to. A few days in, they have you add an injection to help keep you from ovulating too early. My LH started to surge on Day 10 (typically they like day 12 or so) and so instead of canceling the cycle, they had me do a trigger shot (HCG) and go into retrieval early. Retrieval is typically done under anesthesia, so they put me under and when I came to I was told that we were too late. No eggs to collect. I was devastated!

My RE suggested that we go home and try the old fashioned way, just in case. After this cycle I started doing a deep dive on all the ways to try and lower FSH. Wheatgrass and  acupuncture were some of the biggest things. After a bunch of too high cycles, I decided to finally give acupuncture a try. My FSH went from 26.7 to 19! It was time to try another medicated cycle. And this time we knew I may ovulate early, so we were all prepared.

Everything went great. I responded to the meds, I triggered, and I went into retrieval– although this time I was awake. My nurse suggested it, especially since we only had one (maybe two) follicles. It was a very cool experience! My husband had to wait outside; I’m sure he was a nervous wreck. It felt like a really strong pinch and you have to stay super still. But it was so worth it.

As my RE placed the needle in to collect the eggs and then handed it off to the embryologist, we were all waiting on pins and needles to hear what we got.

I got two beautiful eggs, both mature and fertilized. We did a 3-day transfer; I think that with having only a couple of embryos, this was giving them the best rate of survival. And then, the dreaded two week wait.

It had only been 12 days, but I went in for bloodwork. I didn’t even make it back home and they had called to tell me I was pregnant. It was the best phone call! At 5 weeks 6 days, we went in to see if one or two embryos took. Remember that dream I had about triplets? I was kind of freaking out that there may be three in there. It was only one, and their heartbeat was strong. It was a little boy, and he turns seven this summer!

After having my son, I never went back on birth control.

I figured if it was meant to be, it would happen. A year later, though, nothing had happened. I stopped breastfeeding and started supplements to help lower FSH and boost egg quality. And, I started seeing my acupuncturist and even took some Chinese herbs. I went back to my RE and we tried three cycles, but all were canceled for various reasons. Right before the final medicated cycle, we had met with the RE and he said that he was willing to try one more cycle but if it didn’t work out, it might be time to try something else.

Since he didn’t offer donor eggs, we would have to move to a new clinic. I started looking for places that offered donor eggs in the area. I had to come to peace with donor eggs; it had actually been suggested way back with our original RE’s associate. Back then I was definitely not open to it at all. But four years later, after a lot of research, I had come to the conclusion that it was more important to me to have my child be at least biologically related to my husband and son, and I would still be able to carry a baby and bond with it that way.

Once we met with the new clinic and RE, he had me do a few different tests and procedures and just as we were preparing for a donor egg transfer, we found out we were pregnant naturally. We were shocked! My daughter just turned three.

A few things helped support me through this experience.

These included my husband, my mom and sister, and infertility support groups–and especially my faith, I prayed every night! This is not the journey I expected to take to motherhood. But it definitely made me a stronger mom. I’m so glad I went through all of this. It made me understand that everyone’s journey to becoming a mom is different, but in the end we are all in this together. So if you are struggling to conceive, open up to someone, find someone who has gone through it before, join support groups, and remember that you are not a failure.

–Guest post submitted by Merry Groen

Black Maternal Health Week Resources

Black Maternal Health Week is critically important. It raises awareness about the alarming disparities in maternal health outcomes faced by Black women in the United States. During this week, advocates, healthcare professionals, policymakers, and community members come together to address systemic issues such as racism, bias, and unequal access to quality healthcare that contribute to disproportionately high rates of maternal mortality and morbidity among Black women.

By highlighting these disparities and advocating for change, Black Maternal Health Week aims to drive policy reforms, increase support for maternal health initiatives, and ultimately improve the health and well-being of Black mothers and their babies.

There are persistent disparities in healthcare.

There have been improvements in healthcare access and outcomes nationwide. However, Black maternal health outcomes in Michigan–particularly in Detroit and Metro Detroit–continue to lag behind. Black mothers are disproportionately affected by maternal mortality. So, they’re facing higher rates of pregnancy-related complications and deaths compared to their white counterparts.

Black women face barriers to accessing healthcare.

Structural inequities such as lack of access to quality healthcare, racial bias in medical settings, socioeconomic factors, and inadequate insurance coverage contribute to the disparities in maternal health outcomes for Black women in Michigan. These barriers often result in delayed prenatal care, increased maternal stress, and limited access to essential resources and support services.

There’s also the impact of historical trauma.

Historical injustices, including systemic racism and discrimination in healthcare, have deeply rooted effects on Black maternal health in Michigan. The intergenerational trauma stemming from experiences such as medical experimentation, forced sterilization, and neglectful healthcare practices continues to shape Black women’s experiences during pregnancy and childbirth.

However, community-led solutions are out there.

Grassroots organizations and community initiatives in the Detroit area are actively working to address the disparities in Black maternal health. These efforts focus on providing culturally competent care and advocating for policy changes. They also offer support networks for expecting mothers, and promote holistic approaches to maternal well-being.

A Black Maternal Health Week Call to Action

Black Maternal Health Week serves as a poignant reminder of the urgent need to prioritize and invest in Black maternal health in Michigan. It calls upon policymakers, healthcare providers, community leaders, and individuals alike to take proactive steps to dismantle systemic barriers, amplify Black voices, and ensure equitable access to comprehensive maternal care for all women, regardless of race or ethnicity.

Improving black maternal health outcomes is crucial. And, there are several resources available in the Metro Detroit and Ann Arbor areas that specifically cater to this need. For those seeking to get involved or access support services for Black maternal health in Michigan, consider reaching out to:

Birth Detroit

Birth Detroit values love, justice, safety, and trust. This organization is working to create a birthing center in Detroit that is providing quality, loving, safe care from pregnancy to postpartum and everything in between.

Black Mothers’ Breastfeeding Association

Based in Detroit, this organization provides breastfeeding support and maternal health education tailored to the needs of Black families.

Michigan Department of Health and Human Services – Maternal Infant Health Program

This organization offers resources and support services for pregnant and postpartum individuals, including maternal health education, home visiting programs, and breastfeeding support.

Shai Doula Services

This organization is providing reproductive care to birthing people in the Detroit area and surrounding communities, and is a Black-women led organization.

Sister Song

A national organization that focuses on reproductive justice, including maternal health advocacy.

The Mom Wellness Cave

This organization provides experiences to help mothers enhance their motherhood journey and is created for and by moms.

When seeking support and resources, it’s essential to look for culturally competent care that acknowledges and addresses the unique challenges and needs of Black mothers.

Caring for your mental health is incredibly important. If you’re looking for support, please check out our Guide to Therapists In + Around Detroit.

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The Best Holiday Lights In + Around Detroit: Free + Ticketed...

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