April is Cesarean Section Awareness Month, Danielle is sharing her perspective as a mom who has had two c-section births.
As most of us know, the Mommy Wars are a real thing, and start way before you even hold your bundle of joy in your arms. From how you conceive your child, to what you eat or drink during pregnancy, more than likely someone is judging you. Another way we judge each other is how we bring our children into the world. It seems that people don’t even try to understand why you birthed a certain way. They would rather call you out for being “wrong” than take the time to listen to your situation. It’s a sad fact, but unfortunately it is true.
Both of my daughters were born via a c-section. I was going to give a brief birth story for each of my daughters, explaining how we ended up with c-sections, but decided against it. The whole point of this post is about me coming to terms with having c-section, and perhaps trying to lessen the stigma of it. I am tired of hearing that a c-section isn’t a “real birth” or that it’s the “easy way out.” I have often felt the need to justify why my c-section occurred, or state whether it was planned or unplanned. As if having a c-section is something to be embarrassed about. Newsflash, it isn’t! While I don’t mind sharing either of my daughters’ birth stories, it should not be something that I have to do.
Although a c-section isn’t something to be embarrassed about, I was (and still am) disappointed about the need for two of them. I had a grand idea of how labor and delivery would go. I had a plan, and if you know me, when things don’t go according to “the plan” I can get a bit . . . stressed. One of the main things I was looking forward to was to hold my daughters immediately after they were born. I wanted to initiate skin-to-skin contact ASAP. With my c-sections that wasn’t a possibility. I was not the first person to hold my daughters, and I didn’t get to hold either of them until I was in the recovery room. To some that may seem like an insignificant thing to be upset about, but for me, that was one of the main reasons a c-section made me so emotional. I also felt like my body let me down, like I was a failure, for not being able to have them vaginally. Over a year a later I am still disappointed that I didn’t get the opportunity to have my baby placed on my chest, but I am learning ways to help me cope.
1. Things don’t always go according to plan.
Not going to lie, this one is tricky for me. I love my plans, and can get bent out of shape if things deviate from the plan. But, as the saying goes “Man plans, God laughs” and the same is true for birth. You can plan all you want, but things can change, and your plan goes out the window. It wasn’t anything you did wrong.
2. You still gave birth.
Babies can be born in all sorts of ways. Home births, hospitals births, in the water or via a c-section. While each one is different, they all get the same result. You bring your baby into the world.
3. Haters gonna hate.
There will always be someone who will disapprove of how you are doing things (aka Mommy Wars). There is always a person who pretty much thinks c-sections are unnecessary and will share with you all sorts of stats. Rather than engaging in an argument, simply change the subject, or better yet avoid the subject. I’m not saying this because you should be ashamed, but because no matter what you say, you probably won’t change their mind.
4. Your baby is what’s important.
In the end, your baby’s health and safety is what it boils down to. In the end, you became a mother.
