Our Walk From Foster Care To Adoption

By

-

May 24, 2016

We were in the wake of a devastating family tragedy when we met our son. It was late into the evening on Friday, August 23, 2013 when he was placed into my arms for the first time. He was a tiny peanut just shy of being 4 weeks old, barely sustaining his 5 pounds of life. He was the smallest baby I’d ever held. I didn’t know then that I was holding my first born. I didn’t know then the whirlwind that would be the following 23 months. I didn’t know then that my heart could love another human the way I would come to love him. That was the night my husband and I met Kaiden and rocked him in our arms for the first time. As we cooed and stared at his precious face, we had no idea what journey we were about to embark on. The journey of foster care to adoption.

Five days after we met Kaiden, he was placed with us through Child Protection Services. Our situation was unique in comparison to a lot of foster families. Kaiden’s birth mother is my younger sister. Circumstances at the time led CPS to remove him from her care and place him with us temporarily. We were told 3-6 months, AT MOST, until she was able to get him back.

The first few months were scary and hard. We were thrown into the thick of caring for a newborn suddenly on top of DHS visitation schedules, court appointments and paperwork… so much paperwork. All of which did not compare to the emotional struggle of dealing with my sister and the family dynamic that was forever changed the moment we decided to do this.

It was when Kaiden was about five months old that we started discussing the viability of this being a long term deal, and that adoption could be on the horizon. And it was then that we really embraced being his mom and dad instead of his aunt and uncle.

In those short five months, I came to love this tiny person who I did not grow in my belly, but may as well have. He had me wrapped around his chunky little baby finger. It was just a few months prior that I stood on my soapbox shouting about how we would be the married childless couple and I reveled in that! Oh the freedom we had and how we loved it so much. It was just us two, free as birds to come and go as we please. We would sit back and enjoy our sleeping in and regular movie dates as our friends complained about their cranky infants with dark circles under their eyes. It wasn’t until the raw moments of caring for a newborn that I realized life isn’t always about those trivial things.

We had court every few months so they could check in on the progress of the birth parents and how their relationship was coming along with Kaiden. Those were some of my hardest moments. Sitting there in court, while neither parent showed up, and them (the court) offering chance after chance for the parents to get their act together. WE were Kaiden’s parents. WE were the ones loving him, nourishing him and snuggling him. WE were the ones who saw the first time he clapped his hands together in excitement or the first time he wiggled his way across the room. Why should these birth parents get yet another chance at taking him away from us?

But such is life within the foster care system. The unknowns swirl around you with constant uncertainty and hopefulness.

And the weekly visits… oh the weekly visits. Each week the birth parents were given two hours, once a week, to spend time with Kaiden supervised by DHS. And week after week they wouldn’t show up. This was heartbreaking. Devastating. As much as I wanted them to not show up so this could be over with it still broke my heart every time knowing that they were choosing to not see him.

I would have nightmares of Kaiden being taken from us. He was our child. He was our son. And to ever picture him being anywhere else without us? It shattered my heart into a million pieces every single time the thought entered my mind. But we both accepted that it was a potential reality, that it was a possibility. We had to prepare ourselves for the worst. We had to be prepared for him to be taken from us and to never see him again.

The family dynamic of all this is so crucial to our story. Somehow, to many people on either side, we were the bad guys. We were taking on the role of Kaiden’s parents and we didn’t have the right to do so (or so some thought). However, our perspective was much different. Kaiden’s biological parents weren’t stepping up to be that for him. We were the ones seeing the day to day ins and outs of what was really transpiring with his biological parents and it wasn’t fair that Kaiden was the one who would suffer. So we accepted that this would be our role for him in his life, even if it would be temporary. We would rather be the ones to carry the emotional burden later on if he were ripped from us.

After several months, court hearings, tears, heartache and disappointment, in November of 2014 the biological parents rights were terminated by the State of Michigan. This began our process to adoption which we assumed would be fairly simple. However, we hit some speed bumps along the way, notably being when the biological father filed for an appeal of the termination of rights which could inevitably prolong our adoption process to another 9-12 months.

A few months after the appeal was filed Kaiden’s biological father passed away. I was incredibly broken-hearted over this and mostly for my son. It was yet another part of his life that was chosen for him. If and when he would ever want to meet his birth father, that choice was taken from him.

Two weeks before Kaiden’s 2^nd birthday we got the call we’d been waiting to hear for nearly 2 years – he was officially a Dockery.

There are so many things that come up when I write about Kaiden’s foster care and adoption story. I could write page after page about the turmoil in my heart during this time period. I have so many emotions tied to this as I’m sure most would, but more so because he once belonged to my sister. And that’s a fact that will forever remain unchanged.

During the two years that Kaiden was a ward of the state he was always my son – I just didn’t know it. He was my first born. He was the one that taught me more about myself than being married and childless ever could have. He was the one who made me a mom, and to that I am eternally grateful.

And to my dearest son, Kaiden John Paul Dockery:
You grew in my heart instead of my belly. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Love,
Momma

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” – Oceans by Hillsong United

May is Foster Care Awareness month. Check out https://www.childwelfare.gov/fostercaremonth/ for more information on how you can become a foster parent and save a child’s life.

I Fed My Baby Where You Peed

By

Elizabeth Lewis

-

May 22, 2016

It wasn’t until I was placed in a bathroom to feed my brand new baby that I understood the pure anger a mother feels when stores don’t accommodate breastfeeding mothers. I hadn’t really thought about it. I read about it, I heard about it but I’d never experienced it. It’s not that I didn’t care, I just didn’t give it a second thought. I can tell you it’s something that won’t infuriate you until you’re standing there, in a dirty bathroom, trying to feed a new baby while standing up that you realize just how wrong it is that stores don’t educate their staff or have a halfway decent place we can just sit down. Just for a few minutes. Just so our babies aren’t eating in a place that someone just peed all over the seat and didn’t wipe up because frankly they don’t care or even worse, did a number two minutes before you walked in. Think about that one…

DirtyBathroom1 — This my friends is the actual bathroom.

You may be wondering why I took a new baby into a store. Well it’s simple. He’s number 3. Life still has to go on. I have two other children that need me. That particular day my daughter needed something specific from a store. So we packed up our family and headed out. Because I’m breastfeeding he didn’t have a choice. Into the car he went. It felt good to get out. To walk around. To see people. To breathe the fresh air in.

We got into the store and my daughter seemed to take what seemed like forever. I knew at any minute that little man of mine was going to want to eat (blessed with a cluster feeder over here). As I heard him get restless I figured I better have a game plan. Preparing myself to feed him was way better than waiting until the last minute. I walked over to the the young lady standing by the changing rooms and I kindly asked her if I could use one of the changing rooms to feed my baby. It wouldn’t take long. There wasn’t a single person occupying them. Not one person. She looked at me and excitedly said, “Oh, we have somewhere you can feed your baby.” I was surprised but excited that they had a nursing room. Why wouldn’t they?! They were a large well known company. Then she opens the door for me and it’s a bathroom, yes, a dirty, stinky bathroom.

The better part of the story is that when the manager found out I was in the bathroom this young lady came over to quietly knock on the door to let me know it was ok to use a changing room to feed. Quite honestly I was in shock and my baby was hungry. I did stand there and nurse him enough to keep him content. What’s a woman to do with engorged breasts and a postpartum state of mind?! I walked out to grab my husband (who was being apologized to by the manager countless times) and let him know I was ready. Like I really don’t want to shop here ready. To some you may be wondering what the big deal is but to women who’ve experienced this or could in the future. It’s. A. Big. Deal.

It was in that very moment that I realized how crazy it is that companies don’t consider this. This wasn’t a mom and pop shop. This was a well known store that carried baby clothes. A place that would clearly have breastfeeding mothers in it. A store that could afford it. We aren’t asking for a spa like room with comfy chairs and lit candles. We are asking for a place to take a seat, to feed our babies and a place that’s clean. I can feed just about anywhere but I’m on baby #3. I’m comfortable and confident feeding. I can manage to feed my baby fully clothed, boobs concealed and little attention drawn to myself but it isn’t like that for everyone. First time, even second time moms won’t feel that way. They want privacy. They want to feel comfortable feeding their baby without worry about having a Janet Jackson half time moment while trying to just figure out what exactly they’re doing. Is this really too much to ask? I want to be clear in this is not just for the breastfeeding mother but for the mother wanting to sit down and feed her baby a bottle. It’s for any mother…

Take a minute to consider what it would feel like if you were asked to eat in the bathroom. Regardless of whether or not you breastfeed – just think about it.

Helping Your Child To Proactively Deal With Bullies

By

Mary

-

May 19, 2016

When I saw her come out of school crying, I immediately went into panic mode. I scooped her up in my arms and wiped away the tears. I wanted to take away the hurt, and yet I felt so helpless.

As a parent you never want to see your child hurting, especially because of the words or actions of another child. So when bullying happens, even to a smaller degree, how do you rise above it? How can you help your kid to be prepared for the time when a bully may strike?

Bullying is alive and well, and we’ve all dealt with it to some degree throughout the years. If you think back on your own childhood, there’s a good chance that you yourself dealt with bullies before there was even much attention on them.

I’m not saying that my children have been targets or that the bullying has been extreme. In this day and age though, any instance of a child being cruel or saying hurtful things is taken very seriously. We just live in a different society now—and if you ignore the unkind words and actions it can evolve into so much more. So helping your kids early on can really set a good tone.

Here’s the thing—I never imagined having to tell my daughter to stand up for herself in kindergarten. Yes even five year old sweet little girls can be mean! I was astonished but I immediately went into “mama bear mode”. I tried to make sense out of why somebody would pick on my child? The reality is that you may never be able to figure it out, but you as the parent can do your best with a proactive strategy.

Give Your Kids Three Steps To Dealing With Bullies

It boiled down to a three step approach that we’ve kept with and it has worked really well for both of my kids. We talk about bullies, we talk about how words and actions can hurt, and we talk about being kind and treating people well. They know that it is expected of them to be kind and treat people nicely.

So if somebody isn’t giving them the same respect or if they have a problem, then these three steps are what they inherently know they can turn to for help with the problem.

Step 1: If somebody says something unkind or hurts your feelings, then you first stand up to them. You tell them that it’s not okay to talk to you that way and that they are hurting your feelings.

Step 2: If they physically hurt you or touch you, or if they continue saying cruel things then you go to your teacher or an adult. At their young age, I tell them that the teacher or adult is there to help them. I don’t care if it’s a noon aide, a teacher, or another parent, if you can’t handle the situation or if it’s keeping up or getting worse then you ask the adult in charge for some help.

Step 3: Mommy gets involved! I don’t want it to get to this point for a variety of reasons. Let’s be honest here and say that mommy knows what’s going on because we talk about these things. I hope and pray that they always talk to me, but for now I will embrace the fact that they still do. I will try my best to let them work it out for themselves, but if things are still happening or if they are getting worse then mommy will be at school meeting with the adults to figure out what’s going on and how to get it under control.

It may not be a foolproof method and I recognize that this may not work forever. For now though, this helps them to build confidence and sharpen their skills in conflict resolution. That will come in handy as an adult, because as we know bullies exist at any age and stage of life.

We also do role playing with our kids if somebody says or does something mean to them. We talk openly about peer pressure, because believe it or not that’s already come up in second grade.

Kids Can Be Mean So Talk To Your Kids About It

I can’t believe how quickly kids are growing up; they’re saying and doing things way earlier than we did. I also can’t believe how many parents aren’t talking to their kids or teaching them manners or discipline. Life can be cruel sometimes and so can people—and I feel like talking to our kids about what they may encounter helps a lot.

It’s a fine balance and we’re still working it out all the time. Sometimes kids are just mean without being actual bullies, but helping to instill confidence in our kids helps them to be prepared for anything.

Though the cruel words from other kids may hurt, I do know that they have the confidence and knowledge to try to let them roll off. I also know that they have a few ways of coping and hope that the bullying never gets bigger than them because of this.

I will do my best to stay involved in their life, to know what’s going on in their days, and to help them to be prepared for the kid that just doesn’t quit. All I can hope is that this will help my kids to know how to deal with these situations if they arise. I hope that “mama bear” doesn’t have to come out and that my kids are ready and able to handle conflict if and when it arises!

In Their Own Words: A Kids’ Take on Parents who Travel for Work

By

Kate Bell

-

May 18, 2016

Thanks for reading along with our last two posts from moms who have travel as part of their family story.

If you missed it, here are the links:

Working Mom: Travel Required

Traveling Husband: when Mom stays home

Of course, being moms, kids are always on our heart and mind… which made us wonder ” how do the kids feel?” So, we interviewed a group of kids each who have a parent who travels. From their response we compiled a list of questions. Here is what the kids had to say. Honest to goodness kid words. Some sat silent for responses, some were random, well, go ahead read on – enjoy:

What is special when mommy/daddy leaves?

Nothing. I just really miss him. And there is less yelling – (8)
Sometimes, I get to sleep with mama. (4)
We have time with you. (5)
I get some alone time in the Lego room (8)
Giving hugs to Daddy (5)
Phone calls with him while he is gone (7)
I get to sleep in his bed and cuddle with Mama. (5)
I like how Mama gets us pizza when he’s gone and we do some fun things while he’s gone. I also like that I get to be the “Man of the house” (13)
When my dad leaves I can spend more time with my mom. Daddy always kisses me goodbye and gives me a pep talk for the week, like if I have basketball he reminds me to follow thru on my shot. (10)
I watch him go down the street, then he honks and I wave. (8)
Playing with daddy. (3)

What is special when they come back home?

We get to play with daddy. (5)
Daddy tries to do fun things. (4)
Read at my school. Takes me to airtime (8)
I get some time with just daddy in the Lego room (8)
Playing with him (5)
Giving lots of hugs and playing family soccer (7)
She give us a surprise (4)
I like when Daddy brings us candy or gifts. I like that he’s back so we can start wrestling again. We get to have our family movie night again. (5)
The gifts are cool from all the places he travels to. (13)
I get to tell him how I did in all my activities, give him lots of hugs and kisses and hear about is work. (10)
We play basketball outside (8)
I was happy when mama came home and brought me a present. (3)

What do you miss when mommy/daddy is gone?

I miss playing Legos with daddy. (5)
Dad makes good pancakes (8)
I miss going in dads workshop (8)
I miss playing with him (5 and 7)
I miss mama the most (4)
I miss Daddy when he’s gone and his funny characters. I miss wrestling and him making my lunches. (5)
I miss his help with Math and I miss how he is there to help out my mom. (13)
I miss him coming to my sports events. Also when he makes me laugh with his jokes. (10)
I miss everything about him. (8)
Playing with mama and saying prayers. (3)

What do you like about being home with just your mommy/daddy?

Have breakfast with mommy and brother. (5)
You pick us up from school every day, which I really appreciate. (8)
I get to sleep with my mom sometimes (4)
“I just like everything with mom like when she teaches me basketball” (8)
Playing with kitties (seriously, he said that) (5)
Nothing (ouch! after seeing the look on my face he said) I like the whole family being together rather than just one person being left out. And he does like practicing for family soccer with just mommy. (7)
I get to sleep on the floor every night! (4)
I get to sleep in her bed with her. She will take me to get ice cream, take me to a movie, and to the park. (5)
She helps me get through homework faster so we can all go out someplace cool and have time together that is not just home and school. I like getting to spend time with her and help her out with things I normally don’t have to, but I’m glad when my Dad comes back so I don’t have to anymore! (13)
I like that we can do girl things! Also, I can bond with her while we do something fun together. (10)
Mommy’s just fun! (8)
Daddy and I lay in mamas bed and watch Frozen. (3) (That’s right – even when I am not there – It’s MY bed!)

I’m Not Crazy! I’m Just Parenting Little Kids

By

Courtney

-

May 17, 2016

With three young children {6, 4 & 23 months} there are several days of the week where I feel like I just don’t have it all together. Despite my best juggling efforts, chaos becomes the order of the day, and I start to feel a little crazed…..a little crazy!

On any given day:

There is clean laundry all over my bedroom floor.
Yesterday’s makeup is smeared under my eyes and I look like a raccoon.
There are toys on literally every available surface of my home.
My school drop-off clothing has become a uniform: yoga pants, a fleece, my rainboots (even when it’s not raining because they are just so easy to slip on), and sunglasses (even when it is raining because you know….the aforementioned raccoon eyes).
I can’t find a matching sock for anyone in the house to save my life
Have you ever heard of a Toothpaste Massacre? ‘Cause it’s a reality in our home!
Last night’s dinner dishes? Still on the counter.

And the list goes on….

As a person who thrives on order and organization, it’s a hard pill to swallow. I want things to be neat and organized, I want to look somewhat presentable when encountering other parents at 8:30 am in the school parking lot. How am I supposed to make mom friends when my hair resembles a Sea Urchin?!

But the reality is this:

I choose sleep over primping. With a teething toddler prone to ear infections, I take sleep when and where I can find it. Sometimes I can wake up at 5am and get ready for the day; most days, I choose the welcoming embrace of shut-eye.
Yesterday’s make up {if even worn!} is still on my face because I fell asleep reading stories to my 6-year-old. He still wants to snuggle and I’m relishing in those stolen, quiet moments with him.
The clean laundry on my floor? Anyone who has attempted laundry for a family of 5 with two little “helpers” knows the drill: I can’t even begin to start an organized pile before it’s destroyed.
Matching socks? The sock monster is alive and well, and living in my dryer. Matching exact stripes and patterns isn’t worth the time and effort.
Last night’s dinner dishes: this one still gets to me. I love a clean kitchen in the morning, it lends such a fresh and new feeling to start the day. But putting 3 kids to bed should qualify as an Olympic event. My husband and I are tired afterwards: so. incredibly. tired. Sometimes we favor relaxing over cleaning the dishes – a few, stolen moments just for ourselves. Often, we fall asleep with the kids while reading, talking, or snuggling with them.

So I have a choice: I can stress about being mega-organized, put-together and always on top of my game, or I can allow chaos to reign a little bit in my home for the greater good of spending quality time with my children. I choose time with my children. When I start to feel frustrated about those dirty dishes or that laundry pile, I remind myself that this time is so fleeting: my kiddos will not be young forever. They will eventually learn to fully spread their wings. It’s happening every day. Each milestone, every accomplishment, each step forward for my three little ones is a step away from their dependence on me. It’s a wonderful and sad notion all in one.

Some days I do have it all together: when all 3 kids sleep until 7, when no one is up at night for a potty break, a bad dream, or teething pain, when the stars magically align and I have the opportunity to shower, dress and enjoy a hot cup of coffee before my brood awakens. But most days, I know I must look a little crazy with my school drop-off uniform fully in place, and my untamed curly hair thrown up in a “messy” bun {only girls with curls will understand this one: a messy bun is our reality, not a style!}.

Don’t misunderstand me: I adore my children, and the life we have together. I wouldn’t change it for the world. By choosing and embracing our happy little chaos, I’ve learned so much about life and living and the unconditional love that a parent has for a child. To date, parenting has been the greatest challenge, lesson and blessing of my life. Some days it’s just crazy hard.

So if you see me in the elementary school parking lot, at preschool drop-off or even at the grocery store {where my kids will likely be snacking on the very effective grocery-store-bribe of doughnut holes}: Yes, I may look a little crazed. Please, don’t judge! I’m just a mom in the trenches, trying to do her best.

Sex after Kids: Netflix and ZzzZzzZzz

By

Amber Cross

-

May 16, 2016

Ahhh – the honeymoon phase – that time when you lose track of how many times you have sex in a 24 hour period. In fact, you actually WANT to have so much sex in a 24-hour period that you lose track. That was an amazing time.

0555 — We were pregnant less than 2 weeks after we got married!!

Then you have so much sex that you get pregnant. Maybe that was your goal! My husband and I conceived our first child 9 days or so after we got married. That was our plan. We started literally the minute we got home from our wedding reception.

You and your husband talk about the future and how you don’t want your love for each other to change and you promise each other that you’ll still have copious amounts of sex no matter what. You’ll still use the words “sexy” and “hot” to describe your sex life.

Heh. That’s cute.

I’d just like to say that I still find my husband as “hot” and “sexy” as I did the day I first laid eyes on him. He actually became more attractive to me when he became a daddy. However…

The newborn phase is a rude awakening. You picture in your mind how you think parenthood will be and then they lay that little baby in your arms and it’s honestly the EXACT opposite of any of the books I’ve read or movies I’ve seen. It completely takes up every moment of every minute of every hour of every day for those first few months. Everything else kind of takes a backseat – including your sex life.

Doctor’s orders tell us no sex for 4-6 weeks and possibly longer depending on your birth story. I’m guessing you are in one of these categories: You’re saying 4-6 weeks until I can have sex again??? I can’t wait to pounce on my husband!! OR you’re saying: Thank God I have an excuse not to have my husband ‘poke’ me in the middle of the night. If you’re in the first category, GO you! That’s amazing. I wish I had your drive and enthusiasm. However, if you’re in the second category – I feel you, sister. Fatigue, recovering baby body, mesh underwear – that doesn’t scream sex to me.

After the newborn phase passes a whole slew of milestones and memories begin to occur. One element remains: Fatigue. From the time I open my eyes in the morning until my children are asleep I am constantly driving, buying, wiping, filling, playing, crying, kissing, etc. It never ends. It’s all I can do to walk to my bedroom and turn down the sheets let alone heat them up with a romp in the sack. I feel like I went from Milk Machine to Human Booger Wipe to someone my husband used to know. Motherhood has taken it all out of me.

So, with that being said – how do we get it back? Again – I still find my hubby attractive and I want to be there for him ‘that way’. It’s not only me that’s lost the spark due to the tired mess of parenthood. He’s just as tired as I am most of the time. We have an open discussion about it every now and then and by no means are we ‘dry’ forever. It usually happens at the most unusual of times and I’ve found that we usually take it wherever and whenever we can get it (or however we can do it where the kids will be distracted for a bit).

We can’t be the only ones out there who still have CRAZY passion and mad love for each other, but just can’t seem to stay awake long enough to enjoy an intimate moment alone together. It’s kind of a sensitive subject with some and I, for one, believe it deserves some attention!! Who’s with me?

Share your story with us! How do you find time for your significant other through the chaos of parenthood! We want to hear from you!

{Playdate Announcement} Make a Splash :: SafeSplash Playdate

By

Elizabeth Lewis

-

May 16, 2016

The current weather consists of confusion with a mix of sun! While we realize we live in Michigan and the weather is quite unpredictable I think we can agree we wish Mother Nature would just make up her mind. She gets us excited for sun, fun filled days outside and days upon days of SWIMMING. We’re over here screaming {at the top of our lungs} bring on summer. But why wait until it’s warm outside?! Grab your bathing suit, goggles and boogie board because we’re bringing you a SafeSplash playdate that will get you even more excited for summer.

FAQs

What can I expect during the playdate?

When you first arrive, you will be matched with one of the amazing instructors present from SafeSplash and slip into the water for a mom and tot (6 – 24 months) style session or one of the other 3 sessions available. Sessions will be broken up depending on your child’s age. You can expect some fun games and tons of interaction between you and your child while in the water, and of course – wonderful guidance from the instructors too. Then after class wraps up, you’ll have a chance to talk with the SafeSplash team before grabbing a goodie bag, hanging out in the Kids Club and making arts and crafts.

What if I have more than one child?

As we mentioned, SafeSplash’s number one focus is on child safety, so they are requiring a 1:1 ratio with one adult for every one kid. But if you are a mom to more than one, we’ve got you covered. We’ve broken up the groups to allow for you to enjoy this playdate with more than one child.

What age is this playdate geared toward?

This play date is open to kiddos age 6 months old and up, but we think that kids in the 1 – 5 age range will have the most fun!

I’ve grabbed my ticket, now what do I need to do?

To finish up the registration process and fully prepare for the playdate, all participants will also be required to register via SafeSplash’s website. There you will be able to tell the instructors a little bit more about your little one and any of their unique needs, and keeping in line with those safety standards, also fill out waivers and read more about safety practices too. For now, just be sure to grab that ticket though. We will follow up with the link for registration and step-by-step instructions to make that part a breeze! But don’t worry ladies, if you forget to register you’ll be able to do this when you arrive. We do ask that you arrive 15 minutes early just to ensure everything is all set for your scheduled time.

#dmbplaydate & #iamsafesplash are the hashtags!

If you know us, then you know we LOVE when you use social media as a fun way to spread the word, connect with new friends, and build our community. So we would love for you to help us spread the word about this fun playdate before, during and after the event.

Don’t forget to purchase ONE ticket per child. Tickets are extremely limited and will be sold on a first come, first serve basis – so grab them quick!

Powered by Eventbrite

Please Note :: Tickets are non-refundable, and this event will happen rain or shine. With advance notice, we will attempt to connect you with another mom who is interested in purchasing your ticket should the need arise. Also, by purchasing this ticket you understand that your photo or that of your child may be taken and give permission for Detroit Moms Blog to use it on their site, in promotional materials, and/or on their social media platform.

Traveling Husband: when Mom stays home

By

Kate Bell

-

May 12, 2016

My husband is fortunate to be employed with a company that appreciates his talents and experiences. Plus, he likes what he does. We are fortunate to live in a place where we are supported by our family. My sons are close to both sets of grandparents who live within a 12 minute drive. However, two of these worlds (work and family), for our family of four + a cat, are not in the same place.

Since this is our story, I have found a way to identify myself: I am a married – but a single – momma. My husband travels Monday – Friday with some weekends included. We count his travel in weeks, not days. His schedule changes at a drop of a hat. I don’t count him for dinner until he calls to say he is on his way home from the local office. Then I have 12 minutes. And Go. Tacos are a go to dinner.

Before I go any further: My hats are off to all single parents out there. You are amazing. I am in awe. How DO you find balance? No matter your story, loving our kids is the bottom line. Supporting our families is the goal. Through love, laughter and adventure, we find the joy in the day. Some days it is hard. The power of prayer keeps me going.

My husband is scheduled to return tomorrow – he has the goal of being in town to catch our oldest son’s poetry reading at school. He will have been away for three weeks his time. He leaves again Tuesday morning, but it could be come Monday afternoon. He constantly comes and goes. He leaves his laundry at the hotel desk to do (love that a bit!) so we don’t spend our time together doing his wash. My kids ride the emotional roller coaster of daddy coming home and going again. I do to.

24-48 hours before he leaves, the kids get ornery. I get a little distant. It’s like the game faces are coming out. And 24-48 hours before his scheduled return, the questions start – ‘daddy comes home when? Will he be here for dinner?’ and sometimes the behavior changes come in waves of unpredictability that leaves me gasping for air or asking for forgiveness after I am quick to act or speak to my kids. I hate it. But I am aware of it. Maybe it’s getting easier? Maybe.

Spring break gave us a glimpse as to what Daddy does when he travels for work. We went with him, rocked the hotel stay and rental car. We saw where he works, his desk, his responsibilities he explains. We met the hotel staff that he has made a distant family with. The boys and I took over the town and really explored what the area had to offer. Best of all, we had dinner as a family Every Single Night. It was bliss. Not to mention the hotel made my bed, had coffee ready AND made my breakfast each morning. There were a few perks, but come the end of the week, I was ready to be home. I don’t know how he does it. Our bed is comfy! Thankfully the people he surrounds himself with are caring individuals.

Each time he leaves, I put on an invisible ~~cloak~~ cape, and muscle through it all as best as I can. I feel like I put too many expectations on my oldest and find myself skirting the simple moments with my youngest because I am tired. I am lonely. I just want my family together.

I DO love the time with my kids. I love our conversations in the car on the way to and from school. I LOVE it when they see I need help. I love seeing them mature… but I am SAD my husband misses it. (See my post on Transitions, it will provide a glimpse at how my oldest is growing up too fast.) The transition my sons are going through in general life are expected, however, on the level of maturity and responsibly that comes with this role of a married single momma trying to hold it all together seems to be rushing it.. I’m still not sure how to balance it well.

My goal is for a balanced home life. Happy kids. A healthy marriage (that’s a whole other post in itself!) and a bit of peace in my heart each day. Faith gets me through. I believe I am only given what I can handle, though, I could use a little respite and our family could really grow and thrive with more time together.

Until that time happens, we power through. I do what needs to be done. I seek ways to fill my kids buckets just enough and sometimes I have a glass of wine on a Wednesday. It’s all ok. Looking forward to hanging my cape up for a few hours this weekend, it needs a rest too.

Of course there is another story, so here’s what the mom who travels has to say.

Working Mom: Travel Required

By

Kim C.

-

May 11, 2016

5 days. 120 hours. 7,200 minutes. Vegas. Possibilities. Not endless possibilities because I am actually travelling for work but for 5 glorious days I will be kid and husband free. Cold? Callous? Maybe, but I’ll be in Vegas so who cares?

I will sleep in a king sized bed; ALONE. I will wake up on my own; no one will be yelling for me. I will take a long hot shower; no one will be banging at the door. I will eat hot meals made of anything I want; no one will interrupt me for ketchup or milk or seconds. I will fall asleep reading in silence or with a TV on. I will watch anything I want. I will see a show; it will contain no Disney characters. I will stay up past 10pm. I WILL CONSUME WINE.

I know that I will miss my family. I will call home every night to check in, say prayers and goodnight. I will miss curling up next to my husband at the end of the day and checking on my sweet sleeping toddler long after she’s fallen asleep. I’ll even miss putting the dog out one last time and hearing her trail behind to keep us safe as we settle in for the night. The pillow top mattress and Egyptian cotton sheets should soften the blow.

I will also do everything I can to help prepare my family for being out of our normal routine for a few days. I will set out clothes and pre-pack lunches. I will stock up on medicine and dog food, make early drop off arrangements and schedule swim make-ups. I will type up a “Don’t Forget” list which my husband will rely on even though he thinks he doesn’t need it. I will do all this because as the primary care-giver of our daughter and as the one who is leaving, that is the price of my 5 glorious days. Totally worth it.

I don’t waste time feeling guilty that I am gone. More, I don’t FEEL guilty that I will be gone. My family will survive. Truthfully, it’s a good opportunity for my husband to be the primary caregiver for our daughter and show her that marriage, career and family is an equal opportunity sport. Frankly speaking it’s a good opportunity for him to see all the things that I do despite his belief that these things just magically happen.

For his part he will be tired and probably a little overwhelmed since when I am home, we divide a lot of duties but I am the organizer and the one that remembers the details. I sympathize that remembering the details and doing all the work is not easy (I know this because I do it every fall when his coaching takes over our world) but caring for our daughter is not new territory to him, he will do fine. I’ll be honest, the list I leave helps him but it is really so he does it MY way. If I left no list I would come home to a perfectly safe, happy child. To any lay person it might look like Lord of the Flies up in my house but she’d be fine.

This is a work trip and it can’t be helped. Of course not every work trip is to Vegas but the point is the same: I have worked hard for my career for a long time. Through the years I have worked long hours and weekends and vacations for my career. I like what I do. I like to travel. There is nothing wrong with that.

No one ever accused a man of not fulfilling his duties at home or loving his family less for having a career or for travelling for that career. I doubt many have even been asked how his family manages with him away. I am no different than any other parent working for their family. So, I won’t defend my position and I won’t hear any commentary on my choices either. Working and travelling doesn’t make me less of a mom. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my family as much as anyone else. This career helps provide for my family. It will help put my daughter go to college and make her choices to be a career woman, a mom or both! It teaches my daughter she can be anything she wants to be and doesn’t need to be defined by archaic standards. More importantly it’s sending me to Vegas for 5 glorious days!

Of course there is another story, so here’s what the mom with a traveling husband has to say.

Meet Amy: East-Side Proud

By

Amy W.

-

May 11, 2016

I’m Amy, a reader, a beach-lover, a lawyer, a wife, a mom of two boys, and east side proud. I work mostly in Oakland and Wayne counties, and whenever someone learns where I’m from, you’d think I told them I was from Canada. But I love Macomb County, there’s a sense of reality and hard-work that makes us east-siders one of a kind!

I love Macomb County. I live 20 minutes from the house I grew up in, where my parents still live, and ten minutes from each of my sisters. I love that my kids are growing up seeing their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins at least five days a week. And I absolutely ADORE that I can drive ten minutes south of my house to stand in the middle of Nordstrom, or ten minutes north and stand in the middle of a farm.

One of my favorite places in the whole world is in Clinton Township. It is the Clinton Macomb Public Library and it is amazing. There are three branches throughout Clinton and Macomb Townships, but the main library is something to be seen. It is home to the Macomb County Library for the Blind, a small theater, great meeting rooms, and filled with areas to play, explore, study, research, read and write. Oh and of course, books! It is our third home (after Grandma’s house of course!) The free activities and benefits it provides to the community are unsurpassed. Even the online community resources will blow you away. I promise you, you will not be disappointed.

Another place I love is in northern Macomb County – the Wolcott Mill Metropark Farm Center. This used to be free, although it looks like it is going to require a Metropark Pass or admission fee this year. Even so – it is worth it. We visit the farm center just about every other week in the spring and summer. You get up close with animals, farmers and gardens. There are learning opportunities around every corner. Plus they have special events for just $5.00 throughout the year. My boys love the farm and we can’t leave without sitting on the old-fashioned tractors!

Finally, I absolutely cannot live without the Clinton Township Nino Salvaggio’s. It might sound crazy to love a specialty grocery store, but I do. Many people claim that Nino’s is too expensive. While it might be more costly for some staple-type groceries, their fruits, vegetables and meats are very price competitive and high quality. Plus…WINE! I could not survive without their gourmet-to-go pre-made foods. I usually get one or two dinners there each week; it saves me tons of cooking time and gives me more time with the kiddos. (Tip: try the fried zucchini! Mmmmm) Honestly though, the best thing about the Clinton Township Nino’s is the staff. They know their regulars by name and can always bring a smile to my face, even on a busy Sunday shopping trip with two toddlers in tow. They go above and beyond to help me find what I need, always answer my crazy questions, and encourage me to try new things. Like the reusable bags say: I Love My Nino’s!

Are you an east-sider? What are your top spots around town?

Detroit Mom

Our Walk From Foster Care To Adoption

I Fed My Baby Where You Peed

Helping Your Child To Proactively Deal With Bullies

In Their Own Words: A Kids’ Take on Parents who Travel for Work

I’m Not Crazy! I’m Just Parenting Little Kids

Sex after Kids: Netflix and ZzzZzzZzz

{Playdate Announcement} Make a Splash :: SafeSplash Playdate

FAQs

#dmbplaydate & #iamsafesplash are the hashtags!

Traveling Husband: when Mom stays home

Working Mom: Travel Required

Meet Amy: East-Side Proud

In + Around Detroit

Where to Find Hot Cocoa Bombs In + Around Detroit

12 Spots to Check Out for A Dry January Date

Where to Find Igloo Dining In + Around Detroit

Indoor Cold Weather Ideas for Kids In + Around Detroit

Make Blake Farms Your Winter Wonderland Destination!