Managing My Fears as a Parent

By

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May 29, 2017

Am I alone in experiencing fear like I never had before since having children? I wouldn’t describe my pre-child self as fearless or reckless, but when I look back at some of my choices through “mom lenses” I now would be so angry with my kids for taking those unnecessary risks, and I don’t just mean the risk of physical injury. Is it age that makes us wiser, or is it that we now have little lives that we value more than anything else in this world that makes us so much more in tune with the dangers around every corner?

I didn’t use to consider myself overly emotional but now find it difficult to read the newspapers or even my Facebook feed because it is peppered with stories of children who have been abducted or abused. I can feel the tears streaming down my face just reading the headlines . . . Toddler Beaten to Death by Babysitter, Child Left to Die in Car Seat at Daycare, Child Abducted by Estranged Father, Toddler Sexually Abused by Neighbor, etc. I check in on my children numerous times a day even though I know they are perfectly safe. I spend my free time perusing the sex offender registry to see who may be lurking near our home, my child’s school, and places they play. These are just the things that I have some control over, but what about all the things that could happen that I don’t?

I am not one to assume the worst, or get caught up in the “what if’s”, but there are seemingly endless crowd-sourcing pages set up for children with life-threatening illnesses, or who have suffered catastrophic injuries. My heart truly aches for these families in a way that I never imagined possible, and I put myself in their shoes and wonder if I could make it through something like that. When I am not worried about something happening to them, I fear that something could happen to me and that I wouldn’t be here to protect them. Sometimes it is utterly exhausting being this scared all the time, and I wonder in every happy minute of my life if something disastrous is about to take all of that away.

Other questions that constantly run through my head . . .
Will they have learning difficulties? Will they be bullied? Will they have a hard time making friends? Will they feel different? Will they be depressed, or have low self-esteem? Will I come home one day to find that my child had been secretly suffering and taken his own life? These are not crazy or far-fetched scenarios, and it has unfortunately become far too common.

This list is by no means exhaustive, and I am sure there are some even more unlikely fears that have played out in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have an anxiety problem, and I am a relatively upbeat and positive person, but these fears are literally another parent’s reality.

I know that I can’t let my fear affect my parenting, or let it trickle down to my kids. I want them to live life fully, and without fear of normal life changes and experiences. I am fine taking on the responsibility of their protector and I don’t want them to miss out because something may be challenging or have an inherent danger. Life is an adventure and fear can be crippling. I know that until they have children of their own they won’t fully understand why I am so protective, or why I worry about them constantly.

I try my best to count my blessings as my babies sleep in their warm safe beds, having made it through another day.

I retrain my thoughts to all of the endless potentials that they have and the full lives that I hope lay ahead of them. I know that I can only control so much, so I protect them the best I can and make sure that they never question the depths of my love for them, no matter what. That is really the best any of us can do in this scary world.

Do you experience fear as a parent? How do you manage those fears?

How to Host a Successful Garage Sale!

By

Michelle MD

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May 28, 2017

Summertime is garage sale time! I like to stop at garage sales while I’m out and about. I enjoy having them as well. Over the years I’ve learned a few things about how to host a successful sale and if you plan carefully and follow a few easy steps you can have a successful sale, too!

CHOOSE DATES: Decide when you’d like to host your sale. You can start as early in the week as Wednesday. I typically do Thursday – Saturday. Do what works for you, it’s your sale. You can also go to the neighbors and ask if they’d like to have a sale as well. Block sales ROCK! For everyone! You’ll get much more traffic with a block sale, or a neighborhood sale. Coordinating available dates may be a challenge but I promise you it’ll be worth the minor hassle.

GATHER: Go through your house, garage, basement, and gather up everything that is no longer useful to you, things the kids no longer play with, clothing that no longer fits, etc. Make sure your items are CLEAN, unbroken, free of stains and not missing any pieces.

PRICING: Listen closely to me right now . . . You MUST price everything. With clear, easy to read labels or signs. I can’t tell you how many sales I’ve walked away from because nothing was priced and the seller was too busy to give me that information. While we’re at it, please make your prices reasonable. I guarantee nobody cares what you paid retail. The better your prices, the less you’ll have to pack up afterward. Also on the topic of prices, be prepared for HAGGLERS! They will come, they always do. And they will wheel n deal to save a buck. You need to decide right from the start how you plan to handle them. Decide which prices are negotiable and which are firm. Then be ready to stand your ground. This is YOUR sale, YOUR time, YOUR say!

PRESENTATION: Use folding tables, laundry baskets, even an old door laid across two saw horses to set out your items. Neatly fold clothing and stack by size and gender. Group similar items together, use baggies for smaller items. Be mindful of electronics, record albums, CD’s, DVD’s, video games, etc. and be sure to place them where they won’t be in direct sunlight. I like to keep all those things, glass items, kitchen wares and anything delicate INSIDE the garage on a table near where I have myself stationed. This way I can keep them safe. Remember: anything you have on or close to the ground is TODDLER BAIT! Larger toys, bikes, scooters, furniture are best out front. They can serve to attract shoppers.

ADVERTISEMENT: Social media is a great place to advertise your sale. Local swap pages on Facebook, for instance. Post an ad on Craig’s List. Don’t forget the signs. Write clearly and large enough for people to read as they drive past. Your signs should have all the pertinent information: WHAT: Garage Sale, Yard Sale, Rummage Sale, Block Sale. WHERE: Your address, block, subdivision. WHEN: What time will you open and close? DAYS: You don’t necessarily need the dates, just the days, this way you can reuse your signs another time if you choose. Post your signs on every major cross street and corner leading to your sale. I like to add a couple balloons tied onto the mailbox.

EXTRAS: If it’s a really hot day I have a cooler full of ice with bottled waters for sale! My kid also gets in on the action and likes to host a lemonade and candy stand. It’s great way to include the kids, and BONUS: they get to practice making change, counting, adding . . . all the math! Another way to include the kids and to get them to give up their prized possessions is to give them a percentage of the profits. (Just don’t let them be in charge of pricing! One Hot Wheel car will end up at $6, or 27 books for a quarter. Bless their little giant hearts.)

MONEY: Make sure you have loads of singles and change when you begin. You’d be surprised how quickly you go through it. I also like to keep a tally in a notebook. I write down the items and how much they sold for.

One last thing, whenever possible have another adult with you during your sales. Another adult is an extra set of eyes when you have multiple shoppers perusing your treasures. That extra adult also comes in handy when you have small children who may need your attention or when you need to use the little mommy’s room.

Did I leave anything out? Nahhhhh! Go! Have a great sale!

In Defense of Sharing: It Still Matters

By

chelguild

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May 24, 2017

There have been several articles and viral social media posts making the rounds lately promoting the idea that kids shouldn’t be forced to share. While I am all for teaching our children autonomy and boundaries (and I will be the first to say that my son’s most coveted items stay safely at home), there’s more at stake by discouraging our kids from sharing than we may realize.

Sharing becomes easier with practice, but it isn’t as much of a learned behavior as you might think. A series of experiments revealed that children initiate the behaviors of showing and giving on their own accord as early as 12 months of age. Researchers call this “partner play,” otherwise known as sharing. This means that humans want to share, and given that we are social animals, it’s an incredibly important skill to develop. It teaches us to compromise, negotiate, and cope with disappointment.

Not sharing spurs divisiveness. In a study, participants were observed in this way: Some children were given candy that they could choose whether or not to share. They were called givers. Other children were given a crayon. They were called receivers. The receivers responded to the fairness or unfairness of a situation with retaliation (meaning they would withhold the crayon), without any prompting from adults. Whether my child is on the giving or receiving end in a real life situation, it’s my responsibility to show him the benefits to both being generous and also not making decisions out of spite.

Some argue that life isn’t fair, and that we shouldn’t be preoccupied with total fairness in a communal play setting. My child should have to wait (a skill that comes from a part of the brain not developed until the teen years) until your child is done playing with the toy car, which may be never, and I should just deal with it. The sooner we all learn how unfair life is, the better, right? Our children will have plenty of opportunities to learn that without our assistance. We’re not going to protect our children’s hearts by hardening them. Consider your worst enemy for a moment. Would tensions be lessened if that person allowed him or herself to be more vulnerable, open, loving and . . . reciprocal?

Perhaps a better solution would be to allow each child to play with the item for an equal amount of time, or take the toy out of the equation altogether. Some parents feel their children should be able to bring any toy they want to, say, a crowded park and should not have to share with strangers. I personally wouldn’t bring the item at all. It’s not necessary, for one thing, and Santa isn’t always able to be as abundant in his gift giving with all children equally. So if an argument for non-sharing is building a child’s self-esteem by giving them the confidence to say no, in this situation, I’d say non-sharing has the potential to break the other child down. Clearly, the second child wasn’t as deserving or Santa would have brought it for him, too.

It’s also really important that we acknowledge how faulty many of the examples given in these viral articles are. One hypothetical adult walks up to another one and takes something directly out of her hands. Proponents of non-sharing suggest that if we wouldn’t stand for that kind of behavior ourselves, why would we expect our kids to? Firstly, we expect children to do a lot of things that adults don’t have to do, often because we’re using every opportunity in their little lives to teach them about the greater implications of their choices. So might it be better to teach peaceful conflict resolution techniques instead of teaching them to build a wall? Secondly, the examples describe theft, and it’s not exactly how sharing in a children’s communal setting works. More often, kids are encouraged to take turns with toys that don’t belong to them in the first place (take a classroom setting, for example).

Adult examples also aren’t congruent with a child’s brain development. The human brain fully matures around age 25. By then, we understand right from wrong, we know how to be patient, we know how to ask permission, and some of us know how to handle rejection in a civil manner. How do you think we learned all of this? Likely, we learned by doing. We learned by duking it out with our siblings and getting into squabbles with friends. We learned by positive or negative reinforcement. We watched the successes and failures of adults in our lives and copied them.

Would I share my sandwich or my cell phone with an adult (even a stranger) if he politely asked me today? I would and I have, and I haven’t felt taken advantage of for doing so. I’m choosing to teach my son to do unto others as he would have done to him despite the outcome, because kindness, empathy, and compassion matter. And it all begins with a little sharing.

Preschool at Home: A DIY Guide

By

Lindsey

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May 24, 2017

Preschool. A seemingly harmless word, but it can send even the most zen parent into a panic attack. I’ve been an early childhood educator for 10 years, teaching Pre-K through first grade, but I didn’t truly realize how stressful and consuming it is to make the “right” choices for your child’s education until I became a parent.

And there are so many choices we have to make. When should my child start day-care or preschool and where should they go? Public versus private school? What the heck are all these different philosophies and what do they mean? What’s the best way to ensure my child is ready for kindergarten? And then when you finally DO make a choice, you’re faced with competition, wait lists, and school-zoning roadblocks.

Before you get ready to pack up your family and move to the side of a mountain, grow your own food, and home school your child forever (don’t get me wrong, not a bad choice and one we have definitely considered!) take a deep breath. There are lots of great options out there, and if you don’t get into the preschool of your dreams or decide to hold off on preschool entirely there are lots of ways to incorporate the “nuts and bolts” of preschool into your days at home. And the good news is they’re (mostly) free, and you’re already probably doing a lot of them! If you’re ready to add some “DIY preschool” into your child’s days, it can totally be done with a little commitment and planning.

It can be pretty overwhelming to know where to start (have you done a Pinterest search for preschool activities!? So. Many. Pins.) so I’m here to help!

This first post will be an overview into those “nuts and bolts” that you’ll want to schedule into your child’s day on a regular basis, and we’ll dive a little deeper into them over the next few months. But I promise to keep it light, fun, and most importantly, EASY.

The following are things that any good preschool teacher will make sure are included in a typical day to help support a child’s development. And if your child isn’t quite preschool age yet you can still use a version of them, “DIY preschool” is regularly in session for my 17-month-old (child of a teacher!).

Reading

This is absolutely number one. If you do NOTHING else, read to your child, read to your child, and then read to them some more. As a former kindergarten and first-grade teacher I can not tell you what a difference this will make in your child’s ability to learn to read themselves. We will dive much deeper into making the most out of reading to and with your child, but make it a part of your day, and not just at bedtime! Mealtimes, cuddle times, in the car, at a restaurant, read a book to your kiddo! And give them LOTS of time to explore books on their own, too.

Sensory Activities

Ah, this is a hard one. As parents we can be hesitant to give our kids materials we know will be messy, but daily sensory activities are wonderful learning tools. Through exploring materials (like sand, rice, paint, water) with a few simple tools kids are perfecting their scientific thinking and math skills. Who knew splashing in water was such a profound learning experience? But it totally is.

Sneak in Math

Guess what? Your day is packed with opportunities to sneak in a quick math lesson or two! Snack time? Count out goldfish crackers as you put them on your little one’s plate. Cleaning up? Sort toys by color or shape. Making counting, sorting and patterning a part of your daily routine helps your child have a strong foundation for school.

Foster Independence

A huge part of preschool is learning to be a responsible member of a community. It’s never too early to empower your child to help with simple chores and tasks, and take pride in caring for their space. Yes, it’s always faster to just clean up yourself (and that’s just fine sometimes too!) but taking the time to encourage your child to help will prepare them for school, where they will be asked to clean up. And your house will be a little more tidy. Win win!

Play!

I debated even adding this one, but it is so essential for development! It’s the easiest one to plan and include, and no doubt you’re already doing it! Independent unstructured play is always a huge part of the preschool day, with materials available for children to use their imagination through pretend play and time to build with blocks, explore, and create with art materials.

Get Out and About

Taking a class or two can go a long way in preparing your little one for school. A music or yoga class, story-time or swim class are all great ways to expose your child to the basics of participating in a group setting. Providing fun outings can also fuel your child’s learning, a trip to the zoo could be the starting point for lots of fun at home, from tigers in your sensory bin to new books at read and enjoy. And extending those fun outings at home helps your child make some great connections and discoveries.

Stay tuned for more ideas for creating an awesome preschool experience right at home in the coming months!

What I Learned from Giving Birth

By

Christina

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May 23, 2017

There is nothing like a pregnancy announcement to bring the birth stories out of the woodwork, amirite? Why is it that everyone who volunteers their birth story to an unwitting expectant mother has THE WORST story ever – 42 hours of labor, complications, emergency c-sections. Sometimes you just want to say:

In comparison, I had it pretty easy – short labor, lots of pain, healthy babies. Of course, all discussions with a pregnant woman must also include a generous dose of advice, solicited or otherwise. Consider this the best of both worlds; here is what I learned from giving birth.

Don’t move close to your due date.

Even if all you do is lift throw pillows, moving will induce labor. Some women swear by pineapple or magical chicken parmesan or spicy food. To heck with that, I say all you need to do is pack up your entire household and relocate it. That, my friends, will surely put things in motion.

I know nothing about my body.

Like most of the television viewing audience, when “I didn’t know I was pregnant” debuted, I couldn’t believe that someone could a.) not realize that they were pregnant, and more specifically, b.) not realize they were in labor. I mean, it hurts, right? How could you miss that? Everyone knows their body well enough to recognize the signs of labor! Me in particular, I had read the book! Obviously, I would know when I was in labor. Nope. After eating too much pizza, I figured my stomach ache and nausea was indigestion, so was I ever surprised when my water broke.

Timing is everything.

I will preface this by saying I had no delusions of grandeur when it came to childbirth. In no uncertain terms, I was getting the drugs. Here’s the thing about an epidural, it takes some time to take effect. In a hypothetical scenario whereby you arrive at the hospital well advanced in labor, you may not have time to get an epidural. In fact, you may sign the waiver and speak to the anesthesiologist and see the glorious IV bag full of the sweet nectar which could help dull the excruciating pain. And then your doctor may just explain that the baby will be there before the epidural will kick in. Subsequently, you may or may not sob like the baby you are about to welcome into the world. That may or may not happen to you, which leads me to my next tip . . .

Pay attention in childbirth class.

I was so sure I was going to get an epidural that when our instructor showed us breathing exercises and different positions that would help reduce pain during natural childbirth, I played with the Play-Doh instead of paying attention. That means that when it was time to “breathe through the pain,” I was ill-prepared to do so. Thank God for the nurses.

I learned nothing.

As it turns out, I didn’t learn much about childbirth the first time around. I know this because I did it again the following year, and almost managed to mess it up again. I would not be making the same mistake twice, so I didn’t feel the need to study up on natural childbirth, just in case. Thankfully, I had more traditional signs of labor the second time around. As it turned out though, I didn’t know what to do with this information. Ultimately, it was my loving baby-daddy who instructed me to get into the car to go to the hospital because apparently, he reads the signs of labor better than I do. The second time around, I arrived at the hospital just over an hour before my gal arrived, rather than the minutes I had previously. This extra time afforded me the luxury to realize what was about to happen and then, of course, to panic. I also had time for the epidural, and boy oh boy did that make the rest easier. I guess I did learn one thing because once again, the nurses. Dana, you were my rock.

You have to go home.

Eventually, you have to leave the hospital (or in some cases, the comforting embrace of your midwife or doula). Remember that stuff about the nurses? Yeah, you don’t get to take them with you.

As it turns out, my advice may not be that helpful to anyone. The one thing I was prepared for was the overwhelming, breathtaking love I felt when I saw my daughters. So maybe even though I know nothing about my body, I do know something about my heart.

With each of my gals just after they were born.

Focusing on the Future Gets Me Get Through Parenting Challenges

By

sarahblalock

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May 23, 2017

I don’t have to tell you that life with small children can get . . . difficult . . . at times. Throw in two parents with full-time jobs, random snow days, sick days, sports, after-school activities, doctor visits, and errands and it can sometimes feel like a little like drowning. I’ll admit, there are weeks where I’ve felt that I’m barely keeping my head above water.

To complicate matters, I feel like so many people tell parents that we should be living in the present, focusing on “now”, and cherishing each and every beautiful little moment. “Time flies,” they say. “Enjoy every second!” But when your kids are very young (and probably even after that), plenty of those moments are something less than beautiful. Sometimes they’re downright frustrating.

I love my children, and I hate when they are sick, or hurt, or sad. And I know that I’m lucky to have three healthy children. But I can’t help but get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when things start to go south in our house because I know that with every minor emergency or the first sign of sickness, our lives are about to go into upheaval.

As an example, a few months ago, our family of five were in the midst of a bout of illnesses that at the time seemed never-ending. It started with a sniffle and the dominoes fell in a swoop from there. In a week’s time, we had three nasty chest colds, one stomach bug, two trips to urgent care, and three cases of pinkeye. Of course, all of this required my husband and I to make alternative arrangements for childcare. Plenty of noses were wiped, epic eye-drop battles fought, and tears shed in that week. It got pretty overwhelming, and there was little about it that I would consider beautiful.

Kids get sick. Babies have growth spurts and trouble sleeping. Toddlers go through phases where they are downright cranky for days. Weeks like this aren’t uncommon for most parents – it’s part of the deal. But they can certainly wear you down, and it’s hard not to feel helpless at times. After all, love them as we do, we’re at the mercy of these tiny humans for a long time!

So How do I Tackle these Parenting Challenges?

There was a time in my career when I was in court almost every day, for one reason or another. While I loved it, there were weeks when it seemed like I had an ocean of work and no way to cross it. Rather than panic, I focused on the future. Not the far-off future, but the “next-week” future. I would think about the fact that by next week, most of the things I was worried about would be in the past. Somehow anytime I felt like drowning, that made it a heck of a lot easier to swim.

As a mother, I’ve found myself coming back to this strategy more and more. Whenever things get difficult, or my life seems hard to control, I focus on the short-term future. These small chunks of time seem easier to handle, like a quick walk rather than a marathon. I’m not wishing away time, I’m just thinking about it in smaller increments.

Now, when I wake in the night to the sound of coughing coming from one of the kids’ bedrooms, I still get that sinking feeling in my stomach. And when I get a call from the daycare in the middle of the day that someone needs to pick up my son because he’s running a temperature, I still wonder when the other shoe will drop. Are the girls going to get sick too? Am I going to catch it or is Mike going to catch it??

But in the midst of it all, I stop and take a breath, and focus on the future. The “next week” future. Because next week, just seven short days from now, this will most likely all be just a memory. Sure, it won’t be one of those beautiful ones. But next week, if we’re lucky, all of this will be behind us and we’ll move on to something else.

Next week, we can make some of those beautiful memories. Maybe we’ll even go to the zoo.

Hello Softer Hair with Eva NYC Clean It Up Shampoo + Conditioner!

By

Elizabeth Lewis

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May 22, 2017

This post is sponsored by Eva NYC. As always, all opinions expressed are my own.

There’s no denying I am a huge Costco fan! So when I had the opportunity to try out the Eva NYC Clean It Up line or it was at Costco, I was beyond excited and quite hopeful. They pretty much had me at paraben free, free of phosphates and Argan oil. It doesn’t get any better, does it?!

Since my hair is hard to tame I’m constantly on the hunt for the perfect shampoo/condition combo that won’t break the bank. I’ll be honest, it’s hard. Extremely hard. My hair is thick. At times uncontrollably thick. Everything usually costs an arm and a leg or it’s full of chemicals because we compromised on the price. Sadly, I can feel the difference between the two. Well, I am here to tell you that Eva NYC Clean It Up Line didn’t disappoint. I was pleasantly surprised at how amazing my hair felt. It didn’t feel heavy and dry. It felt softer, cleaner and more manageable. To top it off I could wash my hair the night before, go to sleep and wake up with it feeling the exact same way it did the night before. Then throw a curling iron into the mix and whoa, I could actually tame this mane.

And I was pretty intrigued by their promise:

The Eva NYC Clean It Up Shampoo gently cleanses, restores and nourishes hair. Argan oil feeds hair with vitamins and nutrients, while Keravis™ protein complex delivers optimal anti-breakage benefits and is scientifically proven to triple the strength of hair. The result is stronger, healthier, softer hair. Keravis™ protein complex is scientifically proven to deliver 3X stronger hair and Argan oil is a rich source of Vitamins A & E and Omegas 3, 6, 9 Free of parabens, phosphates, mineral oils, not tested on animals.

It seems as though the older I get the more aware I become of what I put in or on my body. So for me, this was important. I wanted something that was somewhat chemical free and still felt good on my hair. I need the suds in order for my hair to feel clean. I’ve tried chemical free ones in the past and they just didn’t do it. This did and my hair felt so clean! The clean that you want to keep running your hands through but know you shouldn’t. You know, that clean.

Not only has it become my new favorite shampoo and conditioner I don’t feel guilty buying it. It’s a product I can use on my entire family. The toddler included. The giant bottles are available for ONLY $7.99, a $19.99 value, from 5/18/17 – 6/4/17. Plus, if you have the Ibotta or Shopkick apps on your phone, you can find additional savings! You can bet you’ll find this on my weekly shopping list for Costco. How could you resist such a deal?!

If you can’t grab it in store, you can order from Costco.com with free shipping! This product is ONLY offered through Costco, so you need to grab it now!

Once you try it out, let us know what you think!

How to be a Perfect Mom in 4 Easy Steps

By

kellyhouseman

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May 21, 2017

My obsession with chasing perfection happened long before my son was born. I would read all the fashion blogs and beauty magazines and look for inspiration to make my life prettier. Endless hours wasted on articles that taught me what I needed to tweak and exactly what products I could purchase to make the new and improved me unrecognizable to my friends and family.

Let me tell you chasing perfection pre-kids is nothing compared to how perfect you are supposed to look once you have them. Not only do we need to have six-pack abs three days after giving birth, but our children have to be child models with stain, smudge, and dirt free designer clothing that costs no less than 5 times as much as mom and dad’s. Nothing less than runway ready at all times.

My house has to look like I don’t have children and God forbid his set of Legos makes it into the family picture, then it certainly must be scrapped. No dishes, messes, laundry, spills, children’s toys, children’s books, children’s artwork or children’s furniture may ever litter the child filled house.

Who are “they” that made some of this stuff normal in society? We can blame celebrities, certain mommy bloggers and the advertising industry, but the sad thing is many of us moms feel pressure to live up to these ridiculous standards. Its time to stop this insanity!

I’ve come up with my own checklist on being a perfect mom if you care to join:

How to have a perfect body: If you woke up today breathing and alive you’re pretty close to being there already. I get that we all have parts that we don’t love, but most of the time we don’t give enough credit where it’s due. Our arms are strong from carrying babies, our heads are held high from knowing we are raising impressive human beings and our legs can outrun a toddler at warp speed. Change what you can if you really want to but give yourself permission to be happy with who you are in this moment too.

How to have a perfect child: Your child is already perfectly matched to you mama. Even in their mistakes and spills and messes there is beauty to be found. What is perfect about kids is their ability to see the world through these huge, inquisitive eyes and call it like they see it.

If I’m having a rough day I try to look at the world through my son’s eyes and it always takes me back to a time of innocence and wonder. Even when he refuses a nap, spills a box of cereal on the floor, breaks my favorite necklace and then falls into a mud puddle (all of which have indeed happened in one day) I try to find the humor and wonder in it. He may not be a perfect kid but I wouldn’t love him any more if he were.

What really happens when you try to take a “perfect” Christmas picture

How to have a perfect home: As cliché as it sounds home is where the heart is. Whether living in a cozy apartment or a sprawling mansion home is sanctuary from the chaos in the world. It doesn’t take much to decorate. Put up some pictures and artwork that make you smile, fill it with board games and books you all love, finally organize that overflowing closet.

Don’t worry about the mess. Life is inherently messy. A true friend won’t care if they have to step over dried up Cheerios and dodge still wet paint splatters to make it to your couch. Besides there’s probably a bottle of wine waiting for their obstacle course efforts!

How to have a perfect life. First things first stop chasing a perfect life. Even if you were to spend 24 hours as your favorite celebrity sure you’d get some cool perks but you’d also have to take all the negatives that come along with it too. Some people will show you their seemingly unflawed life through social medial. Please don’t forget to realize that it’s filtered literally and figuratively. We don’t see what really goes on, the low points, the struggles, the bad days. It is an image and a moment in time that may have taken hundreds of pictures and lots of staging to create.

Here’s to all of us living perfectly imperfect lives and loving (mostly) every minute.

Take The Girls’ Weekend

By

Kelsie Rodriguez

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May 20, 2017

I remember sitting in the back seat of a cab, looking at the open front door of my house, where my 18-month-old son was standing with my husband blowing kisses as the driver pulled away. I was en route to L.A. to visit a friend for four nights away from my baby, the longest I’d ever been away from him times two. I tried to keep up my end of the conversation with the driver over the lump in my throat and the thoughts racing through my head: Why did I think four nights would be ok? What if he gets sick? What if he decides to wean while I’m gone? What if, what if, what if? Four days later, when my son welcomed me home, I got my answers to these questions and more: It. Was. Completely. Fine.

If visiting Harry Potter World as an adult is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

I discovered that having a weekend away is like the Gestalt principle, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” One baby-free trip is more than the 4 dinners + 1 movie + 1 concert + 4 late-night conversations + 2 flights to read uninterrupted + 3 mornings of hot coffee + 20 times in and out of the car without fussing with a car seat. Together these luxuries, some large and others almost imperceptible, create something bigger: a real break. Not a few hours to quickly run some errands while your mom can watch the baby, or finally, a date night with your husband, after which you have to wake up early anyway, because it turns out being hungover and being a mom are not mutually exclusive. During a weekend away, the hours stretch out leisurely ahead of you, free of the constant-ness of parenting. How long would it otherwise take me to have all of those experiences listed above (the dinners, the movie, the concert, etc.), baby-free? Weeks? Months? A year?

There will always be a long list of reasons not to do something, especially something we can convince ourselves is selfish. I wondered if the time was right, if my son was too young, if he was in a developmental phase where this would traumatize him for life. I thought, “Maybe if I wasn’t still breastfeeding it would be easier to go,” or “Maybe if I wasn’t used to staying home with him every day.” But I eventually admitted to myself that there is never a perfect scenario to justify taking a trip for yourself. I imagine it will always feel inconvenient (at best) or scary to leave him.

I’m sure my friend would have understood if I had taken a shorter trip or if we had made it a family vacation so that I wouldn’t be away from my son. But there is something special about having that length of time together to stay up way too late laughing and reminiscing and making new inside jokes. How often do I get to be a good friend these days? It’s more likely that I’m canceling plans because of a sick child or that I simply don’t have the energy to cater to people other than my son, my husband, and once in a while, myself. A solo trip gives you the chance to reconnect with yourself – not just who you used to be, but who you still are in addition to being a mom. I promise, that person is still in there, she might just need a little nudge.

A caveat: As with all things parent-related, everyone’s experience is different. Maybe the timing truly isn’t right for you. If, in this chapter of motherhood, the thought of going away gives you significantly more anxiety than excitement, always, always, always do what you feel is best. But if you’re reading this and you feel a pull to do something for yourself (because it’s probably long overdue) – go for it. My guess is it will be completely fine.

I’ll Take My Coffee With Cream, Not Pity

By

Jamie Freeman

-

May 18, 2017

Take a breath and imagine the following scenario as if you are one of the parents.

You are at an event with a ton of kids. Your best mama friends are there, it’s early, and you all have a steaming coffee in your hands. It’s a sunny, early Spring day and your kids are playing with your friend’s kids. The littles are having an absolute blast as they giggle and play with rocks. You and your friends are laughing, relaxing, and enjoying the luxury of adult company during a few moments of bliss where all your little ones are content and entertained. Your fellow adult types and you are laughing away at the latest story one of you is sharing when someone interrupts you.

Another mom, sobbing so much she can barely speak, walks up and says,

This is so sad. I just don’t know how you all do it. How do you cope? I am so sorry!

The part of this story that I left out is that all the women enjoying life and sipping coffee just so happen to all have children with Down syndrome. They were at a charity event raising money for (insert name here), and this actually happened. My friend Christine and her beautiful, healthy, happy, brilliant little girl Emma were there. Christine was one of the happy, content mamas enjoying her coffee and Emma was one of the giggling kiddos playing with rocks.

I wish I could write this instance off as just one person who acted inappropriately, but I can’t. As a mama to a handsome little dude with Down syndrome, I know this situation to be a regular happening all too well.

It happens at the doctor’s office in the eyes of fellow parents tearing up as they look at my son.

It happens at the grocery store when I’m doing everything in my power to keep my kids entertained so they don’t have a complete meltdown before I get through most of my list, and the cashier suddenly asks, “Did you know when you were pregnant? Oh my God, you did? Why did you decide to keep him?”

It happens every single time someone at any random place says, “I’m so sorry!”

I get it. I remember what life was like three and a half years ago before having a child with special needs. I remember not knowing what to say in awkward situations. I remember not getting it, and I understand being in that situation. What I don’t understand is how you can miss the good. I don’t understand how someone can completely miss the beauty in a simple moment of calm and decide these people need to be pitied. That these people are living unbearable lives.

We are NOT pity cases. Friends, we are “The Lucky Few.” We are the parents who get a rare glimpse into how much beauty comes from adversity. We are the parents who have the honor to parent a child that shows us the beauty in being different. We are the parents that understand the value of a milestone. We are the parents that get a rare opportunity to see the world through the eyes of someone with a disability. While this might sound like something to be pitied to you, for us it is the greatest gift we have ever been given. For us, having a child with a disability is the greatest blessing we never knew we wanted.

On top of all of that, we are also just parents who may be having a rare moment where they can actually finish a cup of coffee while it is still hot. We are just parents enjoying a beautiful moment where everyone is happy and calm and we can enjoy a little adult conversation. We are just parents, who are smiling and laughing, that should not have to have someone tell them that somehow the world thinks their life is a tragedy to be pitied.

We are parents, just like you, that love our children. We get annoyed by our children, frustrated with our children, and still love them just like you. We are more alike than different, and we need you to remember that.

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you see a parent of a child with special needs somewhere, do that parent a solid and treat them the same way you would treat any other mother or father. If you want to say something to them, great, but how about trying this.

“Your little one is absolutely adorable. You’re doing a great job Mama/Dad!”

Detroit Mom