[Deep inhale] I never thought I would have a miscarriage story to share. I was in my early twenties–got pregnant the first month of “trying.” I didn’t know the heartache of getting a negative pregnancy test or experiencing a miscarriage. Well . . . now I do.
I learned I was pregnant on my birthday weekend. We planned to announce to our family at my birthday brunch and we told everyone that we were getting a special Christmas gift that year. Our baby would be born on December 21st.
On Good Friday, I walked into church with my mom. I purchased a memorial candle and told my mom that I was lighting it for my baby. I knew I wasn’t going to hold this baby–but prayed that my fears were just because of being a first-time mother. Mother’s Day weekend, I publicly announced to the world that we were going to be parents. I was thirteen weeks, we heard the heartbeat, we saw the baby, we were in the safe zone.
Hours after announcing, I started cramping and knew something wasn’t right. It was at that exact moment that my sister-in-law showed up at our house. I opened the door and told her to take me to the hospital.
When my husband arrived, we were wheeled back for the ultrasound. The ultrasound technician was quiet. I will never forget the words the doctor uttered: “I’m so sorry, the baby has no heartbeat.” I screamed, and my husband cried as we embraced in the hospital emergency room.
Numb. Disbelief. Our dream died.
Our little baby passed at 13 weeks. My doctor wanted to see if I could naturally pass the baby before scheduling a D&C. One night I woke up with the worst pain of my life, and over the course of an hour, I passed our little one. I felt like a failure as a woman. [Exhale]
I couldn’t talk about my miscarriage for the first couple of months, but then as I realized how common they are I started talking about it–saying out loud, “I am 1 in 4 women that have experienced a miscarriage.” It became therapeutic and the more I talked about it, the less alone I felt. It really is common. The terrible thing that happened to me, has happened to so many other women.
Miscarriage stories are considered taboo and aren’t talked about enough.
The experience is physically and emotionally draining. I needed to know at that time that it wasn’t just me that it happened to, that I wasn’t a failure, that it wasn’t my fault. That unfortunately I am not the only one in this “club.” While no words can truly alleviate the pain, understanding that there is support can help navigate through the journey.
After a miscarriage, it is crucial that you give yourself and your partner time to heal. Allow yourself to process the emotions. I started therapy that allowed me to simply share my feelings with someone. Self-care was prioritized, and I maintained a healthy lifestyle. I took part in activities that help manage anxiety, such as yoga or meditation.
Remaining pregnant after a miscarriage can be an emotional roller coaster.
It is normal to have those feelings of hope and excitement but also feel anxious and fearful. Remind yourself that every pregnancy is unique and that miscarriages are often due to factors beyond your control.
I was nervous until I held both my rainbow babies. I was worried that every cramp was the ending of our journey together. With the help of my husband, I learned to celebrate the milestones of the pregnancy. No matter how small, each ultrasound, flutter, or week was one step closer to holding our baby. I deserved to celebrate and be excited for each pregnancy.
Pregnancy after a miscarriage is a testament to your resilience and determination. Embrace the hope and belief that your baby is on the way. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Many couples go on to have successful pregnancies after experiencing a miscarriage. Ride out the storm and know that your rainbow is coming.