I Wish You Could Have Stayed a Little Longer, Baby

I wish you could have stayed a little longer, Baby.

The spark that was your life was celebrated with an enthusiasm your mom doesn’t often display. I’m really good at allowing the wait for the “other shoe to drop” place a shadow over my inner peace and present joy. But not with you; for some divine reason you were different.

You were a welcomed surprise, not at all the timing we had just recently discussed. How does that saying go? Make plans and God laughs.  You were certainly a delightful chuckle. With your December due-date, only one month after your cousin-on-the-way, things were going to work out perfectly.

I prayed to God and spoke to you, “Stay with me Baby. Stay a little longer, please?” An early ultrasound on a Tuesday revealed your strong flickering heartbeat. Some white flower petals fell in front of me on my walk in, it reminded me of snow. The ultrasound tech’s name was Noelle.  I guess December came early this year.

I wish you could have stayed a little longer, Baby.

You left on Friday, right before we shared your light with our amazing family. I envisioned that Mother’s Day gift opening so many times in my head; the joyous tears from my mother-in-law at the sight of a November and December Christmas ornament in honor of both her 2016 grandbabies. It’s hard to believe it didn’t happen because I can see it so clearly.

We said our goodbyes under the magnolia tree in our backyard while your big sister slept upstairs that Sunday night. I wish you could have stayed a little longer, Baby. The spot where we placed a beautiful garden stone has the most captivating view of the pink and white blooms each spring. 

I wish you could have stayed a little longer, Baby.

We hadn’t even met you and loved you with reckless abandon. I’m not angry at God and I’m trying hard not to blame myself, but I am sad and I do miss you.

I wish you could have stayed a little longer, Baby.

You could have sat on my lap and I would have told you about Jesus. Until we can hold each other again someday I hope you’ll sit on His lap so he can tell you about me, your Momma.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11