I remember before my daughter was born I would be doing little things like folding laundry, daydreaming what it would be like holding little onesies instead of our clothes. I couldn’t help but imagine our living room floor cluttered with toys. I had all sorts of free time, but honestly, I was tired of free time!
 
Like many couples, my husband and I were experiencing the frustrations of infertility, a journey that felt painfully long, but in reality lasted around 5 years.
 
Fast forward to 2014, I should be doing laundry right now. I would be hard pressed to find a room in my house that isn’t cluttered with toys, and what was that free time thing again?! 
 
Loose translation, this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
 
I have the most amazing, funny, bright, energetic, lovable, and captivating little 2 year old creating havoc and lighting up my life every day.
 
Thank you, God for adoption.

thank you.

 
We started looking into adoption while we were still seeking infertility treatment, curious about what the process looked like and the timelines involved. I started reading books about it and we went to a seminar at Bethany Christian Services. When our predetermined last try at infertility treatment didn’t take and I wasn’t devastated about it, I knew why. My heart had already moved on. I wanted a baby through adoption.
 
The day after Christmas, 2011 we submitted our initial request for a formal application. There were months of completing paperwork, creating “the perfect” family profile book, and a series of 3 home studies.

We waited for the call about our home study approval. “She said 4 – 6 weeks” I thought at week 6, being completely impatient and worked up about nothing!

And then the phone call came while I was sitting at my desk at work.

“Hi Annie, are you sitting down?”
Yes
“Congratulations, your home study’s been approved…”
Hooray
“You’ve been matched …”
“And the birth mother is in labor…”
Oh!

I was shaking visibly, trying to scribble down the details she was giving me.
“We’ll need to know what you decide…quickly”

I called my husband and recited the same lines that had been delivered to me a few minutes ago. How could we say no, we decided. Did it really matter that our nursery at the time consisted of a glider and dresser?

We called our moms, and then I called the social worker with an emphatic YES!

 Just six hours later after taking care of some paperwork with the hospital social worker and adoption specialist we were able to see her for the very first time.

She looked so calm stretched out under the heat lamp in her bassinet. It was so surreal, feeling as though we were visitors but internally trying to recognize that we were here to meet the baby who would become our daughter. She was born at 35 weeks and was tiny; just under 5 lbs. There we were holding this beautiful newborn, cautiously falling in love, trying to do our best remembering that she wasn’t ours.

We stayed 5 days in the hospital with her before we were able to bring her home.

I think back how eager I was to take her home, breaking down in tears when the pediatrician said one more day. The stress, excitement, lack of sleep, and enormity of everything was starting to wear me down.

I felt so prepared to be this sweet baby’s mom. I joked with our pediatrician several weeks later at our following well baby visits that at every consecutive visit I felt less and less prepared!  He assured me this was a good sign of bonding!

Some things they can’t prepare you for in training and books. I wasn’t prepared for the awkward feeling of staying on a post-partum floor without having just given birth. Or the nagging insecurity buried deep down telling you that the reason she’s still crying is because she wants her mom. I was grateful that she was so easily soothed those first few days in the hospital, for her sake and for mine!

We met her wonderful, sweet, and shy birth mom and were able to spend some time getting to know one another.

There were so many little things that just fell into place. I think back in wonderment about it all. Too many to mention here, but these are some of my favorites.
 
Sending in our family profile book weeks before they needed it, because why not? (Because it made it to exactly where it was supposed to be, just in time)
 
Coincidentally, our daughter’s birth mom was in labor at the hospital where I work. (One of my favorite stories to tell is when a RN friend walked into the room we were in at the hospital to do a vitals check, she saw me and did a double take wondering why dietary had been requested. When she realized we were the adoptive parents she was in tears of joy.)

 
We went out and got the essentials on our way home from the hospital that night. (For two indecisive people who’d been dragging their feet, being forced to shop for baby supplies in Meijer at midnight was a blessing in disguise.)
 
We had family, friends, and neighbors who gave us a tremendous amount of support and baby essentials those first few weeks. We felt so blessed.
(Including my shocked neighbor who didn’t even know we were adopting when we called her from the hospital asking her to take out our dog. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for telling me that I needed to use your day care provider…ever.)
 
We met her birth mom and family and had a really nice connection at the hospital.
(Extra special was that someone from pastoral care just happened to come in during the short time we were visiting together and prayed for our families.)
 
 

We feel fortunate to have had such a smooth adoption process, as is not always the case, and for such a short wait, also something that’s not typical. I am amazed and impressed by families who wait years and years to meet their children and of the resilience and faith of families who experience adoption disruption.
 
At night I rock my daughter to sleep, hold her tight, and know confidently that things are exactly as they were meant to be.
 
So as my sweet little thing sleeps, and I’m taking care of little things around the house; I’m thankful. I’m thankful for my family, my friends, and for the little things.
 
Thank you, God for adoption.
 
 

About me: I am a full time working mom of one. My husband and I have been enjoying this crazy ride together for 11 years! We recently relocated from the Metro Detroit area to Grand Rapids to be closer to family. Our family’s favorite activities include singing at the dinner table, dancing in the living room, and taking walks to the neighborhood playgrounds.

Some people believe it’s a primal instinct for women to want to be pregnant. Not me. I never wanted to have kids. I mean, yes, I wanted to HAVE kids but I never felt the pregnancy urge and the thought of giving birth terrified me. Our plan was to have one and then adopt one. I tried for a few months to get pregnant and physically there were no issues, but I got impatient.

When we decided to switch our plan to adopt first, I remember the relief. We were going to build our family! And not only that, but we got to choose the sex of our child, I didn’t have to be pregnant, and I didn’t have to give birth.

Fine by me!

Maybe you’re considering adoption because your Fertility Road is a dead end, or maybe you just don’t have that “need” to have a biological child. However you got here is your business but I got asked to write a piece on adoption so as long as I’m here, I might as well  get “real deal” with you. I feel like I’m in a prime position to do so. I have one child that is adopted, but I also have one that isn’t.

First things first:

If you’re thinking about adoption, believe that any kid can be your kid. Most anyone who has made the decision to adopt probably already feels that way, but for some, adoption isn‘t a first choice. It‘s a last resort. I’m willing to bet, though, if you pull 100 families who have adopted, you will get very few who don’t feel that their kid is their kid. Sure, they may not have felt that way going in, or even when the kid was placed in their arms, but any kid you birth or adopt is going to feel foreign at first. I don’t care where they’re from or how they got to you. There’s a new person in your world and everything just changed, big time.

It is MORE than possible to connect with a child who is adopted. My older daughter is from China. Someone else made her and birthed her, but if they walked past each other, they’d never know it. She’s my kid. She may even be more my kid than the kid I birthed. She will say something totally random and I’ll say “I was totally going to say that!!” or we will walk into a room and both have an issue with the funky smell, or how I recently complained to one of my friends about how tough she is (because I am convinced that she is going to be THE DEATH of me) and he said “You know why she’s like that?…Because you are.”)

Super.

Do your research. Check out lots of countries, including your own. I knew I wanted China because right around the time we decided to start a family, I had been reading a book called The Lost Daughters of China and I was obsessed. (I tend to get obsessive about things.) I HAD TO adopt a kid from China. My husband still had me look into other places, just to make sure, but China was the right choice for us.

Consider visiting the child’s place of origin when the time is right. Not all parents (or kids) will be able to do this. In fact, not all parents or kids will want to do this, but if it’s possible (and affordable) to one day take your child back to where he came from, I have to believe it will be a meaningful trip— and even more meaningful if it’s with you. [Sidenote: If you adopt within your country, a trip to their city/state is still a good idea. You can’t be like “Oh! We’re in Florida and he’s from Alabama. Same country! Off the hook!”  NO. Sorry!

Don’t make your child someone she’s not. One of my best girlfriends adopted two amazing girls. We have very little background on either one of her girls because they were left (at different times) at a fire station. The older one has hair that definitely leans more towards the African American culture but my girlfriend is Caucasian and has no idea how to “do” her hair. So you know what she does? She takes her daughter to a salon that specializes in African American hair.

Don’t be scared to adopt because the kid you get might have issues. He will. That’s because all kids have issues. Some issues, admittedly, are worse than others, so make sure everyone involved knows going in what you are and aren’t willing to accept. No one is judging you and who cares if they are? You’re building your family your way. But once that kid is placed in your arms, you have to deal. You get what you get–same as it would be if you birthed the kid yourself. Plus, who’s to say that kid wouldn’t have issues? (No offense.)

Be open about the adoption from the very beginning. Talk about it. We refer to it a lot, we celebrate it and sometimes we even (GASP!!) joke around about it (but never in a hurtful way). I like that we openly discuss, as a family, what our daughter’s life was before we came into it. I also like that we discuss what happened while we were there and how we can’t wait to go back. If you make it some big secret, it’s going to be one big secret and who needs that?? Not me.

Don’t believe the hype. Forget the stereotypes. Your kid will be a product of you before you know it so if you’re adopting from Russia, that doesn’t ensure that your kid is going to be a professional hockey player. If you’re adopting from Japan, that doesn’t mean your daughter will automatically be obedient and/or have no sense of humor, and if you’re adopting from China, that doesn’t mean she will be good at math.

I know as an adoptive parent I’m not supposed to say that we “rescued” our kid. Actually, we rescued each other. We are the family we are because of my daughter, both of my daughters (and I love the family that we are). I will always strive to do more to connect her with her culture and heritage, but for the time being, she’s in a good place—and so are we…and yes, if it wasn’t us, she likely would have been matched up with a different family, but I think she did OK landing with us. If not, at least she’s not alone—her little sister got screwed too.

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