When you’re on an airplane, they go through all the safety information before taking off. The first rule is something along the lines of “if the airplane is crashing, put your oxygen mask on first before helping someone else.” Taking care of yourself first. 

Or maybe you have heard that you cannot pour from an empty cup. You need to take care of yourself first, before taking care of someone else. But here’s the thing. My cup is always empty, yet I give and give, do and do. Why? Because I cannot say no, I say yes too much, to the wrong things. 

Recently, the emptiness of my cup has been obvious. I am behind in everything, running literally on empty. My lack of sleep has been so noticeable, one of my students asked me if I had been crying because my undereye circles are THAT bad. (They are normally bad . . . but were exceptionally bad on this day.) 

The lowest point was at my son’s baseball games a few weeks ago. I was selfishly thinking about how long I “have” to be there, (6 hours! He was playing a doubleheader). Growing grouchy and anxious because I was preoccupied with my growing to do list. The more I thought about it the longer it got. Mentally punishing myself for not getting as much done before baseball as I wanted. 

This stress was starting to get to me, to the point that I was quietly crying while sitting on the sidelines. (Yes, I am that hot mess mom.) My mom offered to help, to watch my son after baseball, help me plan or clean. I quickly said no, I could do it. I turned down help I desperately needed; she already helps me so much, I couldn’t ask her to do more.

My planner stays jam-packed with work commitments, to-dos, and the mommy stuff. Bursting with the extra things that I have taken on: extra shifts at work, compiling ideas together for a work project, or baking three dozen cookies for my son’s school. 

With the holiday’s inching closer, a feeling a dread sets in. The holidays always mean more of everything. BUT, this holiday season, I am making an early resolution. I am putting my foot down and making filling my cup back up a priority. Giving myself permission to mentally let go of this self-imposed pressure to do it all. 

I am going to start by filling my empty cup back up. Repeating these “mantras” daily . . . okay, maybe multiple times a day! 

It is okay for me to say no because I don’t have the time. 

It is okay to say no without an excuse. (Literally- just saying NO is a-okay.)

It is okay for me to accept help.

It is okay to me to just want to go to bed early. 

I do not need to sacrifice myself to make some else happy. 

It is okay, to take a deep breath and just be. Fill that cup to the brim, preferably with coffee. Lots of coffee. 

My daughter recently turned 4. With this age brings along a whole new level of play. When she isn’t playing hair salon, she’s playing barbies, baby dolls, or princesses. Our playroom is engulfed in everything “girl”. Yesterday I watched her set up all of her barbies to watch her put on a ballet performance. She was wearing a bright pink tutu, a “Girls Rule the Universe” t-shirt and tool belt. 

At 4 year’s old meshing her girly side with her tough side is common nature. They often go hand-in-hand at this age. It’s something she does every day. One moment she is in a tiara and dress, and the next she is having a wrestling match with her dad while wearing the tiara and dress. When I ask her what she played while at preschool she tells me: “During free play, I played princesses. When we were in the gym I played ninjas.” I wouldn’t want her to be any other way.

The innocence at this age is the best part. There’s no urge to choose whether you want to be a princess or superhero. It’s whatever her 4-year-old heart desires at that moment. Or what her classmate suggests playing! There’s no burden. But I do know that this won’t always be the case. The innocence of childhood will wear off and someone will make her think otherwise. 

I want her to know that she can embrace every fancy and girly aspect of life. She can purchase all the beauty products in the world, wear high heels because they make you feel good, and collect a stack of fashion magazines. To know that she can do all these things while maintaining her strength, all in one breath. She can swap those heels for a cape any day, or better yet – wear them both together. I encourage her to embrace both sides. 

I want her to know it’s okay to be pro-princess and search for her knight in shining armor all while fighting for her rights. Don’t let others make her think otherwise. She can be as feminine as she chooses all while being a strong independent woman. My hope is that I have set that stage for her, but as she will slowly find out with age, society may not always be ready for it. In society, she will find that some people will make her think that she may only be one or the other. And I say to her: don’t let this stop you.

I’m not saying that she has to conquer the world one day, though her dad and I dream of her doing so. And I know that there will be people there to support her no matter what. In our current society, women must stand-up and fight for themselves. I want my daughters to know that they can do this all while wearing that pink sparkling dress.  

So remember that no matter what comes your way in life you can always shatter the glass ceiling while wearing glass slippers. 

For several years now, I’ve been in a long-term relationship with an Android – the smart phone variety. And while I was unsure of its necessity, in the beginning, I’ve come to rely on it so much that I feel like it’s a natural extension of my arm.

Look, I know that there’s a lot of judgment out there when it comes to the whole “mom-holding-her-phone” thing. But for the most part, I think it’s a bunch of baloney. The smart phone is one of the best things to ever happen to motherhood, and I’m not going to lock mine up in a cabinet anytime soon.

Our smart phones allow us to do so much more than just flip through Facebook. Mine allows me to juggle work, childcare, and keep in touch with friends and family, all from the palm of my hand. Sure, mindlessly scrolling social media can be tempting, but there’s a lot more to them than that.

Smart phones allow us to stay connected at a time in our lives when those connections matter most. Motherhood can be lonely, even though it seems as though you’re never alone. When times are tough, there’s a lot to be said for being able to text a friend or three to commiserate about the daily grind. No one quite understands the humor in a diaper explosion like a fellow mom. And as a working mom, my phone helps to keep me connected to my spouse – we might even text more than we talk, and that’s mostly because our time alone together is so limited. That .GIF feature on most messaging apps? It’s been a game-changer for sharing the perils and pratfalls of parenting. If a picture says a thousand words, a .gif or a well-selected emoji speaks volumes.

Aside from keeping me connected, my smart phone is the only reason I take so many pictures of my kids. Before I had a smart phone, I had a camera. It was a nice little digital point-and-shoot that my mom bought me as a gift before my wedding. I used it to take photos of wedding venues and dresses. Then I took it on our honeymoon and took hundreds of beautiful photos of Maui. And then it sat in its case collecting dust. For years. I’m not a natural photographer, and I’m definitely not the type to stop the action to get the perfect shot. But my smartphone allows me to record my life in pictures in a way my camera never could. It’s always in my hand or my pocket, enabling me to photograph everything from life’s little moments to random recipes I find in magazines while waiting at the hair salon. Without my phone, I’d be lost.

I can also appreciate the freedom offered by smart phones. In the past, Google and my ability to communicate via text and email from virtually anywhere have saved me more than once on the job. My husband relies on his phone to communicate with co-workers and clients on a daily basis – just because we are at home or out at the zoo, doesn’t mean work stops. Sure, you could do the same from a computer, but a smart phone puts the world in your pocket, and that’s so much more convenient.

Despite my undying love for my phone, I do have limits. I don’t like to talk on my phone while checking out at a store, and I try my best not to use it during dinner at home. I very rarely let my children play with it, saving that tactic for dire emergencies when I need to distract them from a meltdown.

Recently, I saw a post on social media featuring a photo of a mom at an airport, scrolling through her phone while her baby laid on a blanket on the floor. As they often do, the pearl-clutching mom-shamers descended on this poor woman like vultures, berating her parenting and shrieking about her poor neglected baby. These were Internet strangers who knew absolutely nothing about this mom, her baby, or their situation in that moment. In fact, as the woman later revealed, she and her babe had been stuck in the airport for 20 hours, and baby was finally getting a chance to stretch out while mom texted updates to family and friends about their situation.

The thing is, when you see a mom (or dad) on their phone, you just don’t know what they’re doing or why. And it’s none of your business. Smart phones are here to stay, and I for one will never give mine up.