No, I Don’t Need a Daughter to Complete Our Family

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Oh wow, three boys! So are you going to try for a fourth to get a daughter?

Strangers make statements like this to me on a regular basis. It always makes me stop and ask myself why people assume this. Why do we need a daughter to complete our family? Aren’t our three boys enough? Are boys somehow less desirable than girls?

Well, the short answer is – no. I don’t need a daughter to feel like our family is complete.

I’m not saying that because I think one gender is better than the other. They are equal in my eyes. I just know that our family feels complete with the three kids we have, regardless of their gender. I’m sure those of you that have all daughters get asked the same thing. “Are you going to try for a son, so your husband can have his boy?”

Please don’t assume.

I think our society assumes that all women have this innate need to have a daughter {or men to have a son} to look and act just like them. Don’t get me wrong; I’m sure that would have been fun. If you knew me growing up, you would know that I was a stereotypical girly girl. I was a dancer, on the varsity pom-pon team, into fashion, and completely boy-obsessed. So, I always imagined I would have a daughter. However, when we were in the hospital getting our 20-week sonogram, hoping for a baby girl was honestly the last thing on my mind. I was just praying for a healthy and happy BABY.

Surprise! It’s two more BOYS!

If you know my history with pregnancy, you’ll know we’ve been through more than most to get where we are today. I could not be more blessed to have not one but three amazing sons.

I knew when I married my husband that there would be a good chance I would become a boy mom. On my husband’s side of the family, there is a long line of men having boys. My father-in-law had two boys, his brother also had two boys, and my brother-in-law has three boys. I’m telling you, these Marshall men must only carry the Y chromosome.  

Photo Credit: Kristin Greenwald Photography

Some may think I may be missing out on typical mommy and daughter outings like manicures, trips to the American Girl store, and picking out the perfect prom dress. I know I’ll never be the mother of the bride. And my husband will never walk his daughter down the aisle. However, I can assure you, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. I’ll be the loudest cheerleader on the sidelines at my son’s baseball games. I’ll take them on trips to LEGO store and help them pick out the perfect tuxedo for their wedding. And on their wedding day, I’ll beam with pride knowing that I taught them how to be the most loving and supportive husband {and father} one could ask for.

I love being a boy mom.

My days are filled with tripping over Matchbox cars, breaking up wrestling matches, searching for big sticks, laughing at poop jokes, and talking about sports. Being a mom of all boys has been more fun than I could’ve ever imagined. Who knew that I would be their favorite person on planet earth? My boys love me fiercely. I am their favorite cuddle partner, boo-boo kisser, hand holder, and tear-wiper. They look at me like the sun rises and sets in my eyes.  

Photo Credit: Kristin Greenwald Photography

I know there are some women {and men} out there who really do have a burning desire to have a specific gender child. And that is completely fine. But I know, without a doubt, my three sons are enough for me. I’m happy with the cards I’ve been dealt, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

On most days I feel like our family is complete. Just the five of us {well, six, including our fur baby}. But on those days when I dream of being pregnant again and holding another baby in my arms, I don’t picture a daughter. I picture a BABY.

If you have multiple children of the same gender, do you get the same comments?
Do you feel like you need one more child of the opposite gender to complete your family?

27 COMMENTS

  1. Yes, I, mom to 4 daughters, absolutely get this question ALL the time. When I was pregnant with our fourth, the most common question by far was, ” Are you hoping for a boy?” I can honestly say, I am happy with all girls though I was/am tomboy. My girls love playing dress-up and we are planning on paying for four weddings. Yikes! I am beyond blessed as are you. Best wishes!

    • I love that you can relate to these feelings! You are right – you are BEYOND blessed with the four girls you’ve been given. Thanks for your feedback.

    • If ppl bother you about it……just say it doesn’t matter, cuz ur raising it genderless.. say the child will determine its own gender ,,that will mess with them. 😁

  2. Yes! We have three boys: a 5-year-old and twin babies. The babies are just a few months old and people have already asked me some variation of that question. While I admit that I needed a little time to get used to the idea of three boys (not too long though), now I can’t imagine anything else.

    • Katie – I was in those exact same shoes. Older brother with a younger set of twin boys. I thought for sure one of my twins was a girl. But the minute we left the ultrasound I was excited that I had all boys just thinking of the special bond they will share. Plus I really do love being a boy mom.

    • Katie – I forgot to add…congrats on your twin babies! Enjoy the snuggles {x2}, time goes so fast. Thank you for sharing your feedback on my post. I really appreciate it.

  3. I can totally relate as a mother of 3 boys. I am always getting this question and though I always imagined having a girl, I could not be happier with my 3 beautiful boys! Loved your article!

  4. I COULDNT LOVE THIS ARTICLE MORE !!
    We actually had one girl and then a boy, and when we told people we were trying for a 3rd, they would always say “why” you have a boy and a girl. It DROVE ME CRAZY. Umm because i love being a mom… it’s not based on what genders my kids are.

    • Thank you Kate! I really appreciate it. I love your outlook – you’re right. I truly doesn’t matter what gender your kids are.

  5. Currently have 3 boys and expecting baby #4 (won’t know gender until birth) in August. People, especially strangers, have reduced my sons to tears on more than one occasion by asking the questions and implying that I, somehow, love my boys less because they weren’t girls. It’s incredubly frustrating as a mother to have to dry these tears explain to a 5yo and 3yo (the 18mo doesn’t really get it yet) that I wouldn’t change a thing about them. We’ve even felt the need to proactively announce that we are simply hoping for a baby to hold in August and that our family planning decisions after this birth will NOT be based upon our newborns privates. I know people don’t mean anything negative when they say these things but I can’t help but get upset seeing my boys question their value because of these kinds of remarks. Thank you for writing this piece!

    • Oh my goodness Tracy. That is absolutely awful that your boys have been reduced to tears based on these comments. That is one of my fears. Luckily mine are still somewhat oblivious to the comments so far, but I know that day is coming when they realize what people are saying. I agree with you that people don’t mean any harm, but as you know – it can cause harm to the children. No child should have to hear that and wonder if they are less desirable given their gender.
      Congrats on baby #4! Praying for a healthy & happy BABY for you 😉

  6. Even though I have two boys and one girl, this was well said! We only wanted whatever God thought we needed and for healthy pregnancies!! Whatever you end up with it’s all good! Keep on doing your mom thing!!! 😏🤗👍❤️

  7. Everybody ends up loving whatever gender children they have, because children are a miracle and a gift from God, and we are fortunate for any and all of them! If people ask you that question in the future, just understand that they are projecting their own feelings and desires into your life, which is a silly but common thing for strangers to do;) As a mother of 3 healthy kids, 1 boy and 2 girls, I can say that some people out there think they have the “perfect setup” and try to suggest that I “lucked out” by getting kids of each gender. Of course I love my setup exactly as it is, but no more or less than any other mommy out there!

    • Thank you for your comments Nicole. I completely agree that people don’t mean any harm by the question, and it’s likely because they would like a girl if they had all boys. I just don’t feel that way. Like you said, every child is a miracle and is perfect just they way they are.

  8. Thank you for this article! I have two boys with another boy due in May! I was a little disappointed at first because I really wanted a girl. I never had the mother/daughter relationship growing up as my mom passed when I was really young and was hoping that would help replace that.

    • I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your mother. My heart goes out to you. I can see how you yearn for that bond again. I hope that your special mother/son relationship with each of your boys will help you heal.

  9. Yes, I’m very used to the pitying looks and “God bless you, you poor thing”, I have 5 boys and would have given just about anything for just one girl. I’m definitely not a good boy mom. I hate loud noises, bugs, bad smells, dirt, sports and pretty much anything that boys love. It’s not easy being the sole female in a house full of boys. Guess who never gets to see a movie they enjoy or do anything they like with their family? Little boys is not so bad, but a house full of hormonal teen boys is probably about as close to hell as you can get as a suburban American woman!

    • Thank you for reading my post Molly. I’m sorry that you did not have a daughter. I know it’s not always easy being a boy mom, but I’m sure your boys love you fiercely.

    • Hi there! Follow the gorgeous @sonny_loves_charlie on Instagram. Mum of 5 boys who are teenagers now and her life is ahhhmazing!!!!!

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