Being 40: The Good and The Bad

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There is nothing better than netflixing and noshing on Christmas break. Yes, there were kids to be fed, a husband in need of some love, dogs to be let out, and plants to be watered. But sometimes a girl just needs to eat leftover holiday cookies and binge-watch all of her favorite shows!

Being in my forties, I can relate to my mother. Back in the ’80s, she religiously watched her soap operas while cooking nelaga (Filipino soup), cleaning, laundering, and more! Plus she was a full-time midnight nurse. And, I have 50% less children than she has!

Photo by @the.jones.photo.co

The Young & the Restless, The Bold & the Beautiful, As the World Turns . . . pick your poison from the ’80s. I recall in my teens actually getting into all the sticky, crazy TV drama. So, being 40, I Netflix now, like my mother was obsessed with soap operas back then! 

Watching FireFly Lane

Have you seen Firefly Lane? It is a romantic drama novel by Kristin Hannah that was turned into a Netflix series about two best friends who meet each other in middle school. The show follows them throughout each little (and big) valley and mountain of their very different lifestyles.

Season one came out in February of 2021 and had us yearning for more like every other Netflix series. So, when season two, part one, came out in December, I was on Christmas vacation, and it was a great time for some ME TIME, snuggling and cozy with a glass of wine and my favorite fuzzy blanket with my dogs.

This series is worth binge-watching, especially if you are in your forties. Being a mother, you can relate to the story with the relationships between their mothers, as well as when they grow up to start their own families. The Netflix show by Maggie Friedman is so relatable because the two main characters, Tully Hart (Katherine Heigl) and Kate Melarkey (Sarah Chalke), portray personalities that we as women can see ourselves in! The question is, are you a Kate Melarkey or Tully Hart? Personally, I am both! 

The Good Things About Being 40

Firefly Lane is entertaining and funny, however it made me think about my life: the ups and downs of what goes on, and how imperfectly messy and what an emotional ride it is!

For a mother in her forties, it also is an eye-opener. We are in our mid-lives. Some of us have been in our marriage for many years. Some of us have teenagers or young adults, and some of us have babies. We might be in our second marriage, or single, or dating. Wherever we are in our forties, IT IS OKAY. Because LIFE happens and it will go on! Just make sure YOU make the best of it, and know you are not alone!

It really got me thinking about my life. There are so many great things about being 40:

You have confidence.

You care about what YOU think more than what others think about you. In this world of comparison and impostor syndrome, sometimes it’s hard. But, you stay focused on YOUR goals and crush them! 

Your life feels pretty established.

You have your family, your house, your career. You’re blessed. Period. 

You have freedom.

If you have older children, the teen can watch the little ones and BAM! You can go shopping, go to the gym, go out for a drink, go to the library . . . whatever you want.

Your relationship with siblings is much better.

I am the youngest of four sisters. We now can relate to each other and have deeper conversations about anything!

Your love life is on fire. 

Studies say women in their thirties have reached their sexual peak. However, other studies have shown that the forties is the decade to be in! If you are confident, comfortable, and you know what you want . . . then this is true! 

You’re in the mood to cleanse.

Your closets, your body, your mind. You find more clarity and focus with how you want to spend your time and energy.

You know your own style.

Don’t get me wrong, keeping up with style trends is great! This is the time you can be comfortable in YOUR own style. Try to focus on what you like the most and purchase more quality pieces. 

The Bad Things About Being 40

The journey of being 40 should not be conquered alone. Here at Detroit Mom, there are many community groups to join. Sometimes, being in your forties can be tough. Here are some “not-so-glamorous” things about being 40:

You are uncomfortable with growth.

You might be ready for a change in your career, home, or life. Take a class, or volunteer with an organization or church. Find like-minded women and have fun together. Level up your career or try something new.  

It’s Groundhog Day all the time.

You may feel like you are in a hamster wheel or stuck in a rut. It doesn’t have to be this way. You have a schedule and a routine. You have the ability to place amazing events on your calendar. DO IT!

Your energy isn’t what it used to be. 

I keep thinking I am invincible. I am Filipina-American, so I look young. However, my body and age are telling me I can’t eat and drink the same as I used to! Plus, factor in your kids, and you are extra tired. Try to eat better, drink less, and sleep and exercise more.  

The aging process is for real.

Mom-bod? What? This is harsh. The answer is yes. We are not the same–we have wrinkles, age spots, dimpled butts, and saggy boobs. Let’s look at the bright side . . . we can age naturally or unnaturally. The beauty of it is that it is YOUR choice. Your mom-bod!

You are now the older generation.

Being from the Biggie Smalls and Eminem era, we are now considered OLD. Yes, my teen loves to listen to the oldies station (105.1 the Bounce!)! We listen to it loud and proud. 

Everyone is changing.

The kids aren’t babies anymore. They are more independent; they speak their own minds (maybe a little too much!). Just accept it. This is your life and season now. And just because you don’t change their diapers, or cut up their food, some say the teen years are when they need us the most. Whatever age they grow to be, they will always be our babies.

What are the results?

Being 40 isn’t that bad. If you look back on your twenties and thirties, there were cons. The bottom line is that there are always ways to get around a slump or over a big ugly mountain. YOU just have to find YOUR own way to navigate through it. You will find out what matters the most to you and be yourself. 

Looking for more inspiring content? Dayna reflects on the idea that as moms, we don’t need permission to do our own thing!

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