Home Blog Page 214

Supporting Pregnant Friends after a Loss

One of my close friends just gave birth to her second child; a beautiful baby girl. Another one of my close friends is almost five months pregnant. There are countless people around me who have given birth over the last several months. Every time I’m on social media I see another pregnancy announcement. And another gender reveal. And to be honest? It still stings a little. 

Wait, why does it sting?

It’s been nearly a year since we found out we were pregnant with our third baby. And four months since our baby was supposed to be born. We lost our baby in July of 2015 and here I am on the other side of it still hurting and  mourning our loss.

BD3 Reveal

One of the hardest things I’ve had to overcome has truly been to see past my own grief in order to be happy for my friends and family who are expecting and having babies. And I am so, so happy for them. I love that they are expanding their family and giving me more little people to love on and spoil.

However, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard. It’s extremely difficult. I continually think, “Why do they get to keep their babies, but I didn’t?”. I’m sure one day I will stop asking this question, but for now, it continues to haunt my thoughts and damper my joy for others.

Supporting your pregnant friends after you’ve suffered a loss is trying on your heart and on your spirit. It will test you in ways you could’ve never imagined. You will feel jealousy, anger and happiness all at once. Of course you’re not angry with your friends, but angry over your own loss and situation.

It’s just like when people say you don’t know what it’s like having children until you’re in the midst of changing poopy diapers and up all hours of the night. You don’t fully understand the depths of this pain until you have lost a baby or a child.

Keeping these mixed emotions to yourself is not easy. At least not for me. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, so I have a hard time keeping my hardships and trials to myself. There have been some times where I’ve expressed to a friend that I’m just having a really hard day and can’t bear to hear about your bouts of morning sickness. While their complaints are valid and absolutely justified (I know – I’ve been there!), it’s just not always easy to hear it. I wish that I could be complaining about the same ailments.

First, ask your friends to give you grace.
I am sure you are beyond thrilled for their growing bellies. This is a tough situation to be in for both of you. It can be awkward and weird regardless of how close of friends you are. You don’t want to discount her excitement and she doesn’t want to dismiss your sadness. Giving each other grace in these moments will allow you both to get through some awkward conversations.

Secondly, don’t be afraid to voice your pain.
I am very open with my close friends about the emotional roller coaster ride I’ve been on these last 11 months. One day I’m fine. The very next day I am crying all day for what seems like no apparent reason, but I want my baby still. I yearn for that fuzzy newborn head to squirm around on my chest. Allow them to comfort you and mourn with you. They will. They will wrap you in love and kind words and hugs. You will get through this together.

And lastly, don’t shut yourself away from them.

Sarah's Sprinkle
Last fall, just a few months after my miscarriage, I hosted a baby sprinkle for a close family member. Easily, it was one of the toughest things for me to do. I was still raw and hurting. However, the loving part of me wanted to push my grief aside for just a moment to celebrate this new life. And isn’t that the hardest part? Pushing our own hurt away even just momentarily to celebrate someone else’s blessings? When it was all said it done I realized it was a part of my healing. Recognizing that your pregnant friends are not your enemy, they are not the ones who did this and they still deserve your love and excitement as they share in your grief and sadness.

Baby Elli and me

These things are much easier said than done. I am almost a year post-loss and have to actively work every single day to not pull away from my pregnant friends. I remember to love on them and not always cringe when they talk about their aching back or swollen feet. Am I envious sometimes? Yes. But even through it I am learning to love ] growing bellies as they will love mine again one day.

NICU Wisdom: Lessons I Never Asked For

I often comment that our son’s sudden and unexpected arrival at 32 weeks, and our subsequent time in the NICU, was our first lesson in parenting. Nothing ever goes as planned.

hospital-840135_640

That’s a tough lesson for a perfectionist mama like me. My water broke on the eve of my baby shower. Twenty hours later, I gave birth to our son two months early, at 4 lbs. 11 oz.

Confronted with the anxiety and stress of a premature infant, I learned that in life difficult things happen. You can’t worry them away and you can’t always be prepared.

Thankfully, despite his premature arrival, our son was born healthy. Our NICU stay was focused on giving him time to develop in a safe and monitored setting while learning how to best care for such a little guy. It was an intense time filled with worry and anxiety, but also an opportunity to connect with our son and learn what he needed most from us.

Even knowing that big picture our son was okay and would be okay despite his impatient arrival, it did not shield me from experiencing emotions ranging from stress, anxiety, sadness, anger and guilt.

I sincerely hope no one reading this spends time in the NICU, but if it does become a part of your parenting journey, I hope these lessons provide some small amount of reassurance.

When confronted with a NICU stay, you lose the opportunity to take your child home as planned. It’s painful to go home without your baby. There’s just no way around that. Walking into my house after being discharged from the hospital and seeing our empty bassinet was raw and painful. No amount of reassurance that my son was being cared for and where he needed to be made me feel better in that moment. I wanted him home with me. Now.

Reflection on this difficult time helps me recognize lessons amongst the pain.

I learned to be patient and use the resources available to us from the NICU team. NICU nurses are warriors. Yes, warriors! They are fierce allies during an uncertain time. They know how to care for you and your baby. I am forever grateful for the warrior nurses who were constantly by our side. They knew the ins and outs of caring for a preemie, and we learned from their wisdom. Although it wasn’t an education I would have asked for, my husband and I were experts of our son in ways we never could have mastered as new parents by the time we arrived home.

I learned to be patient and accept help. Despite my son’s arrival in September, I hardly noticed the leaves changing color. My life existed inside the walls of the NICU. I left only to pump, run down to Papa Joe’s at the hospital, and occasionally sleep and shower (dry shampoo was my friend). I stepped out of my life and its responsibilities the moment our son arrived. I had no choice but to accept help. The best help was not the help offered but the things people just did. My mom showed up and cleaned and grocery shopped. A friend left a cooler of food on our doorstep, including pre-made dinners and individually wrapped sandwiches we could take on the go. Friends collected the baby shower gifts and delivered them to the house. Our friends and family were a step ahead of us, anticipating our needs. They provided help I did not even know I needed during that time.

I learned to focus on the things in my control. Faced with uncertainty and worry, I did not know what to do. My immediate relationship with my infant son looked different than what I had anticipated. I could not immediately breast feed or hold him. He needed time to develop and grow. But I could pump and provide milk. So I pumped. And pumped. And pumped. I pumped so much we had an extra freezer delivered to store milk in our garage! I dedicated myself to what I could do, and I learned to do what I could in whatever way my son needed.

123

Looking back now as I parent our active four-year-old boy, I hardly see the tiny baby he was. Yet the lessons learned in the NICU stay with me.

Although I never asked for them, nor would I have chosen to learn these lessons the way we did, I realize the NICU instilled valuable wisdom in me that I will carry with me as I parent through the years to come.

 

Mom Life…Just like College

IMG_5565

It was during my morning {okay, 3pm} shower on Saturday, when I was abruptly interrupted by our 5-year-old crashing through the bathroom door, to get who-knows-what for who-knows-why and while the door was open I heard my 9-month daughter screaming at the top of her lungs – that I realized…this is so much like college.  No, seriously…think about it:

  1. Up All Night – When you have a baby, you’re up all night just like you were in college! Granted, this time you’re changing a poopy diaper and nursing/feeding. The last time you saw this hour of the morning/night was when you were coming home from your favorite bar, probably carrying a half-eaten slice of pizza as you lose the contents of your purse.
  2. Standing While Eating – There weren’t many times in college I took the time to sit down for a meal. If I was sitting down, it was because I was studying at the library or eating during class. It’s kind of like that now with a baby, if I’m sitting down it’s because my kid’s on my lap or I’m paying bills at my computer. These days I’m always eating on the fly, my food is rarely warm…and macaroni and cheese has become a staple {again}.
  3. Shower, eh…I’ll get around to it – and if you do get around to it, it’s interrupted by your roommates busting in and out for something…anything…and it can’t wait. It’s not much different with your roommates, aka – your little ones, now is it? Sometimes it’s easier to throw your hair in a messy bun and wait for everyone to hit the hay.
  4. Yoga Pants. – This one doesn’t need an explanation. Life is lived in yoga pants and sweat pants because life is more comfortable that way. In college and out, and especially with kids. Company coming over? Better put on your good pair of yoga pants!
  5. Laundry & Dishes – The last two things that always seem to get done in college and with babies! Now the amount of each has increased, and the time you have to do them has decreased. At least in college you had like 3 or 4 other people that could help you out with the dishes, now it’s either you or the mister (or mrs.)!

image2

Although we seem to be up in the middle of the night, and meal time and showering isn’t as relaxing and there’s always something to clean – it sure is special knowing that you’re going through it all for the most rewarding little joys on the planet – your children.

If any part of my life is going to resemble another, I want it to be my two favorite times: college and kids! I had the best time, at different times, with both
…and wouldn’t change a thing about either. 

Someone Has To Handle The Vomit

vomit
By now you’ve seen it. The photo of an adorable, vomit covered toddler (named Declan) in a car seat and Dad’s one-sided text conversation accompanying it. In no time at all, the post went viral. Dad tried desperately to get ahold of Mom who is out and not answering his calls or texts. He is a self-proclaimed “sympathetic vomiter” and after throwing up on a stranger’s lawn, ends up having to explain the whole nightmarish situation to the police. The story is funny and unfortunate, very relatable and just goes to show how challenging parenting can be. 
 
The comments on the other hand are the real treat. Aside from the many, many vomit stories people are sharing, there are men and women who are entertained and empathetic… and some that are down right cruel. 
  • People are accusing the father of being childish, weak and far removed from the realities of child rearing. 
  • Some are offended that he is trying so hard to get ahold of his wife whom they feel deserves a night out.
  • Others feel that he has no business having children at all if he is bothered by anything gross.
  • Commenters are mad at other commenters for not taking his sympathetic vomiting seriously enough. 
  • Completely out of left field, some question the validity of the story at all because of Wi-Fi icons showing on the screen shots that suggest he couldn’t possibly be away from home! 

The Internet commenting world was in a frenzy over this story! I personally find the situation harmless, pretty darn funny and I’m not at all concerned for Mom, who obviously wasn’t bullied into saving the day since she never did answer Dad’s cries for help. I mostly find myself wondering what my own husband would do in the same situation.

My vomit story: I have had the pleasure of experiencing two car-vomit situations so far, both with my older son and both requiring major clean up, clothing changes and driving with the windows down for a long while. It was not fun, but my main goal was staying calm and not making my sick little guy feel even worse about the situation.
 
My husband: while no stranger to blown-out diapers, epic booger events and head to toe food and grime clean-ups, has almost no experience with vomit. During a recent stomach bug, he held a bowl for our three year old to throw up in, all the while yelling at him in a panicked voice to tip his head forward. My son, who had been handling his sickness like a pro, dissolved into tears and I had to intervene. It was a challenge for my husband to remain quiet and supportive during a vomit episode in our living room. I’m not sure a calm head would prevail if my Hubs found himself alongside the road with our son covered in puke. That doesn’t mean he’s unprepared and ill equipped to be a father though. Being squeamish about this one area doesn’t make him less of a parent.
 
We all have our weak areas. I tend to worry incessantly over coughs, colds, and fevers while my husband shrugs off mild illness and waits for it to pass. I panic over bumped heads and minor falls while he saves his panic for when our kid decides to take a flight of stairs head first.
 
It helps to have someone by our side to balance it all out and once in awhile you’ve got to handle the messy business of parenting on your own. Maybe Declan’s dad does better with blood, poop or snot. Let’s hope anyway, cause that guy certainly cannot handle vomit.
 
Who has the stronger stomach in your household?

Bye Bye Baby Weight {Part 2}

A few months ago, I shared the start of my Bye Bye Baby Weight journey, and I have come to terms with the annoying fact that losing the weight is not as easy as it was to gain it.

IMG_4024

I started to really focus my weight loss goals in April. By mid-May, I’d lost an additional 7 pounds, but have definitely struggled to continue to stay motivated.  So, this post is not just going to be about my great weight loss achievements, but a list of ways in which I continue to motivate myself when it seems like I will forever have this “mom bod”:

  1. Joining a weight loss program was key. For a very reasonable price, I was a 6 week challenger through a local fitness program. The trainers were incredible and the workouts were some of the hardest I’ve ever done. I wavered in how consistent I was – life happened.  We were moving into a new home, work, kids, etc. But it did really help to jump start my weight loss, and remind me that I have the ability to be so strong. Each week the workouts seemed a little less hard (notice I didn’t say easier) and the network it created of fellow weight loss challengers was amazing.
  2. When I felt like the number on the scale was still higher than I wanted, I looked at a record of my previous weights. I have an amazing App through my OB’s office that shows all my medical statistics throughout my pregnancy. I was able to look not only at my weight when I was very pregnant, but I could see what my weight was when I became pregnant. This allowed me to celebrate the little goals of pounds lost over the course of time on the road to my big weight loss goal. 
  3. Walking. This was the key to me feeling better and staying sane. My husband and I made a strict evening date with each other every night. This allowed us to decompress from work, talk to each other with minimal distractions (there was some interruption from one of my little talkers in the stroller), and get some much needed exercise.
  4. Water, water, water. There is a direct correlation between the days that I snack less and drink more water, than those days that I barely drink any water and snack frequently. Water fills you up and if you are full, you are less likely to snack. Plus, the glow all that extra water brings to your skin is just an added bonus!
  5. Look at that before picture and measurements. It is not just about the number on the scale! I repeat, it is not just about the number on the scale! When I started to feel real muscle in my arms, I felt amazing! Taking a glance at that before picture really helps me see my progression.
  6. Cutting my portions down. If you are anything like me, you can’t seem to give up your sweets cold turkey. I tried, it didn’t go well. I found that if I’m not giving up the things I enjoy eating, but simply controlling the portions in which I am eating them, I am a much happier, losing weight person. Weight Watchers has had some great recipes and helps me really understand the right size portion for ideal health.  

My journey is one that will be a life style change – I don’t just want to lose the baby weight (and then some) but I want to feel like I can maintain a healthy life for me and my family. 

I’ll continue to provide more updates. In the meantime, share what has {or hasn’t} worked for you!

10 Ways My College Roommates Prepared Me for Marriage + Babies

College Roommate

Similar to new mothers, high school graduates receive A LOT of advice.  Most of this advice is unwarranted and full of age-old cliches (Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life, anyone?).  Reflecting back, the best advice I received upon venturing off to college was from my mother (go figure!).  She advised me on the importance of living in a dorm with other girls for at least my first year away at school.  I wasn’t necessarily thrilled about this idea.  Being the oldest of three kids, I was pretty used to things being my way or the highway.  However, per usual, mother knew best.  She knew that I was in need of a reality check.  I needed to learn how to live with others, in an environment where I wasn’t always  going to be “the boss.”

I only lived with roommates during my first year at school.  To be honest, that’s all my Type A personality could handle without having a total mental breakdown.  However, now that I look back on that year, it was crucial to my development as a functioning adult.  I may have earned a fancy degree in my four years at college, but the experience of dorm-living was far more valuable than my diploma ever will be.

Moms with kids heading off to college, my advice is to encourage them to live with others!  Chances are their school isn’t going to offer a Marriage and Babies 101 course.  This is as good as it gets!

Here are the 10 ways my college roommates prepared me for marriage and babies…

  1. Bye Bye Personal Space – It’s no secret that moms rarely get to use the bathroom alone.  By the time I became a mom, I was a pro at sharing my precious bathroom time.  Have you ever shared a bathroom with three women?  They’re worse than toddlers when it comes to respecting your privacy.  Take it from me.
  2. Making Compromises – I may have cringed at the vintage records that were plastered on our dorm room walls, but I’m sure my roommates were equally as thrilled about my collection of Audrey Hepburn posters.  Compromise is a learned art form.  Silly as it sounds, this prepared me for making compromises with my husband today.
  3. Temper Tantrums – Think your threenager is bad?  Ever try reasoning with a 19-year-old, tantrum-throwing girl?  Enough said.
  4. Making Fun out of Frugality – Pinching pennies is always more fun when you have a friend to do it with.  I discovered my love for thrift shopping and couponing during that first year of college.  Together, my roommates and I realized that there are more ways to save money than by sticking to a ramen-only diet.
  5. Dealing with Death – One of my roommates lost a close family member that year.  At only 18, I was fortunate enough to not experience a loss of my own yet.  Being witness to her strength throughout that time prepared me for dealing with difficult times in my own family.  
  6. Difficult Conversations – Put 4 young women from different backgrounds together and boy, oh boy will you have a recipe for conflict.  As uncomfortable as it may have been at the time, I’m grateful for the arguments which led to difficult conversations.  They taught me how to be a good listener and communicator with my husband and kids.
  7. Caring for the Sick – Although it may be little things, like running to Walgreens to pick up Tylenol for a roommate, living with others prepares you for taking care of other people.  Learning to take on these small selfless acts taught me how to put others before myself – something that every mother does on a day-to-day basis.
  8. Sharing Cultures and Recipes – By far one of the coolest things about living with roommates is learning about their experiences and backgrounds.  As different as we all were, my roommates and I all enjoyed cooking and sharing our family recipes with each other.  Without those girls, I wouldn’t even know how to cook (or pronounce!) quinoa.  My family thanks them for that!
  9. Creating Adventures – Being poor college students, my roommates and I learned to turn the simplest of events into adventures.  This is a trait that never left me and I’d like to think that I’m a better mother for it.  I can pretty much make anything fun, just ask my two-year-old who accompanied me on a grocery store scavenger hunt yesterday!
  10. Learning to Hug it Out – There seemed to always be conflict in that dorm; whether it was about someone coming home too late or one of us eating the last of the Oreos.  I learned that if you want to skip that difficult conversation (see #6) altogether, hugging it out usually solved everything.  A hug is beautiful thing!

What life lessons did your college roommates teach you?  

A Social Media Mom Saved My Sanity

desk-1082044_960_720

I am obsessed with Social Media Moms. The mommy-blogging industry has exploded in the past decade, drawing the attention of women all across the nation. And it’s not just Mommy Bloggers gaining this attention but any Social Media Mom sharing her stories on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter too.

Why do we love these Social Media Moms so much?  Is it because we’re getting a sneak peek into a life we wish we were leading as a parent?  Do we love the raw honesty about the hardships of these moms?  Do we just love the act of comparing our own lives with that of another?  

Whether you are looking for parenting tips, wholehearted honesty, a hilarious anecdote, or a role model, it is pretty easy to find a Social Media Mom or Mommy Blogger who fits the bill. These women are creating a whole new support group for moms today. Motherhood can feel isolating. When there doesn’t seem to be support in close-proximity, there is always someone to turn to online.

A perfect example: When my son was 6 weeks old we were in the thick of some pretty awful evening screaming fits. I hate labeling him as a colicky baby but there were a few ROUGH weeks when he was overstimulated from the day and would scream non-stop for hours before finally falling asleep.  My husband and I were exhausted and emotionally maxed-out. As I took a “mental break” (note: hiding in the bathroom with the faucets running full blast) to mindlessly thumb through my Instagram, I came across a post from another new mom. She and her husband were struggling with the same thing. As I read through her blog I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It gave me the renewed energy to keep my head in the game. This mom provided me with some great insight at the exact moment I needed it, yet we’ve never met and probably never will. At the time, she became a part of my mommy-tribe.

In the age where “Mommy Wars” seem to be raging, it’s brave of any mother to be posting or blogging about her parenting choices. Moms today are faced with so much judgment for the decisions they make on a daily basis. I cringe when I see these moms posting “disclaimers” on their Instagram pictures in an attempt to head off any negativity from other mothers. A decision about whether or not to breastfeed, use disposable diapers, or allow kids to use iPads should not dictate the quality or competency of a mother. Yet many of these internet moms face constant criticism in their comment feed. The way I see it, these honest moms are affirming that there are so many ways to parent our children.

Social Media Moms and Mommy Bloggers represent a wide range of parenting personalities:

  • Working moms document how they are balancing a full-time career and motherhood.
  • Pinterest moms are perfecting the art of cooking, crafting, and sewing with their kids.
  • Athletic moms are getting in cross fit workouts in the a.m. and then jogging to the library for story hour with their little one. 

Some moms share intimate details and deep reflections of their struggles, doubts, and frustrations  And then there are moms like me, allowing everyone a front row view to the hot mess that comes along with raising kiddos.  This world is full of multi-talented mommas sharing authentic stories of motherhood! Social Media Moms, you rock!

Mommy bloggers have become a valuable parenting resource. A resource that I am thankful was available when I needed some immediate encouragement and advice. Social Media Moms have reached out to moms everywhere, helping them feel supported in their parenting endeavors.

 

 

Parenting on the Spectrum

Parenting on the Spectrum

Everyone said he just needed more social interaction. I had him in weekly playgroups, I scheduled play dates, I babysat for neighbor kids. How much more social interaction can you get? I even enrolled him in 3 yr old preschool which, since I am a former teacher, I hadn’t planned to do.

I began to believe it, too. I believed that because he was a single child he hadn’t learned naturally about social constructs. I wanted to believe it because then it wouldn’t mean something else. Then it wouldn’t mean Aspergers or whats now grouped under the label Autism Spectrum Disorder. But I knew.

In my mommy gut I knew that when this tiny human came into the world nearly a month early and sideways that he would forever do things in his own special way and on his own terms.

100_0090

My sweet boy recently entered the “double-digits”, as he calls it, and it hit me hard. As I took a look back at how far we’ve both come I experienced ALL the emotions I’ve ever felt as a mother.

13227023_10209867983559041_5988041480972785867_n

As an infant I felt he wasn’t a typical baby. I read all the books, he didn’t fit. I wore a path from home to the pediatricians office and back and was told I have a “hyper-sensitive” baby. Tell me something I didn’t know! Like how to calm his relentless crying, or get him to sleep, or soothe his fears of everything.

Friends and family had loads of advice. I was told repeatedly to “just make him” do whatever it was that caused his anxiety. “He’ll get over it if he doesn’t have a choice,” they’d say. I was made to feel like it was all my fault. As if I’d coddled him too much.

They just didn’t get it. They weren’t the ones calming his irrational fears into the wee hours. Where were they as we sang the same song over and over in order to drown out the loud fireworks that made his entire body shake with terror? Rain, dirt on his hands, wind, the sheer horror of public restrooms and their sonic boom flushes and hand dryers, the daily struggle with socks and shoes, the 30 minutes of bouncing required at every single bedtime, the rush to get home before dark because the passing street lights were too much stimulation. I made all these things his reality by coddling him too much? No. No, I did not. However, I felt I’d failed him somehow because they said I had.

I no longer feel that way. In time I learned to follow HIS cues. In time we created a good system. I wrote everything down. It felt like assembling pieces to a puzzle that I’d lost the box for.

Matthews 1st proffessional haircut 003

There were so many ways my boy was not the average boy.

  • He never climbed or jumped off the furniture (not that I minded).
  • He was, and is still, overly cautious.
  • He takes little risks but LOVES to create experiments – mostly in the bathroom, with all the soap, and all the toothpaste, and water. So much water.
  • He’s never confrontational but requires details.
    • When he’s asked to do something he wants to know why, a challenge in school for sure, where he’s expected to follow blindly.
    • At home we explain our expectations and he’s better able to carry out the request, especially when breaking our normal routine.

I’ll admit there have been times I wanted to shout BECAUSE I SAID SO! (Okay well, I may have actually done that a few times with terribly sad results.) He flinches at loud voices. It breaks my heart when I know I’ve caused that flinch.  

Everything in our lives is regimented. Scheduled. Routine. A 15 minute deviation in the bedtime routine will most assuredly result in a 2 am wake up call. We probably average 3 wake up nights per week. It’s rough on us all. As he gets older some things have gotten easier, or at least more manageable. I volunteer for every class party, every event or situation that may trigger him so I can hopefully help to diffuse it or take him out if it’s all too much.

We have a delicate balance. I push when I feel he’s ready and I back off when he’s had enough. I will always advocate for my child and I will always worry about how the world will treat him. He doesn’t always understand innuendo or figures of speech. He takes everything literally and straight to heart. It’s something we’re currently working on. But he loves. He loves deeply and completely. So if he’s let you know he loves you, you’d better believe it!

Valentine Cookie

Motherhood is hard. We do our best when we listen to what our children need instead of what others may think they need.

Are you Parenting on the Spectrum?

Confessions of a Formula Feeding Mama

Here at DMB, we support each mother’s infant feeding choice, be it formula, breast, bottle or any combination thereof. The following is a personal account from our contributor, Meredith, about why she is pro-formula for her  family.

View More: http://ericacrosby.pass.us/baby-h

I feel guilty about NOT feeling guilty about breastfeeding.  There.  I said it!  

I know I should feel this internal need to nurse.  But I didn’t feel that way throughout either of my pregnancies or after. I know what you must be thinking, and I  am hearing the collective gasp across the internet, but I’m just being honest.

It’s not like I didn’t try to breastfeed my kids.  I know it’s supposed to be the most ‘natural’ thing and ‘best’ for bonding (I’m using quotes, because, although for many it is true…..not for me).  Breastfeeding, or at least my attempt to do so seemed like the most unnatural and horribly frustrating thing that was taking away from what should have been a joyous and special time. 

I was told by several well-meaning lactation consultants I had ‘flat nipples.’  And, I also had a very low supply.  So, it was going to be challenging.  But, if I consulted with them twice a week (at $100 per consult), take all of these natural supplements (that were NOT recommended by my pediatrician or pharmacist), do not THINK about giving your SCREAMING infant formula (how dare I try to poison my child) AAANNNDDD  pump every three hours (by the end of the day I ended up with maybe one ounce of ‘liquid gold’). I might have a chance of having a baby that is somewhat fed, and seems to hate me, because he is ALWAYS hungry.  Oh joy.

That sounded like an awesome way to spend the first few weeks with both of my little boys.  Them screaming, me crying and my poor husband questioning how this was better for me and the baby.

Many of my friends and family tried to ‘kindly’ point out that I was not trying very hard.  If I really wanted what was best for my babies, I would do the work and eventually it would happen.  I refused to let other people tell me that I was not trying hard enough.  My kids, my choice.  For our family, formula feeding was wonderful.  I knew that my babies were nourished.  I knew that they were happy and fed.  I was able to bond with them while feeding, instead of hating every moment of ‘meal time’.  My husband was able to take part of that bonding too!  

As the weeks and months went by, I never looked back.  Both Charlie and Henry are now thriving.  Other then the horns and tails they are growing, they seem to be totally normal.

My point is, while some people have strong opinions about how horrible formula feeding is, they have never been in my shoes.  Millions of babies are formula fed (myself  included) and have lived to tell about it.  I dare those mamas to tell me EXACTLY how your children are better, smarter or healthier then my children.  I bet if we lined up our formula feeding babies and breastfeeding babies, no one would be able to tell the difference.  They would just see a bunch of beautiful and healthy babies. That is our end goal, right?

While I think breastfeeding is wonderful for many families, I get so frustrated that society has put so much pressure on moms who are having problems with it.  THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FORMULA.  In fact, formula ROCKS MY WORLD.  It was the answer to keeping our family sane, happy and healthy.  And, I will choose that over stressing about my ‘flat nipples’ any day.

Did you have a similar experience?

 

 

 

A Mom’s Guide to Buying School Supplies

As my oldest is about to start kindergarten, my mind is constantly racing with different emotions: apprehension, excitement, pride, you get it. I put the final touches on his homework station, we are finishing up his 1,000 books before Kindergarten challenge (20 left!), buying new school clothes, the works. I was generally feeling like a great mom.

Then last week, my neighbor mentioned the School Supply List was posted on the school website. What? Turns out I am expected to purchase the supplies BEFORE school starts and bring them to the classroom BEFORE I meet his teacher at curriculum which is BEFORE Labor Day. Who Knew?

So I spoke with many moms I know to create this handy list of tips for you (and me.)

Know your Stores. It seems like the best and easiest places to purchase supplies are Target, Walmart, Meijer and the Dollar Tree. So pick a few of those places and start your research.

Don’t assume Dollar Tree is cheapest. Check the website to see what supplies they carry, then see if they are cheaper elsewhere, especially with sales. Some big box stores will take a loss on items to lure you in to buy other things. Why else would Meijer sell plastic pencil boxes for $0.97? (as of the time I wrote this anyway…)

Sales. Sales. Sales. Obviously of these stores run various sales promotions. Here’s the ad lengths/run times, etc:

  • Target sale prices are valid Sunday through Saturday of the current week.
  • Walmart weekly sale prices run Sunday through Saturday, but they often have additional ads that run for longer.
  • Meijer weekly ads run Sunday through Saturday, the also have two day sales and weekly ads especially for back to school.
  • Dollar Tree ads run for three weeks, Sunday through the Saturday 21 days later (example July 17-August 6.)

Store Savings Cards. When you decide where you are going to buy your supplies, don’t forget to check the store-specific savings program to get even more savings or incentives. Target’s Cartwheel, Meijer M-Perks and the The WalMart Savings Catcher program can all help you save.

Share Info. Ifglue you see a great price on a supply, let other moms know! I never would have known about the crayon situation below if not for a mom friend!

Bigger Is Sometimes Better. As of the time I write this, a 16-pack of Crayola Crayons at Target is $4.39. A 24 count Crayola Crayons (eight more!) is on sale for $1.37. The same 24 count Crayola Crayons are $0.50 a box at Meijer. Seriously. 

Generic Is Good – If Your School Permits It. The example for this is pencils. Apparently Ticonderoga pencils are the undisputed best rulerspencil out there. And if your child’s teacher requests that brand, it is for a reason – buy it. But if not, go for the generic. When I wrote this, 15 count Ticonderoga pencils were on sale at Walmart for $5.37. A 20 pack of Dixon pencils at Walmart was $0.97. 

Don’t Go For Gimmicks. Of course the glitter folder is really cool. But the plain one is cheaper, works the same way and doesn’t leave fairy dust behind!

Separate Wants from Needs. The school will give you a list of what your child needs for the year. There will be things they want as well. Try and stick to the basic needs – it will save you money.

Think Long Term. – Sure $39.00 for a PBK or Lands End Backpack or lunch bag seems expensive, but the quality is great. Some even have years-long guarantees. So if you drop the $39.00 (or even less with a promo code) and it lasts four years, that’s only $10.00 a year for a backpack.  That’s cheaper than you can find on sale anywhere around town!

Shop Online. Online prices may be different than in-store. Plus there’s additional savings codes. Just don’t be surprised when your $35.00 order comes in 17 different envelopes and boxes.

Admit You Might Be Wrong. Don’t be afraid to venture out of your norm. I am a die-hard Targeter. I was planning on going there for my son’s supplies. Now I’m not so sure….*see the sample price table I created below which reflects that on the items I checked online, Target wasn’t always the best deal.*

What school supply buying tips do you have to share with us?

ITEM TARGET MEIJER WALMART
24 Count Crayola $1.37 $0.50 $0.50
Expo Dry Erase Markers – 4 count $4.49 $3.49 $3.42
30 pack of Elmer’s Glue Sticks 9.89 Only had six packs for $1.99…so $9.95 $9.86
24 count Ticonderoga Pencils $5.89 $3.99 $4.47
Fiskars 5: Blunt Tip Scissors $1.99 $1.49 $3.49
100 Clear Sheet Protectors Avery Brand

$6.99

Avery Brand

$12.99

C-Line Brand

$9.61

Wide Rule Notebook – 70 pages Varies by store! $0.59 $0.17
32,662FansLike
19,100FollowersFollow
988FollowersFollow
1,310FollowersFollow

In + Around Detroit

Meet The Local Authors You’ll Find In + Around Detroit!

0
It's so easy to get lost inside a book and find yourself in another world. It's one of the reasons books are so amazing!...