Hello,
My name is Tumkeen, and I am a stay-at-home mom. I have six kids ranging in age from one to 16 years old. Yes, I’m dealing with diapers and drama, rolling eyes and rolling strollers, sighs and cries all at the same time.
Raising a large family is definitely a balancing act. At times, I feel like I have my very own tribe under one roof, and at other times, I feel pulled in all directions. One thing is for sure: it never gets too quiet around here. And if it does, it means somewhere the kids are forging alliances to conspire against the superpowers: us!
Our marriage isn’t the typical boy-meets-girl-and-fall-in-love kind. Ours was a consensual arranged marriage. Basically it goes like some middle person will tell the guy’s side, “Hey, I know a girl. She’s this and this and is looking for such and such.” The guy gets to see a picture and learn the details. Then, if they like what they see and read (the guy and his parents), they propose to the girl’s parents and say, “We would like our son to marry your daughter.” The girl’s parents then show a picture of the guy to the girl and tell her his deets. If she likes, she’ll agree, and if she doesn’t, then they move along. Well, this girl’s guy liked and this girl agreed. And we married.
We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary last year. The beautiful craziness of our marriage is that we come from two different worlds, but we make it work (sometimes easily and sometimes not). The effort is always deliberate and consistent because in the end, we both know that though we are not perfect, we are perfect for each other.
The other thing we agreed on was that we would wait before having kids. We wanted to enjoy our husband and wife phase before we moved into the mom and dad roles. We also wanted to settle down and be secure.
As we journeyed on our path, we were presented with a business opportunity in Michigan. We took that leap, and a month later learned that we were expecting our first. Simultaneously, we enjoyed the first heartbeats and kicks, and the firsts of our business venture, together.
We could not have picked a more perfect city to raise a family and build a business in. Detroit and the surrounding areas are home to some of the most diverse communities. We love the culturally-rich communities of Hamtramck, the Middle Eastern flare of Dearborn, and the historical landmarks of metro Detroit. My husband and I love strolling down Riverfront on early summer mornings on our way to eating Kannafeh at Shatila Bakery. And when we’d rather be near home, we love visiting the local library or getting downtown vibes driving down Big Beaver on our way to the Somerset Collection, especially during the holiday season.
I can talk about my town, my family, and my marriage for hours, but when it comes down to “Who is Tumkeen?,” it takes a moment of pause and reflection before I can answer. I am confident and insecure and certain about my uncertainty most of the time (my prerogative as a woman). I am also someone who very recently suffered from debilitating postpartum anxiety. This past year has taught me something very important: I can no longer wait for the kids to grow up, schools to be done, baby to be potty trained, husband to get home, lose the weight, etc., etc., etc. I can no longer wait for the clouds to let up; instead, I have to learn to get behind the steering wheel and drive through the rain to find my rainbow. Enter DMB. I pushed past my writing insecurities and submitted a piece I was very hesitant about sharing. When DMB replied weeks later, I finally felt seen. Not for being a Mrs. So and So or somebody’s mom. It was me. So, who is this me? I am a writer, a baker, a goofball, and a news junkie who loves finding a great deal, planning a trip, or hosting a party.
I am also a Muslim woman who grew up in North America but decided in her college years to wear a face veil. It was a spiritual decision and one that I never regretted. This veil has liberated me in ways I never imagined, and it grounds me as a constant reminder of my devotion to my faith. It allows the world to judge me by my words and actions. It is a commitment I have made and one I hope to fulfill every day of my life.
My modest attire does not mean I shy away from any topics. Instead, we are constantly educating ourselves and our children to put thought ahead of action. We also try to nurture character, spiritual growth, and awareness as the physical growth takes place. Our favorite “parentisms” we love to use around here are “Knowledge is only beneficial if you apply it,” “Want for others what you would want for yourself,” and my fave: “Like gas, this too shall pass” (boy mom speaks boy language). I am a mom who talks to my children openly about everything and no topics are ever off the table. From religion to racism, puberty to politics, the kids know Mom will talk to them about anything over a plate of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies (it always makes those awkward conversations more pleasant).
Being visibly, practicing Muslim in America means we are constantly defending our faith and facing ignorance. We teach our children to be peaceful and to respond to hate with tolerant assertiveness. The freedom to practice our faith is not always easy but very sacred to us. We are grateful every day that we get to live in a city that makes that less challenging.
By being a contributor with Detroit Mom, I hope to share my adventures through motherhood and portray that at the heart of those unique experiences is the struggle and victory of every mom. We may look different or speak different languages, but we all struggle with bedtime routines and screen time. And deserve a Nobel Peace Prize after successfully potty training our kids.
