A Letter to My Pre-Mommy Friends

Dear Friend,

Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

When I added kid number two to our lives, I knew it wouldn’t be a cake walk. Sure, motherhood is full of wonder, but it’s also full of long hard days. Even the simplest things (like taking a shower, or going to the bathroom) can be a challenge once you are in charge of another life. I understood that. I knew the family dynamic would change once we added kid #2.

Something I wasn’t planning it to take a toll on?

Our friendship.

With Annabelle, I feel I still did a pretty good job maintaining our friendship. We were able to visit with you at play dates, we FaceTimed with one another,  maybe we even went out for dinner (or drinks) sans kids. Sure it was tough for me at times (you can read about my struggles with postpartum depression), but I don’t think our friendship suffered. In fact it was our friendship that helped me in those dark days of parenting.

But then Autumn came, and things changed.

Like I said before I knew things would be different with two. I mean, you can’t add another member to family without changes occurring. We spent time preparing the house, and prepping Annabelle. I felt confident that we would transition to a family of four smoothly. And in all honesty for the most part we did.

But figuring out life with two was still challenging. Specifically trying to leave the house. With one, it was easy to work around the nap schedule, but with two things became tricky. Until she was about four months Autumn didn’t really have a “set” schedule, and would easily take a snooze in a carrier. Going out then was easy (well easier). Then four months hit, and the carrier wasn’t cutting it, so I had to be home (I’m a little bit anal/crazy insane/strict of a stickler when it comes to naps and sleep).  The fact that she refused a bottle didn’t help the situation.  All of this left me feeling trapped, and had a major affect maintaining friendships.

So, I wanted to say please, please, please, understand, it’s not that I don’t want to see you. I do want to see you. And it’s not just that I want to see you, I need to see you.  I crave our time together.  It keeps me out of the dark corners of my mind.  It helps me to see the joy in life. That time is precious to me. Not just that, I love hearing about your life. Being there for the ups is great, and I want to be able to support you in the downs. But the reality is, getting two kids out the door between naps is hard.  I love having you over, but I feel guilty that you are always making the trek to my place. It’s not fair to you. So then I don’t call, time passes much too quickly, and before I know it, it’s been months since we’ve talked. And I hate it.

But, do you know what I don’t hate? It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, when we get together we can just pick right up from where we left off.

I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for coming to my house all of the time. Thank you for putting up with my scatterbrain-ness when I don’t reply to texts or calls in a timely fashion (this is something I am working on).  Thank you for being there for me when I need it. Thank you for remaining my friend, when it seems like I am never there.  I value you and am forever thankful to call you a friend.

From the trenches of motherhood,




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