“You know I am leaving for a few days next week.  You boys better be good for your mom while I am gone.  Don’t give her a hard time.”  Dad reminds the boys that another work trip is quickly approaching.  They usually respond with a sincere look and understanding, and they give him a simple little nod, “we will be good.”  But we BOTH know the boys will be good and things will remain semi normal for about…well, a day.  Then we await the inevitable, the moment when their emotions run a little bit higher and they start to say, “I miss dad, do you miss dad?!” On top of missing dad, the boys start to become annoyed with mom’s stress levels…{if I’m not managing it properly, which is about 90% of the time, yep, I can be quite annoying!}.

Once the conversation begins, it is a reminder to start preparing myself for the days that lie ahead.  When dad leaves for a work trip, it’s usually a bittersweet occasion.  On one hand, a little distance never hurts, and on the other hand, I have to deal with “everything” on my own.  I don’t get any breaks.  My day job  soon becomes my morning, my day, and my night job….24 hours of kids {constantly} demanding my love and attention!  I literally become a single mom. I praise you ladies who rock at this!  When it’s just me I have to become the fearless optimistic mom who can handle anything thrown my way.  I am the leader. If I’m scared, they are scared. If I’m stressed, they are stressed. If I am sad, they are sad.  I have to stay positive and upbeat to keep everyone uplifted.

When I think back to when I was working outside of the home, I am still amazed at what I could accomplish. It’s even exhausting to think about! I have a wonderful family.  My mom took care of our kids. Almost every day after pick up, I would wish for dinner plans at mom’s. Often times, I would give them a bath before we headed home. This was to help make bedtime easier so I could get ready for the next day and catch some zzzzz ‘s!

As dad’s return is near, we anxiously wait. He has, on occasion, surprised us. Only to appear out of nowhere unexpectedly-the kids dig that move! Finally when he does walk through the door we feel full of LOVE + happiness knowing he’s back home! Every trip we miss him dearly and realize what an important role he plays in our family.  He helps make our life enjoyable and he makes my life…well, easier and I am so grateful for everything he does do as their dad and my husband.

I have compiled a little list of things that I do to help us survive while he is away!

1. CATCH UP ON WEEKLY CHORES::I like to catch up on the mundane weekly tasks before he leaves so that I don’t have to worry too much about falling behind on them. Especially the laundry, because I have learned the hard way that I am just not going to be able to get everything done.

2. LOTS OF EXTRA HUGS AND KISSES::I try to hug and squeeze and kiss them a million times in dad’s absence because I know dad’s hugs are greatly missed.

3. DANCE PARTY IN OUR LIVING ROOM::De-stress. Yes, I LOVE dancing foolishly around the house.  It does help us decompress the built up emotions, stress and anxiety, PLUS we have a ton of fun letting loose!  The boys also love being the DJ.  Long walks or visits to the park also help.

4. A LITTLE YOGA AND MEDITATION::If the stress level is just too high, we sometimes have to try a little yoga and some breathing exercises.  I turn on some calming music and ask them to sit with me, breathe and talk about what is bothering them.

5. DESSERT FOR BREAKFAST {not really}::I do like to add a few extra treats like chocolate chips and marshmallows somewhere in the mix! They love little surprises. I hide certain snacks away just for this occasion.

6. LEARN TO SAY “NO”::I try to keep our schedule simple. Over booking us just leads to unnecessary stress.  Learning to let go in life is something I work on every day, especially when I am playing the single mom role.

7. BE HAPPY + OPTIMISTIC::I aim to teach them through example; I have to be happy and optimistic so that they are also happy and optimistic.  There is always sadness built around dad’s work trips, as well as a little optimism…  Let me explain.  I love my family unit.  We are a team!  The 4 of us work together to create a life full of love, trust and compassion for one another.  When something is off, it affects the whole unit, but a little distance is not going to hurt us-it will only help us grow and be stronger!

8. AVOID TALKING TO DAD ON THE PHONE::It is so easy for me to make him feel guilty for not being at home..helping! He knows, he really does, he gets it, and it is COMPLETELY out of his control and there really isn’t anything he can do from a distance. What is the point of starting a text message war or ending a conversation on a bad note? It also makes the kids even more sad when they talk to dad.

9. KEEP LIFE SIMPLE::I do things like boil a dozen eggs, make instant oatmeal, and wash and dry fruit (so it is ready to eat anytime).  We eat leftovers, go through the freezer for anything easy hiding in there or make breakfast for dinner {eggs and toast or pancakes are always a hit!}! Keeping bedtime routine simple also helps. I am usually completely exhausted.  When we are ready for bed, I take my laptop with me, set up camp and let them watch television until we all fall asleep!

10. PLAY DATES + FAMILY VISITS::Setting up fun play dates with friends and little visits with family help too!  It keeps the kids occupied and not asking, “when is dad coming home?!”  This also helps me-it gives me a little break from, well, them!  They keep busy, have fun and stay happy!

To Whom It May Concern:

I was once a single man living in Metro Detroit, I had free reign to do as I pleased and my home was decorated as any man would have it… sparse! There is a song by Kenny Chesney called “Don’t Blink”, the premise is that if you blink life keeps moving. Well, I blinked.   When I opened my eyes I had lost the counter space in my bathroom to hair brushes and makeup, pink had become a color that was used frequently to paint walls and apparently I will never understand certain things in life that only the fairer sex does. Things such as why feminine products have to command so much space under the counter, why Justin Bieber calls himself an “artist” and why emotions trump logic!! It was a long blink!!

I love my girls, of which I have three, a beautiful wife and two amazing daughters! One is 13 and the other almost 2. They are my life and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. However, there is so much estrogen (attitude) in my home that even my “man” spots ooze pink and ribbons and sass! When I ask why, I feel like Jon Snow from GOT (Game of Thrones) being told “you know nothing” . Well I am learning… let the women have their pink walls and teeny pop music and understand that you shouldn’t blink cause life will pass you by and you won’t get the chance to fight for that last little bit of counter space for your toothbrush!!

Sincerely,

Husband “X”

{Down with Detroit}

I was born and raised in the Metro- Detroit Area. I grew up in White Lake, a small town about an hour outside of the city. Detroit was always something of an enigma to me when I was growing up. We only went downtown on very special occasions. I can count the number of trips to Detroit from my childhood on one hand, and I think that is one of the main reasons for my obsession with the city now. Going to Downtown Detroit is amazing. Despite what you hear on the news, people are welcoming, the architecture is stunning and there are plenty of things to do and see. The Tigers, Lions and Red Wings all make their home there. Going to Greek town to sample delicious treats at the Astoria Pastry Shop is a must (and I highly recommend their pecan pie!). Picking a side when it comes to The Coney Dog rivalry can make or break relationships. Photography tours of the city will open your eyes and give you a whole new perspective on our extraordinary downtown gem.

{My Life}

I love taking care of people, so it was just a natural thing that I started working in the Healthcare Industry when I was 16. I currently work for The Detroit Medical Center’s Sinai-Grace Hospital on the west side of Detroit. When I’m not working and taking care of people, I love to cook. I love finding new recipes and tweaking them to make them my own. My husband is a courageous man and lets me use him as a taste tester. My best friend, my sister, lives in Florida. I get to spend a lot of time in the sunshine state spending time with her & her little family. With that, comes the bonus of going to Walt Disney World – quite possibly our most favorite place on Earth. We go there as often as we can, or should I say, as often as we can afford to go. I love the feeling you get walking through the front gates – it always makes me feel like a kid again. I can’t wait to take our son there for the first time.

{Babies and Beyond}

My husband and I married in October of 1999 and after four years of marriage we decided it was time to expand our little family. What followed was month after month of heart-break; the waiting, the hoping, the letdown. This went on for well over a year. We had been checked out by our doctors and everything was normal. We tried for another year; still no luck. At that point we were looking into options to help us achieve our dream when suddenly, I became sick. Sick is such a strange word to use for what I was diagnosed with. I was diagnosed with a cardiac arrhythmia. It’s not life-threatening, but very much annoying. The medication that they used to control it was not something I could take and carry a child at the same time, so our family plans were put on the back-burner for the time being. I very much wanted OFF the medication, so I opted to try a cardiac ablation to fix the problem. The ablation would burn the “extra wire” causing the problem in my heart and I’d be able to get off the medication. Well, things didn’t go as planned, but that’s a long story for another time. All that really matters is that I still have the arrhythmia and am still on a medication to help control it.

A few months after the failed attempt to fix my heart, I started getting other symptoms. Pain, fever, fatigue and joint swelling that would only go away after a round of prednisone, which is another medication you cannot take while pregnant. None of the doctors I consulted at the time could tell me what it was. It was a mystery illness and yet another roadblock to parenthood.

What we thought was a road block was actually a starting point. It helped us to look into other options to make our dream of becoming a family a reality. We initially looked into adoption through the State of Michigan. The agency was not the easiest to work with and we ended up abandoning that route. It was then that our very good friend, Shannon, volunteered to be a surrogate for us. We were beyond excited about taking her up on her offer!

We had started investigating how exactly to go about surrogacy in Michigan when I received another call; this time from one of our very best friends, Jen. Her niece, Courtney, had just discovered that she was pregnant. She was not ready to become a mother and she did not want to terminate the pregnancy. She was looking into adoption. She wanted to talk to me.

We met for dinner one night last September and things went well. We were on the same page, so to speak, in regards to the adoption – we all wanted an open adoption. She was OK with us attending check-up appointments and ultrasounds throughout her pregnancy. We could keep in touch via phone and Facebook in-between appointments. We could develop a relationship, which we’ve done over these last eight months, and we have all come to love and respect one another. On May 29^th 2014, our courageous, beautiful and selfless birth mother gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy, our son, Liam Isaac. He was 7 pounds, 14 ounces, 20 ¼ inches long and is the most gorgeous baby I have ever laid my eyes on…although I may be a little biased. He is everything we hoped and wished for over the last decade. He is our dream come true.

{Down With Detroit}

I’ve got kind of a weird thing going on with my living situation. I live in Beverly Hills for part of the year and then, during the summer, I live up north. My husband owns an overnight camp for kids and it‘s located in Kalkaska, Michigan which is not far from Traverse City, Boyne, Petoskey and Charlevoix. I love being up there in the summer. I love it. But I always love coming home too.

I went to college and lived in Columbus, Ohio for 8 years, (Go Buckeyes!–Sorry.) but other than that, I have always lived in Michigan—and I have always been happy here. I especially love that our city is making a comeback because there are no better days than the days we spend with our kids downtown. Plus, Eminem is here and even though he doesn’t know or care that I’m here too, I still like to be where he is, and so do my kids.

{My Life}

I am a parent, above all else, but that is funny to me because I probably have no business being in charge of anyone. It’s not unusual for me to tell my kids to do something and then start cracking up because, as far as they’re concerned, I’m their parent so they have to do what I say.

Besides the whole parent thing (seriously, though, that is enough) I have a job in promotional marketing and I have my camp life.

Outside of the kids and counselors, camp was not a natural fit for me; I am ANYTHING but earthy. I still get teased about the first time I went up for a visit and I asked if someone was going to come get my bags. I have no idea how I ended up there, in that life, but I show up every summer with wedge flip flops and tiaras for my kids and I love it. We all do.

I write a blog called Dim Sum and Doughnuts. I wrote another one before that one called FuLan-Mania: A Blog of Chinese Adoption and Clueless Parents. The blogs, they are for my girls, so they have them one day. That way, they will not only have some preserved memories, but they will also know that their mommy was totally off-the-wall crazy while she loved them with every fiber of her being.

Also, (side note) I love cake (like sheet cake, not fancy cake), “Miami Vice” (the first 2 seasons) and Henri Bendel. In case you were wondering.

{Babies and Beyond}

I have a husband, Mark Coden (Cody).We met in 2002 (I was 31 years old) when I wasn’t paying attention. I had on a baseball cap and work-out clothes but he fell for me anyway. I thought Cody was the coolest guy ever, and I still do.

Cody and I have a daughter, Frankie, whom (I think it’s “whom”) we adopted from Chongqing, China in March of 2008. She was 11 months old when we got her. We had absolutely no idea what the hell we were doing as parents, especially to a kid who was adopted. I made a lot of mistakes and there were days that I second guessed why anyone would give me a child, but Frankie seems to be adjusting JUST FINE. She is 1/4 an amazing big sister, 1/4 the sweetest kid, 1/4 the most fun, and 1/4 “OMG, you are driving me crazy!” (Wait…can we make that last one a little more than 1/4?)

Cody and I have a daughter, Frankie, whom (I think it’s “whom”) we adopted from Chongqing, China in March of 2008. She was 11 months old when we got her. We had absolutely no idea what the hell we were doing as parents, especially to a kid who was adopted. I made a lot of mistakes and there were days that I second guessed why anyone would give me a child, but Frankie seems to be adjusting JUST FINE. She is 1/4 an amazing big sister, 1/4 the sweetest kid, 1/4 the most fun, and 1/4 “OMG, you are driving me crazy!” (Wait…can we make that last one a little more than 1/4?)

Our life and our family is pretty unconventional, but we make it work.

(At least I think we do. I really have no idea…I’m just happy that I made it through another day and both of my kids are home, in their beds and alive.)

I hope you come check us out…

{Facebook}

{Twitter}  (Come find me! I’m finally getting the hang of it!!)

And I’m on {Instagram} too, but I don’t really understand it.

June is not only MY birthday (so what if I celebrate it the whole month) but it is also Father’s Day! I guess I can give up one of my days to honor and celebrate and thank all those DAD’s out there!

Since my husband Dan is a new dad, it is only fitting that he contribute to the blog to tell his side of the story on pregnancy and new babies. He refused and said I can interview instead – in exchange for him going out for a game of golf. OK – this is going to be fun!

I set up my phone to record it. I swear – what you are going to read really happened and was really said (minus a few swear words here and there). For those who know Dan, he has a very dry humor. He likes to remind me that I have zero sense of humor and can’t understand sarcasm. And I am gullible. HAHA

ME:         Dan, these are the rules if you want to play. I am going to ask you some questions and you have to answer HONESTLY and seriously.

DAN:       Uhhh ok.

ME:         How does it feel to be a dad?

DAN:       I need more of a deeper question to answer. Too broad.

ME:         Ok, let’s start over. When you found out I was pregnant with Alexandra, what was your first reaction?

DAN:       Well, if you remember Lauren, you were out who knows where with your sister. I came home and as I am in the bathroom, I see a positive pregnancy test stick in the window sill. My first thought was: ummm… how old is this? Was I supposed to see this and where the hell is Lauren?

ME:         OH YEA! You ruined my surprise. I was too much in shock and forgot to hide it.

DAN:       But inside I was happy and all I could think was “oh shit – I’m going to be a DAD!!”

ME:         Awww! How about when I told you I was pregnant the second time? (Readers: I put a “BIG SISTER” t-shirt on Alexandra and sat her in the kitchen waiting for Dan to get home from work).

DAN:       At first, I didn’t comprehend her shirt. Then it sunk in – ANOTHER BABY! Then when I found out you already knew for a week I was pissed!

ME:         I had to go find the right t-shirt first! I was going to wait 2 more weeks and tell you on your birthday! You’re lucky I didn’t wait that long!

ME:         Ok, how was it dealing with me pregnant these past few months?

DAN:       You were a MONSTER. The first time, you were much more normal and nice and human. You were more relaxed. This time. NOT SO MUCH. I was counting down the months until the baby was born.

ME:         DUH. We didn’t have kids yet. We had a toddler this time. WITH CASTS ON HER LEGS. In the middle of the most freezing and snowiest winter ever. MISERY.

DAN:       This time, I wanted to disappear and come back when Vinnie was born. You had the bed covered in pillows, a body pillow, other pillows. So many pillows there was no room for me.

ME:         That was my point. I wanted the whole bed to myself.

DAN:       You snored. You made weird noses. You used so much toilet paper – who uses so much toilet paper?? I don’t understand why there were always 20 packs of Quilted Northern in the closet. You were up most of the night. I got no sleep.

ME:         YOUR SON was pressing on my bladder and I had pregnancy insomnia. Now that the baby is here, can you sleep better?

DAN:       You really want me to answer that? How about WAAAAAAA. That kid doesn’t just wake up slowly and lays there. He gets up and screams his head off until you feed him. How can something so little scream so loud? Then you have to talk to him to be quiet at 2am? He can’t understand a word you are saying. Remember my rules? No talking until I have a shower and coffee.

ME:         Next time, I will put his screaming mouth right next to your ear. I am not sure how you lay there, snoring and I’m up every time.

DAN:       I’m not sleeping. I’m up. I just pretend to sleep.

ME:         You’re an ass.

DAN:       You know I love you.

ME:         What are you plans, as a Dad, for our kids? This is a serious question now. No screwing around.

DAN:       I think we each need to take our kids, one at a time, and do something with them. I want to take Alexandra camping one day – Daddy Daughter camping. And no, not at a Holiday Inn. Real camping, in a tent and build a fire.

ME:         HAVE FUN. I’m not going.

DAN:       You are not invited. But that means, you and Vinnie will have to do Mommy Son things. Shopping does not count.

ME:         Ok, we will go to California and go on a whale watching cruise!!! Or explore Detroit and look at Architecture! Or… go to a Tigers game!

DAN:       Our kids are the greatest. I love Alexandra at this age. She is learning to put sentences together, she asks the silliest questions and says the cutest things. And Vinnie takes after his Dad – super handsome!

ME:         Teaching her to say “change my butt!” is not cute.

DAN:       Hell yes it is.

ME:         You’re a goof ball. I love you.

DAN:       I love you too.

Well hello there! My name is Jennifer and I write a little blog over at Mommy Life After Ph.D. where I share all about our life with the Crazies, aka Mr. A, C Puddins, BabyGirl, and the magnificent Mr. M. These four babies are all under the age of five…which means I was pregnant or nursing for the better part of six years. At the same time, I studied and earned my Master’s and Ph.D. degrees.

It takes a special kind of crazy for that mess. And an amazing hubby. But I’m all done with the books (at least from the student perspective) and have moved on to other roles in academia plus the title of blog-writing mommy. It has a certain ring to it, right? Or is that a ring around it? Where’s my scrub brush! Before I get back to cleaning, I’d like to share the DMBs of ME with YOU! So here goes nothing…

{Down with Detroit}

We moved to the metro Detroit area for my husband’s job and have LOVED every minute of our time here. What a beautiful (albeit a little snowy) part of the country. But we do love seasons and you cannot beat the outdoor living here. We’ve really enjoyed camping and exploring this state.

{My Life}

As I mentioned, I’m a bit of a nerd and love to learn and read and teach. For the moment I’m a SAHM/WAHM hybrid and it’s the perfect match for our family in this season of life. I love that I can cart the Crazies to and from school and spend all day with them, but still get do my own work during nap time or after they’ve gone to bed for the night. Perfect combo, I tell ya. My hubby and I have been married for 10 years and I could not be happier with the little life we’ve made for ourselves.

{Babies and Beyond}

My big guy Mr. A loves to laugh, play any kind of sport, and is the quintessential older brother and first child. Our sweet BabyGirl has a certain person wrapped around her little finger, is a total goofball, and might just be the next writer in our family. C Puddins is also known as “the sweetest fing” by any kid who can’t make the ‘th’ sound yet. He’s a snuggle bug, and while the terrible 3s have hit, he’s still my little guy.  And last, but certainly not least (um, ’cause he weight 10 lbs., 5 oz. at birth), is the marvelous Mr. M. At just 19 months old, he talks up a storm and has mastered the art of charming the ladies with his big blue eyes.