Starting a family is expensive, but when you add adoption expenses into the mix? Wow. I’m not going to lie – adoption is uber expensive. When my husband and I first started our adoption adventure, we had some rose colored glasses on. We were absolutely clueless as to exactly how expensive it could be. One agency we contacted wanted $15,000 up front, with the possibility of needing to pay more down the line.  Oh, and paying all of that money to the agency would not guarantee we would receive a child. To say we had sticker shock would be a bit of an understatement. As it turned out, we were very fortunate. We had a birth mother approach us and because of that we were able to “a la cart” our adoption, so to speak. That way we could pay for each expense as it came up and we would not have to obtain an agency.

Once a birth mother approached us to adopt her child {EEEK! We were going to be a family!} we had a due date, and along with that came an end date to raise money for adoption expenses. It also meant that there were less than eight months to get everything completed – home inspections, legal paperwork and doctor’s visits.  We needed to start saving (hoarding?) money – FAST!

First thing a friend suggested we do was open a donation page. There are many sites to choose from, gofundme and giveforward is just a couple that I have used personally. They allowed us to crowd fund by placing links on every social media website where we had an account. The donations started almost immediately thanks to all the awesome people in our lives. 🙂

Now that we had our donation page up and running, it was time to get creative. We needed to come up with fundraisers that would appeal to everyone we knew.

Here are just a few of the ideas that we and our friends came up with:

• Direct sales of CHOCOLATE! Very few people hate chocolate, plus it’s consumable so people will come back for more and more. I signed up as a direct sales consultant, first with Lindt (they have since bowed out of the direct sales industry), and then Dove Chocolate Discoveries. In the month leading to Christmas I managed to earn $1000 to put toward our adoption expenses.

• ANY direct sales company will offer to do a fundraiser for you. Check with friends or the company itself to find a distributor/consultant. You may even get a DOUBLE BONUS and get free stuff from the company along with a donation. The free items can be used at a later event as a prize. We earned a couple hundred dollars to put toward our adoption fund by hosting parties!

• Tattoo fundraiser – our friend is a licensed tattoo artist and held a “Tattoo Party” for us. He was extremely generous and gave us 50% of what he earned each day – all we had to do was get customers for him! If this is something that you’re in to, talk with your artist to see if he or she would be willing to help. We earned about $500 with minimal effort on our part. 

• Casino bus trip – if you have friends that like to gamble, this is a GREAT money maker! Our dear friend Scott handled booking the bus, contacting the casino for comps and such and planned fun activities for the ride to and from FireKeepers Casino in Battle Creek, MI. We ended up clearing just over $1800 to put toward our adoption expenses!

• Silent Auction – we elected to have a prize raffle drawing instead of a silent auction, but a silent auction just might work for you!

• T-shirt sales – we are fortunate enough to have many graphic designers in our life and one volunteered her time and created a t-shirt for us to sell. We’re also fortunate enough to know someone that has a screen printing shop. We made a few hundred dollars (I can’t remember the exact amount) on t-shirt sales during Milford Memories Summer Festival.

• Bowling fundraiser – the local bowling alleys in our area are really great when it comes to hosting fundraisers. I’ve been to a few and was thrilled when the owner of Holly Lanes in Holly, MI offered the use of his alley to help us out. We earned just shy of $1000 at this fundraiser.

• Raffles – during our bowling fundraiser we held two different raffles:
  • a 50/50 raffle: Tickets were available in $5 and $10 increments. We drew the winner at the end of our event.
  • Prize raffle: What should we raffle? EVERYTHING! We asked everyone we knew to donate new items or gift certificates, checked with local businesses about donations of goods or services and also added in any free items we had received from direct sales companies. Purchased raffle tickets were dropped into a bucket in front of the prize they wanted to win. At the end of the event, we drew one ticket out of each bucket.

All in all with donations and fundraiser we were able to raise nearly $10,000 to help us pay for our adoption. How blessed are we?!? That left about $2,000 for us to save on our own, and fortunately our tax return covered that. J

I hope that our ideas will help you raise the money you need to get your family started!

Webster Dictionary defines Adoption as “The act or process of giving official acceptance or approval to something.” But what does adoption really mean?  As an adult who was adopted as an infant, it means a great deal.  It has meant that I was chosen and loved by a generous and caring couple.  Adoption meant that I gained an older brother who may not be blood related to me, but he would protect me to the end of the world.  As a Child Welfare worker almost 30 years later, the idea of adoption takes on a whole new meaning.  I have seen children come into Foster Care after what seems to be a nightmare of a childhood.  I have seen biological parents turn their lives around and re-create themselves after realizing that they have every possibility of losing their children to “The System.”  But I have also seen children left in the abyss of Foster Care, with parental rights terminated, and no extended family to take them in.  I have had the awful conversation with children who cannot be matched with a “forever family,” and remind them that they are special and deserve to be loved. 

But…I have seen a silver lining.  I have watched as the community has come together to meet children who are searching to belong.   I have seen the excitement in a couple’s or individual’s face as I explain to them that adoption from foster care is not only a viable option, but a way to build their family and change a child’s life from negative to positive! 

In the spirit of National Adoption Month, I want to invite any families out there to look into the idea of Adoption from Foster Care.  This is also commonly referred to as “Special Needs Adoption.”  Special needs in Child Welfare may range from medically fragile children to those with emotional or behavioral needs.  Children who are in Foster Care have been removed from their biological home based on Child Protective Services (CPS) and a judge ruling that a child has been abused or neglected in their home or by someone responsible for their care.  Biological Parents are given approximately one year to work with the court and the foster care agency in the hopes of resolving their issues and having their children returned home.  If a parent is not able to make these efforts in a reasonable amount of time, then the Foster Care Agency can make a recommendation to “Terminate Parental Rights” to the children in care.   From this point, the Foster Care Agency places the children for adoption.  Children under 14 are automatically given a goal of Adoption, and the search for permanence begins.  Children ages 14 and up have the choice of whether or not they would like to be adopted, or would rather have a goal that leans towards Guardianship, Independent Living, or Emancipation, based on their age and maturity level.  Regardless of their age, there are children asking for a family to call their own.  This is where we need you.  We need families of all kinds to change a child’s life forever.  To help these children know and believe that they are capable of great things, including belonging and being loved.

Special Needs Adoption is a viable possibility throughout the state, and across the country.  Although there are many Child Welfare Agencies throughout Michigan, they are all licensed through the state, and are required to follow certain policies and procedures.  Each county in Michigan has a Child Welfare Department, as well.  These policies may seem a bit excessive as you go through the licensing and adoption process, but they are there in order to maintain the safety of the nearly 13,000 children who are in foster care at any given time.  Policies that are enforced for licensed foster and adoptive parents range from providing regular medical care to the square footage that each bedroom needs to be for the children in your home.  Again, many of the rules may seem basic or invasive, but this is the state’s way of caring for so many children at any given time.  Some agencies may require your home to be licensed in order to adopt from foster care, and others may give an option of having a home study completed without a home being licensed.  In order for a home to be licensed, an agency will assign a worker to go through the home to ensure that it is safe according to state policies.  The Licensing worker will also interview parents, children, and references for the family in order to get a better sense of the family structure and what types of children will do well in the home.  This “Home Study” is then submitted to the state with a recommendation to license a home for children who would be a best fit with the family. 

Although the licensing process is a bit more strict, it can also mean longer transition times for the adoptee and the family before making a final decision to adopt or not, and can also mean that the adoption process itself may go quicker.  Either option is extremely less expensive than Infant Adoption, which can range in cost from $10,000 to $30,000 or higher, if you are looking to do International Adoption.  Special Needs Adoptions do not have the high price tag, as these are children who are actively looking for a home, and are waiting with the state in the meantime.  These children feel the loss of not having a family as each day passes.  No matter what you decide, know that there are ways that you can make a difference in a child’s life.  Look below for some great resources about Foster Care and Adoption.  The biggest piece of advice I can give is to simply ask yourself what you can do.  There is no harm in asking, and you may be surprised by the answer you get.

There are many resources that someone can use to learn more about Foster Care and Special Needs Adoption.  The first one that I recommend to anyone considering Special Needs Adoption is the Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange, or MARE.  www.mare.org is a wonderful start in learning more about the licensing and adoption process in your area.  It gives a well-rounded set of information, as well as connections to other resources and photo listings of children who are currently up for adoption.  Wendy’s Wonderful Kids is a community through the Dave Thomas Foundation that helps focuses the efforts to find older children and siblings their forever homes.  Go to www.davethomasfoundation.org for more information, or to help out in any way you can.  You can also call the Foster Parent Navigator Program to become a licensed foster parent, or to learn about the Foster Care and Adoption Agencies in your area!  Visit www.fcnp.org for more information about the Navigators.

Becky Van Etten has worked in Child Welfare for over 4 years, first as a Foster Care Case Manager, and now working as a Foster and Adoptive Home Recruitment and Retention Specialist.  She currently works with foster and adoptive families, training them so that parents are prepared for working with the Michigan Family Court System, the Child Welfare System, and how to address the needs of children in foster care while they are placed in Foster and Adoptive homes.

I remember before my daughter was born I would be doing little things like folding laundry, daydreaming what it would be like holding little onesies instead of our clothes. I couldn’t help but imagine our living room floor cluttered with toys. I had all sorts of free time, but honestly, I was tired of free time!
 
Like many couples, my husband and I were experiencing the frustrations of infertility, a journey that felt painfully long, but in reality lasted around 5 years.
 
Fast forward to 2014, I should be doing laundry right now. I would be hard pressed to find a room in my house that isn’t cluttered with toys, and what was that free time thing again?! 
 
Loose translation, this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
 
I have the most amazing, funny, bright, energetic, lovable, and captivating little 2 year old creating havoc and lighting up my life every day.
 
Thank you, God for adoption.

thank you.

 
We started looking into adoption while we were still seeking infertility treatment, curious about what the process looked like and the timelines involved. I started reading books about it and we went to a seminar at Bethany Christian Services. When our predetermined last try at infertility treatment didn’t take and I wasn’t devastated about it, I knew why. My heart had already moved on. I wanted a baby through adoption.
 
The day after Christmas, 2011 we submitted our initial request for a formal application. There were months of completing paperwork, creating “the perfect” family profile book, and a series of 3 home studies.

We waited for the call about our home study approval. “She said 4 – 6 weeks” I thought at week 6, being completely impatient and worked up about nothing!

And then the phone call came while I was sitting at my desk at work.

“Hi Annie, are you sitting down?”
Yes
“Congratulations, your home study’s been approved…”
Hooray
“You’ve been matched …”
“And the birth mother is in labor…”
Oh!

I was shaking visibly, trying to scribble down the details she was giving me.
“We’ll need to know what you decide…quickly”

I called my husband and recited the same lines that had been delivered to me a few minutes ago. How could we say no, we decided. Did it really matter that our nursery at the time consisted of a glider and dresser?

We called our moms, and then I called the social worker with an emphatic YES!

 Just six hours later after taking care of some paperwork with the hospital social worker and adoption specialist we were able to see her for the very first time.

She looked so calm stretched out under the heat lamp in her bassinet. It was so surreal, feeling as though we were visitors but internally trying to recognize that we were here to meet the baby who would become our daughter. She was born at 35 weeks and was tiny; just under 5 lbs. There we were holding this beautiful newborn, cautiously falling in love, trying to do our best remembering that she wasn’t ours.

We stayed 5 days in the hospital with her before we were able to bring her home.

I think back how eager I was to take her home, breaking down in tears when the pediatrician said one more day. The stress, excitement, lack of sleep, and enormity of everything was starting to wear me down.

I felt so prepared to be this sweet baby’s mom. I joked with our pediatrician several weeks later at our following well baby visits that at every consecutive visit I felt less and less prepared!  He assured me this was a good sign of bonding!

Some things they can’t prepare you for in training and books. I wasn’t prepared for the awkward feeling of staying on a post-partum floor without having just given birth. Or the nagging insecurity buried deep down telling you that the reason she’s still crying is because she wants her mom. I was grateful that she was so easily soothed those first few days in the hospital, for her sake and for mine!

We met her wonderful, sweet, and shy birth mom and were able to spend some time getting to know one another.

There were so many little things that just fell into place. I think back in wonderment about it all. Too many to mention here, but these are some of my favorites.
 
Sending in our family profile book weeks before they needed it, because why not? (Because it made it to exactly where it was supposed to be, just in time)
 
Coincidentally, our daughter’s birth mom was in labor at the hospital where I work. (One of my favorite stories to tell is when a RN friend walked into the room we were in at the hospital to do a vitals check, she saw me and did a double take wondering why dietary had been requested. When she realized we were the adoptive parents she was in tears of joy.)

 
We went out and got the essentials on our way home from the hospital that night. (For two indecisive people who’d been dragging their feet, being forced to shop for baby supplies in Meijer at midnight was a blessing in disguise.)
 
We had family, friends, and neighbors who gave us a tremendous amount of support and baby essentials those first few weeks. We felt so blessed.
(Including my shocked neighbor who didn’t even know we were adopting when we called her from the hospital asking her to take out our dog. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for telling me that I needed to use your day care provider…ever.)
 
We met her birth mom and family and had a really nice connection at the hospital.
(Extra special was that someone from pastoral care just happened to come in during the short time we were visiting together and prayed for our families.)
 
 

We feel fortunate to have had such a smooth adoption process, as is not always the case, and for such a short wait, also something that’s not typical. I am amazed and impressed by families who wait years and years to meet their children and of the resilience and faith of families who experience adoption disruption.
 
At night I rock my daughter to sleep, hold her tight, and know confidently that things are exactly as they were meant to be.
 
So as my sweet little thing sleeps, and I’m taking care of little things around the house; I’m thankful. I’m thankful for my family, my friends, and for the little things.
 
Thank you, God for adoption.
 
 

About me: I am a full time working mom of one. My husband and I have been enjoying this crazy ride together for 11 years! We recently relocated from the Metro Detroit area to Grand Rapids to be closer to family. Our family’s favorite activities include singing at the dinner table, dancing in the living room, and taking walks to the neighborhood playgrounds.

Some people believe it’s a primal instinct for women to want to be pregnant. Not me. I never wanted to have kids. I mean, yes, I wanted to HAVE kids but I never felt the pregnancy urge and the thought of giving birth terrified me. Our plan was to have one and then adopt one. I tried for a few months to get pregnant and physically there were no issues, but I got impatient.

When we decided to switch our plan to adopt first, I remember the relief. We were going to build our family! And not only that, but we got to choose the sex of our child, I didn’t have to be pregnant, and I didn’t have to give birth.

Fine by me!

Maybe you’re considering adoption because your Fertility Road is a dead end, or maybe you just don’t have that “need” to have a biological child. However you got here is your business but I got asked to write a piece on adoption so as long as I’m here, I might as well  get “real deal” with you. I feel like I’m in a prime position to do so. I have one child that is adopted, but I also have one that isn’t.

First things first:

If you’re thinking about adoption, believe that any kid can be your kid. Most anyone who has made the decision to adopt probably already feels that way, but for some, adoption isn‘t a first choice. It‘s a last resort. I’m willing to bet, though, if you pull 100 families who have adopted, you will get very few who don’t feel that their kid is their kid. Sure, they may not have felt that way going in, or even when the kid was placed in their arms, but any kid you birth or adopt is going to feel foreign at first. I don’t care where they’re from or how they got to you. There’s a new person in your world and everything just changed, big time.

It is MORE than possible to connect with a child who is adopted. My older daughter is from China. Someone else made her and birthed her, but if they walked past each other, they’d never know it. She’s my kid. She may even be more my kid than the kid I birthed. She will say something totally random and I’ll say “I was totally going to say that!!” or we will walk into a room and both have an issue with the funky smell, or how I recently complained to one of my friends about how tough she is (because I am convinced that she is going to be THE DEATH of me) and he said “You know why she’s like that?…Because you are.”)

Super.

Do your research. Check out lots of countries, including your own. I knew I wanted China because right around the time we decided to start a family, I had been reading a book called The Lost Daughters of China and I was obsessed. (I tend to get obsessive about things.) I HAD TO adopt a kid from China. My husband still had me look into other places, just to make sure, but China was the right choice for us.

Consider visiting the child’s place of origin when the time is right. Not all parents (or kids) will be able to do this. In fact, not all parents or kids will want to do this, but if it’s possible (and affordable) to one day take your child back to where he came from, I have to believe it will be a meaningful trip— and even more meaningful if it’s with you. [Sidenote: If you adopt within your country, a trip to their city/state is still a good idea. You can’t be like “Oh! We’re in Florida and he’s from Alabama. Same country! Off the hook!”  NO. Sorry!

Don’t make your child someone she’s not. One of my best girlfriends adopted two amazing girls. We have very little background on either one of her girls because they were left (at different times) at a fire station. The older one has hair that definitely leans more towards the African American culture but my girlfriend is Caucasian and has no idea how to “do” her hair. So you know what she does? She takes her daughter to a salon that specializes in African American hair.

Don’t be scared to adopt because the kid you get might have issues. He will. That’s because all kids have issues. Some issues, admittedly, are worse than others, so make sure everyone involved knows going in what you are and aren’t willing to accept. No one is judging you and who cares if they are? You’re building your family your way. But once that kid is placed in your arms, you have to deal. You get what you get–same as it would be if you birthed the kid yourself. Plus, who’s to say that kid wouldn’t have issues? (No offense.)

Be open about the adoption from the very beginning. Talk about it. We refer to it a lot, we celebrate it and sometimes we even (GASP!!) joke around about it (but never in a hurtful way). I like that we openly discuss, as a family, what our daughter’s life was before we came into it. I also like that we discuss what happened while we were there and how we can’t wait to go back. If you make it some big secret, it’s going to be one big secret and who needs that?? Not me.

Don’t believe the hype. Forget the stereotypes. Your kid will be a product of you before you know it so if you’re adopting from Russia, that doesn’t ensure that your kid is going to be a professional hockey player. If you’re adopting from Japan, that doesn’t mean your daughter will automatically be obedient and/or have no sense of humor, and if you’re adopting from China, that doesn’t mean she will be good at math.

I know as an adoptive parent I’m not supposed to say that we “rescued” our kid. Actually, we rescued each other. We are the family we are because of my daughter, both of my daughters (and I love the family that we are). I will always strive to do more to connect her with her culture and heritage, but for the time being, she’s in a good place—and so are we…and yes, if it wasn’t us, she likely would have been matched up with a different family, but I think she did OK landing with us. If not, at least she’s not alone—her little sister got screwed too.

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